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Alone and Hopeless

Alone and Hopeless here, with a story that truly resembles the many others I've just read. I too am in a relationship with an addict. We have been together for about 6 years.

When we first met I never would have guessed that he was an addict. He was very attentive and dependable. When we met I was taking care of my daughter who was bed ridden due to her third aneurysm.

He captured my heart and the heart of my daughter and my granddaughter who loved him so much. She called him "daddy". When I found out he was addicted to Heroin I thought I could help save him. Boy, was I wrong...

We went to detox programs that only lasted (for him) 3-5 days. That's the longest he would stay. He always said that he could do this recovery thing on his own.

He actually finished a detox program and had begun a long term in-patient Rehab program, but after 3 days he left. His reasoning being that he can't be without me. I feel like a fool because I am an older woman who has allowed herself to be sucked into his life and now I am a prisoner.

He has threatened to kill himself in front of me if I try to leave him. The saddest part is that I truly love him and I have tried everything I know how as well as researched the addiction. I have lost everything that I owned and now I am homeless living on the streets with him.

We go from shelter to shelter and couch to couch. He is on a methadone program that is of no consequence because he still uses Heroin and cocaine daily...all day. He lies and steals from me and always has a story to tell. He is mean and spiteful especially when he is chasing the drug and I get in the way.

He has never hit me but he verbally abuses me and that is just as traumatic. I have considered leaving many, many times but I stay because I am afraid of what will happen to him after I am gone. I know that this is unrealistic on so many levels but as I said I am a prisoner and I don't know how to free myself and save him as well.

I know in the end I will have to make a choice...My life or his...I feel so lost most of the time. I am deeply depressed and I have sought the help of a psychiatrist. I don't know how to get off of this roller coaster. I need a way out of this life but I can't see it or reach it.

My fear of him overdosing or committing suicide has me imprisoned. He also has some mental health issues. I don't know which one is the root because they are so intermingled their is no head or tail. I know that I can't endure much more.

My physical and mental health are now at stake and my mind tells me to run...but how do you leave a loved one when they are sick with severe diseases. I feel guilty also because he stood by and supported me when my daughter was dying.

He was by my side 24/7 and to leave him now when he needs help seems so heartless. I need help!! I don't know where to start...and once I start how do I continue without being pulled back?!!!

Comments for Alone and Hopeless

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My son'a addictions!
by: Anonymous

This was a great article you wrote. I recently found out my son has been using heroin. I have been giving him money for rent as he was getting fewer hours at work.

My ex-husband was also helping with rent. I would bring food daily as he was getting skinny, but I suspect this is when he was really into it. I let him move home as he just didn't seem to be able to support himself even though he made more money than I did. But hey, I'm a mother, we want our kids to succeed.

He was going to go to school and finish his grade twelve etc. NOT TRUE, he rarely went and when he came home he was high then he tells me all about the crystal meth and then the heroin. I suggested rehab but he said no he was sticking to pot.

Finally he couldn't even get up for school he was filthy never showered etc. I found cigarettes butts everywhere inside and outside the house. I then learned about his snorting and smoking heroin and sleeping with a baseball bat. I told him to go and live his life. I loved him but drug use stops at the door here. Get help our get out. He got out. Now I pray , that's it. Just pray.

Take care.

To: Alone and hopeless!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Alone and Hopeless,

There is ALWAYS hope but you must seek it. Hopefully, you can find a Salvation Army and get your friend to go into their program. Also, please try to find Al-anon meetings that you can attend. They will help you to identify resources that are available for you to get your life back on track.

I will pray for you and your boyfriend, your circumstances sound devastating but still you can get help if you seek it.

Debbie

Same Situation!
by: Anonymous

I'm in the same situation as you are. My boyfriend is also a heroin addict and it has recently come to my attention that he was doing heroin the entirety of our relationship. He has also gone to in-patient and out-patient rehab programs in the past and it has failed to work. He also used up all of our money to buy heroin so he wouldn't be dope sick.

I found him a program and begged him to go there to salvage what we have left of our relationship and he unwillingly agreed. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, but I think he checked into that program because I was hurting, not because he wanted to do it himself.

He's a functioning addict so it was very hard for me to know when he was on the drug and when he wasn't on it, until I found needles above our bathroom shelf. We've also been dating for a couple of years and I don't know what else to do to support him.

He constantly guilt trips me about money and abandoning him "like everyone else." Sometimes I question myself, I've given up all of my morals, reputation, and integrity so he wouldn't be dope sick.

In all, thank you for sharing your story. I don't know anyone on a personal level that's going through the same situation as me. Knowing that I can find comfort in your post makes me feel like I'm not the only indecisive person out there.

Much mahalo from Hawai'i.

Dear Drug Addicted Boyfriend
by: Anonymous

You ask that your loved ones not give up on you. Hell, we love you, we've done everything imaginable for you while our heart is torn apart, we cry ourselves to sleep, we worry and are weary for you.

As we watch the person we know and love become a walking addiction, we too slowly watch ourselves become a fraction of who we are, and if we stay for your sake, then we too are taken down...questioning everything and hurting miserably for your sake.

We'd give almost anything to help you, yet the reality is, we are not enough, we will never be enough...because the damn addiction will always trump, unless you surrender to getting help................ We can not die for you.

We might jump in from of a bus to save you, but not if you are driving it. We continue to never forget you, we think of you daily, we wish and wonder and continue to hurt...yet to keep on living, we must accept our love is not enough and never will be.

"former girlfriend" of a drug addicted boyfriend.

I'm a heroin addict.
by: Anonymous

As a heroin addict in your boyfriends shoes, it's hard quitting the drug. Once you've tried heroin it's hard to let go. It's sad because we also care about our significant other but the drug has torn us apart inside.

We don't want to do the things we do as addicts. We just want to live a normal life and be happy with our loved ones. But without it it's torture, what we feel like when we lie to get high is guilt.

Help us. Don't give up.

You can't ever imagine the pain of having to lie to feed a habit that makes you physically and even sometimes emotionally better. I lost my best friend to a heroin overdose, a few weeks before he passed away he questioned why his girlfriend left him. Sure she could only take so much, but if you really love something or someone you stick with them. I'm sure it's hard on the other side, but try not to give up the fight.

A heroin addict doesn't just lose his or her emotions. They too have a heart, a heart that made a mistake and needs support more than you may think or could ever imagine.


I lost my H Addict!
by: Anonymous

In 2011 I meet and married this truly amazing man. He was my soulmate. After the first year together I noticed his pain meds would be gone too soon, which caused fights and started to end our marriage.

He'd lie steal and cheat for his habits. Well one day his good friend called me and said he has a problem and you need to help him. I had a mutual friend stop over and when he returned from work I confronted him with this news of him using heroin. Like all these stores he denied it.

Eventually he admitted it and wanted to not live that life. We tried multiple treatment rehabs and suboxone clinics. Nothing worked and his love for the high out grew the love he had for me. We split many times and always got back together. I knew deep down that the man I married was still there... I'd seen it in his eyes.

Well, eventually we divorced(a month before our two year anniversary . He left us at Christmas and never returned over the next year. He'd contact me with his regrets and that he was locked up and sober and wanted his family back each time I did it. I have always been codependent.

Over the next few years we did the same thing, he'd beg to come home with the promise he was clean but always it ended the same me hurt and him kicked out.. every day I loved him I was dying. And I knew he needed to want it over anything else.

Here it is 2016 and tonight he messages me after a year of no contact. Same claims and regrets I learned not to believe them as I heard them a million times before. But I always kept hope that this man I married would find away to escape his demons. And here I sit wondering if he finally did??

What steps does one take to see but yet protect them selves. 4 years of this addiction has changed every inch of who I am. I have no trust, I'm a shell of a person, I am scared of everything I once loved or could do. I suffer from ocd anxiety and depression thus why I said loving him was killing me.

But I hold hope and would be amazed if he truly beat his addiction and is in recovery. Cause when I talk to him I feel the old me who's locked up emerge a little. Sounds weird but he was my world and my soul mate. And in fear of life itself I have locked away who I once was.

I know I need to seek counseling but at the same time new things cause panic and I can't get myself to do it. I'm starting at a new doctor's office (which I am familiar with) so I hope I can find some way to unlock me again.

But how do I go about protecting myself not enabling or being co-dependent, while seeing if he truly is sober, and what do you use as proof? Obviously I don't trust a word that he says until he shows me he deserves it.. my mind is racing and I know sleeping tonight will be tough. So many what ifs and is it true.

Help
by: Sherri

I have been with a heroin addict for 5 years. I have searched all over online for some answers to help me. He has been in and out of treatments/rehabs, in and out of jail, in and out of my life as well.

He has been with other women and comes back to me usually after 3-4 months and his life falls apart. His mother is his biggest enabler by sending him money and never believes me when I tell her he is using again. This last time he was "clean" for 9 months and relapsed.

He moved in and out and then when he was homeless and had pawned everything he owns he contacted me for help - the usual. I knowing in my head not to go get him went to get him anyway because I loved him. He dried out at my home and went into a treatment facility that is free.

The first 2 months he was there he was attentive and I met him to go to church and I even went to meetings with him. I was still angry and hurt but I tried to support him. Then the end of October he started changing again. As if he was still on heroin but he wasn't but he had the same mean non caring attitude. We started fighting all the time. He called less and less. He came to my home on a pass Dec 7th for 2 days. That was the last time I saw him where he was decent to me. I didn't hear from him for a week and then when he called he was angry.

He had stopped seeing his sponsor but was playing the game of rehab. When he was on passes all he wanted to do was play a play station. He changed from wanting to come home to wanting to get a job and stay at rehab for a month and then for a year.

He didn't tell me this until his dad did and I asked him. He played mental games with me and his mom so that we would no longer talk. I didn't hear from him on Christmas at all. I went to the treatment place and he said he didn't love me anymore. Then I didn't talk to him or see him until New Year's day. I stopped by and he refused to come out and see me.

I still have not talked or seen him. Now yesterday I was served with an order of protection against me from him with all lies. I know it will be dropped but what is the point of all this? If he's working the program is this normal behavior?

He has told the other people there in recovery all kinds of lies about me. I haven't called there or went there. Any ideas or thoughts or suggestions or insight?

This isn't the first time he has tried to get an oop on me and usually its because he is using or hes with another women or both. What happened to him?

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