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Brother-in-law uses pot?

by Seery




Brother-in-law and sister moved in with my mom because they don't have jobs or a home (pop-up tent trailer - 2 vehicles) My mom was ready to give them a place to stay while they looked for any kind of job in the area.

Sister and BIL arrived last night.

Sister confessed to MOM that BIL is using Pot. This has been an off and on problem since he came into her life 23 years ago.

What are the steps to getting him help and out of my mom's house? She is 80 and doesn't need this.

What are the steps to break my sister's cycle of enabling?

MOM is seeing her pastor today - he is also a Navy Chaplain who served time in Iraq. I would like to be able coordinate efforts if need be.

I live 4 hours away and just acquired a job - not sure what my responsibility is at this point?

Please set out the steps in simple order and my brain is fried with emotion and fear for my MOM first and my sister second.

They live in Riverton WY
Thank you.

Seery




Comments for
Brother-in-law uses pot?

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Must be on the same side
by: Ned Wicker

Dear Seery,

Your mom’s pastor can probably be a huge help. Navy chaplains are very familiar with drug abuse issues and he is not afraid to tackle that problem head-on. Good resource there.

Your mom will likely enable, because she loves her daughter. She is probably not going to understand, even if she sees what’s going on and even if his drug use is destroying her daughter.

Your sister, however, can be the one to step up and effect some change. If the pot use is hurting their marriage and if he is tearing things apart, I am willing to bet the farm that he is also an alcoholic. There is something else going on here. Who knows what else he is doing?

Al-anon is an organization designed to help family members like you. Their members have been through it all and they will have strategies for you. They also will help you get ideas on how to help your mom, because if she does what I think she is going to do, she’ll do nothing at all.

You’re going to have to be strong for her, and maybe talk to her pastor. She may not say anything at all to him. Obviously you need to find a way to protect your mom, so you need eyes and ears to keep you in the loop.

Mom and sister have to be on your side. You can encourage him to go to meetings, seek help, but he’ll likely put you off and claim that he has no problem.

But if everybody stands firm, he may see that he has no choice. If he continues to use and if it’s an issue for your sister, then she needs to throw him out. If everybody is on the same page, he may come around.
Messy
by: Seery

Sister is siding with husband at this point. Working the guilt trip angle - ex, "I am in sin, might as well go to hell with him, so I should stay with him, bad daughter, etc"

I haven't responded to her text. Should I respond, again I live 4 hours away and can't take the time off work until after next week, so any "real" response might be weak if I can't be there to see it through.

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