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2 Years Wasted.

by Derrick
(Youngstown, OH)

I always keep a steady 4K in the bank. Never went under; took pride in that. I’m walking to work on a beautiful Friday morning. “Yo Derrick! Der!”. I can see someone but I don’t recognize them. “Oh shoot bro been a minute”. As I get closer I recognize him (looks very different from Junior High).
- “Damn man how you been?”
- “Chillin going to work, what you been up to?”
- “Just grinding man, Ey you lookin for anything?”
- “ Naw I’m straight.” (Took pride in this).
- “ Alright well take down my number in case you know anybody”.
I get to work and remember how hard it was before to come off. It’s been 2 years. I’m currently prescribed to anti-psychotic and anti-anxiety meds, but shoot if I just grab a few I can control it.
- 2 Days Later with a text: Yo what you got?
It’s May. I start off just getting 4 of em’ a week. 4 turn into 8 a week. 8 turn into 20 a week. Now it’s every 4 days. Now it’s in bulk. Oh shoot the prices went up? Do I really need this keyboard? Pawn Shop.
Debit.
It used to look like a magic card, now it’s taking my soul.
Completely forgot about my mental illness med. Stop seeing therapist.
It’s May Again. No more money, sweating my ass off, got dropped by my doc. But none of that matters. I just need to get faded. Actually I just need to feel normal.
Before walking to work, I was able to walk my dog for 30 Minutes No Prob. After my text I could walk my dog for 2 hours. Now, he just goes in the house.
I’m chopping up straws to find some residue. Once I collect enough for a smooth line, the anxiety weakens just seeing it calms me down. It’s like an art forum, and I’m really good at it.
One to the head. 20 Minutes later I’m sick again. Researching ways to combat the ache.
Imodium? Only take some? down entire bottle.
I might die if I fall asleep? Good.
I wake up back at my parents, no job, depression worsened. 2 Years Wasted.
I shouldn’t have taken that number.

Comments for 2 Years Wasted.

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Dam
by: Anonymous

Your post really made me laugh not in a good way just cause I know exactly what you mean stuff sucks should not have taken that number, sounds like myself good luck bro!

Just one more time!
by: Anonymous

That's all it takes. One number. Doing it just one more time. Nothing changes if nothing changes. That's the insanity. We do the same thing just one more time expecting different results. We just end up worse than before.

You're not alone recovery awaits you. All you need is the desire to stop using and get to a meeting of your choice. I was a hopeless terrible drug addict. Thanks to God, Narcotics Anonymous and a desire to stay clean one day at a time. good luck to you. Be Happy.

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