Addiction and Divorce: When Is Enough, Enough?
After years of dealing with a husband or wife who is continually drinking or struggling with drug and/or alcohol use you may feel like you have had enough.
If you feel like you’re not ever going to change your spouses’ habits you may be right; you truly cannot change or control another person’s behaviors, thoughts, choices or actions.
Control In Marriages
Throughout history people have tried to control the behaviors of others. It is why wars are fought. And while laws can be imposed and morality preached, ultimately people are free to say, think and do whatever they want. We call this free will. And, likewise, those around them are free to say, think and do whatever they want.
So why do spouses and couples waste so much time and energy trying to control each other?
Ultimately people try to control others in an attempt to make the other person happier and in a marriage this is more than true. It can be incredibly hard to sit back and watch your spouse struggle with drinking or drugging, and even worse how their behaviors are affecting all aspects of your family’s life.
In some cases heavy substance use can even lead to physical and emotional abuse, disrespect, emotional pain, and lying. Sometimes you have to take a deep look into improving your own life to strip away all of the fear, guilt, resentment and negativity, and find out what kind of life you want for you, and those around you, including your own children.
Staying in a marriage with someone who struggles with substance use is ultimately your own decision. After all, you’re in control of your own fate, no one else is. This is not an easy concept to come to terms with and many people begin to use substances and continue using substances because it is easier then dealing with troubling issues in a marriage.
Deciding To Stay or Go
Ultimately moving beyond a marriage with a substance user is not easy or something that you can decide overnight. For some people it may take years to finally walk away from a distressed marriage due to substance use problems.
Others stay in the marriage for the long run, but are continually unhappy or feel unfulfilled. The most important thing you can do for yourself is doing what makes you happy and sticking with it. If you decide to stay with your spouse, realize that you can still do some things in your life that makes you happy, even though their journey might take awhile to get through.
If you decide to go your separate ways, you have to be strong enough to not continually give in to their every want or need or feel any remorse down the road.
Drug and alcohol use is never an easy topic but it can be overcome when the person is ready. A marriage can only hold on as long as the two people involved do and the process of healing and repairing it will take hard work, communication and trust.