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Dad & Mom

by Court
(New Hampshire, US)

My husband started his addiction because he is a workaholic. He hated drugs never did them before but in his twenties the other guys said they would give him just a little pep.

He started doing them frequently, 5 ml. Percs. and afterwards offered them to me. At first I refused, but finally gave in. We have two little girls. Then they were only 2 & 3. After a time he moved on to 30 mlg. Then finally 80 mlg. He was home less and less. Part of his
addiction was the chase, he was finally snorting them and I was also indulging, not as much but too frequently.

I don't remember when but suddenly the cable was shut off,then the gas wasn't being paid, finally the electric company was at my door and wanted the $500 we owed, I obviously didn't have it, so it was shut off, the first of many times. That time for 3 days.

We told the girls it was a power outage. Finally on his birthday his motorcycle was repossessed. Eventually we couldn't even afford rent anymore and became officially homeless and moved in with his mother.

I wanted to die.

But in all addict thinking I needed a pick me up, we would start saving next week. Ya right! If i had not said it my husband is successful in his field and makes a high salary,yet we cant even afford groceries.

I finally stopped. I was only doing it once or twice a week,so it wasn't to hard. He continued and when taxes came our $8000.00 return was our start over. I was so wrong. He lied and spent all of it. I was broken hearted, he confessed he was spending $1200.00 a week on pills.

I made him promise to get help or I was leaving him. So the struggle began I got him on Suboxone and seeing a good doctor. My children are 9 & 11 now. I feel like a failure for not catching it, how could i not face it.

I learned love really is blind, but love for my children finally woke me up. I really did mean to leave if it happened even once. We lost everything. Nothing is worth that. My children are still young enough to enjoy and still for them not to see the complete tragedy for what it was.

Will he stay clean? I don't know, but i hope the love of his family and the fear of loosing us is. We have our own home again,and i am learning a new way of living. I wish i could fix it all overnight, but this will be a long, i expect life rearranging trip. Only time will tell.

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