Well I would like to share my story cause I find I'm a little different then most crack addicts out there, I am a 41 year old male and have pretty well smoked about 100 dollars of crack every day for very close to twenty years, I spend at least $3000.00 a month every month on this stupid drug.
I always thought that when you start doing this drug that in about a year it destroys your life. You some how get help and quit or at least struggle with the addiction.
In my last twenty years of doing this drug I've never even found anyone that I could do with. In my experience, any one that smokes crack regularly would steal, prostitute and lie through their teeth to get another hit.
I am a bartender in a local pub right now but through out my life I have never lied or denied that I do it every day. Every friend or employer I have ever has always known that I was a functioning crack head so to speak.
The screwed up part is all my friends hate drugs and would never have someone in there life that does them. But for some reason I have always been an exception. I have always been the best at my job. I'm actually known to be a natural leader, I have very strong morals and would never steal, lie. Never has anyone even thought that because I am an addict that they would suspect me for anything that went wrong.
I've always been an open book. This is me... I smoke crack daily. For some reason everyone has always excepted it, most of my life I've been admired for it, inside I know I am an addict but my whole life I've been praised for it, probably because I've always been the entertainer and the motivator. The one every one loves and never have I had any one consider my addiction a problem.
When I think about that it's kind of screwed up, I've never been late for work, participate in many charities and really have a heart of gold, so for me it a not like all I'm thinking about is getting high, but I work in a pub. And make really good tips, but like clock work as soon as 2 am hits I start getting a little moody, cause for twenty years at the same time I smoke my crack about that time, it's almost like it's time to take my medicine,.
Everyone looks at me like I'm the most positive leader like guy that would never cross their mind that I am such a addict. I find my problem is as soon as I get home. The routine is kicking off my shoes and grabbing my pipe and getting high, I am one of those people that is either really positive and up but as soon as I relax and actually think I just get so depressed, freak out and have panic attacks.
Honestly I think I'm very addicted in not letting my self be happy, like it's been so many years of destroying myself it freaks me right out to be positive at the end of the night.
My issue now is what do I do? I mean I just went to Vegas for a week and never thought about the drug once. I know myself if I checked my self in to a rehab I honestly know I would feel more like one of the counselor's then a patient. I'm just really lost right now, after twenty years of screwing up my dopamine in my brain is there a medication that just might help?
I'm lost, I'm at the end off my rope and really just fed up. Every night I just go to bed praying I won't wake up in the morning,. Sad part is living my life, as unhealthy as I have I've never even been to a doctor or get sick or anything.
Please I need some professional advice?
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