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Chasing The White Dragon

by Marcus

Hello, everyone! My name is Marcus. I'm 19 (but I tell people I'm 20 :p) I want to share my story with you all today. After literally months of contemplation, finally, here I am. I don't want you to think that I'm here to warn you about the dangers of using drugs or to tell you how bad the stuff hit the fan.

I guess, just the thought that somewhere, someone is reading this, brings so much closure. And I'm just so glad I'm finally saying what's on my mind.

Now, let's re-cap shall we?

In November of 2015, then 18, I had just finished school. However, despite being happy about it, we were moving, quite far. So I would have no friends and no family during the summer.

Anyway, I remember it like it was yesterday. I wrote my last exam on the 23rd of November, and on the 25th it was time to go. So blah blah, the open road, blah blah, long drive. When we had
finally arrived at our new home, I was literally awestruck. It was, it still is, the most beautiful house I had ever seen. It was just amazing, I thought to myself 'I live here? F yeah!'.

So, on that very first day is when things started going downhill. Before moving we had visited the area a few times during holidays, and in my final year, I wasn't addicted but liked to snort cat, it's basically a form of cocaine.

So because I had been here before, I knew exactly where to go. When I got to the guy, however, he said that he didn't have any cat, but he had 'tik', the local street name for methamphetamine.

I knew what the implications were straight away, but decided to go ahead and try it. That night was one of the worst nights I have had all my life. I couldn't sleep, felt impossibly uncomfortable, tossing and turning all night long. It f-ing sucked. Although, now that I had tried the drug, I knew I didn't like it.

So a few months had gone by, I was in college, and doing quite well. When things started getting a little tougher, I started feeling that I needed something to help me throughout the long nights, and one day it hit me! And there I was,
snorting methamphetamine.

I had later on read that it could also be taken as a 'parachute' wrapping it in toilet paper or whatever and downing it with a drink. That was disgusting, but I couldn't bear the taste of the backdrop from snorting anymore. Now, I'll spare you the drama of being caught once or twice, and all the negative effects and jump straight back to action.

One particular day, while visiting my dealer, he asked me if I would like a 'lolly'. Just as you might, I thought 'what the f?'. It turned out to be a glass pipe that you can smoke meth with. And I guess... now that I didn't need to swallow toilet paper filled with meth crystals, occasionally accidentally biting down on one, that this, was perfect. Damn was I wrong.

Moving on, many things had taken place in between all this, of course, a few long, hard talks and what not. But everything changed one Sunday morning.

I woke up, got dressed and told my parents that I needed to go buy cigarettes. I got in my car, and as was normal for me, I went to buy my daily dose.
As I was sitting in my car, waiting for my dealer to bring me my buy, I saw a police cruiser in my rear-view mirror. I thought 'f-this', told my dealer to keep it until later, and drove off.

Just as I left his street, the same police cruiser stopped in front of me, blocking my path. Oh no. Two officers stepped out and approached my vehicle. So yeah yeah, searched me, my car, found my glass pipe. You have to right to blah blah, whatever man. The only thing going through my mind was that I now had to call my parents, telling them that I had been arrested and that they needed to fetch my car from the police station.

I couldn't see a judge until the following Wednesday, so I had been placed under detainment. Three days I spent there... three very long, very cold days and night. Not cold as in temperature wise, emotionally cold.

Anyhow, I got off with 2 hours of community service, as no drugs were found on me, and this had been my first case.

Now that I was back home, I decided to get my life together. No longer did I want to do this. No longer did I want to hurt myself, and the people around. And by God I did it.
I had been successful.

My parents had taken my car keys for a period of about 3 months, but after some time, I went to visit a party one night. More like a little get-together really. And I was spending the night there, so drink up I thought!

And on my there, it all came back to me. The pipe in my hand, the flame in my eyes, the smoke that I blew, pure euphoria. I said to myself that there was no way, that I would not even further think about it. To put everything back on the line, to further hurt the people who had believed in me, and had stood by me despite all my bull. Not a chance in Hell I was going to risk it all for one night out. I couldn't! I wouldn't!

...

It's been 5 months since that night. And here I am, writing to you. Before me, my laptop. On my left, a lukewarm cup of coffee. On my right, there it is. My glass pipe, along with a decent amount office.

See, when I first heard about this, 'White Dragon', I thought that I was up for the challenge. That at any time I would be able to finish my adventure once I had caught it. That I would be able, to stop.

But the thing is, you don't chase the White Dragon. It chases you. And like so many others, it had caught me. I tried to run, I tried to hide. But if you can't outrun it, or stand up to it. It'll feed on you, for as long as you walk freely in the streets, tempting you at every opportunity it can find.

It's like giving away a loaded gun... I cannot express enough, the sorrow, the dread, the disgust in myself, that I face today. I will not tell you to stop using whatever takes you away, or how dangerous it is... But I would like to leave you, with one final sentence, remember what I said about giving away a loaded gun?


The White Dragon has the gun in hand, and he's slowly pulling the trigger

Comments for Chasing The White Dragon

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The White Dragon does chase us but we can win the race.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Marcus,

Thanks so much for telling us your story and letting us see a glimpse of where your life is at now. Addiction does chase us and it can often control us, but although it may win some of the battles we can win the war!

Meth addiction is a disease of the brain, often the drugs takes control of our brain and won't let go. The first time we share our story is wonderful step for all of us into addiction recovery. We need to seek more support and help in order to send the "White Dragon" packing for good!

For many of us, attending AA or NA meetings helps to get the anonymous support we need to find others who have been where we're at now. Non-judgemental people who can help us to make the changes necessary to take back our lives from our addiction.

Good luck and there is hope for all of us to live a life free from the chains of addiction,

Debbie

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Do you have a question or story? It's easy to ask your question or submit your story. How? Simply click here to return to Al-anon.





and Finally Remember:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
- Matthew 7:7-8






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