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Confused Wife of Addict

by Chris

I have been married to a man that has been addicted to rx pills for 5 years. He is in recovery mode and doing well. He attends outpatient therapy. I feel like he has alienated me from this part of his life. How do i explain to him that this has effected me as well.

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You should also be going to eetings for support.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Chris,

I'm very sorry you've gone through this awful disease, but am glad that it sounds like your husband has made the right choice and is on a good road to recovery.

It concerns me that he's alienating you during this time. It would be wonderful if you two could both go to meetings together as he processes his addiction. Addiction effects the entire family and if you're both doing the 12 steps together, hopefully you'll be on the same page at the same time and can rebuild your relationship.

Trust is never re-established quickly and working the steps together may be a way that each of you can receive the healing and support that you both need.

Good Luck,


by: Chris

Thanks for the swift response. In the beginning stages I allowed just him to attend therapy but now I feel as if he is judging me from the outside in...he makes comments such as I have to go through this for myself. I have whole heartedly supported this but lately I feel he should be asking me to join in the therapy because this disease has ruined me as well.

I don't trust, rely or confide in my spouse. I DO NOT WANT to have resentment but I don't want to be the pushy wife and ask to go..I have pretty much asked and received no response..any suggestions on how to approach?

Go to 12 step meetings with him but not his therapy sessions.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Chris,

It sounds like your marriage relationship has been severely damaged by his drug use. There is an element of what he's telling you that's likely to be true. You need just as much support to get over this break in your relationship as he does.

He needs as much therapy as he can get and usually this is done just between him and his counselor. You also may want to consider finding a counselor that you can go to for support and healing.

I would also highly recommend that you both begin attending open AA meetings and Al-anon meetings together so that you can try to re-open the lines of communication.

Part of the 12 steps in creating a moral inventory and then making full amends for the people that we've harmed. If we work-through these steps together we often learn what each of us needs to do to get back in touch with each other. Addiction robs us of trust and the 12 steps often lead to restoration of that trust.

I wouldn't ask to go to his therapy sessions I would instead invite him to join me at Al-anon and AA meetings twice a week. That way he can continue the counseling he needs and you both can begin to repair your relationship.

Good Luck,


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