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Do I believe my husband?

by Candie
(Monroe, LA)

I recently found out that for the last 4 months my husband has been using meth. We have been together for 5 years, married for the last 2 years.

This man is no longer the person I married. Before he started using meth, he was my best friend and my soul mate. I fell in love with him from the minute I laid eyes on him. And he with me. Before the drugs, he was such a good man. I could not ask for better. On a daily basis, he would start my day by making my coffee, complimenting my looks, tell me he loved me to the moon and back and showed genuine concern for my happiness. And I did the same for him. I chose to stay near him, instead of moving closer to my grown kids and grandkids, I quit my career to work for him at his business, and also left behind my siblings.

At night, neither one of us could go to sleep without the other. Up until 4 months ago, we had never spent a night apart. Now, my used to be larger than life husband, has lost 40 lbs. or more, and soon as I get home in the evenings (he has not worked in 6 months) goes out to the shop and locks himself in there and does not come in till near time for me to go to work the next morning.

He looks horrible, has become very aggressive and mean, and has no interest in nothing. When I confronted him about the drug use, he looked me straight in the eyes and said "nobody quits unless they want to". Well, of course I asked are you wanting to quit or you willing to lose us and what we have? He said he would not do anymore, that is was just recreational use.

That was almost a month ago and my gut tells me he is still using. Which he denies. This has torn our marriage apart, devoured the faith, trust & confidence that I had in the one person, who I gave my heart to and want to spend the rest of my life with.

But, I refuse to live with a drug user and deal with all of the suspicions and lies. I cry myself to sleep every night alone in our bed. He refuses treatment and I can't find any Narcotics Anonymous support groups near me. I just want my husband back, but all of this has taken me down the spiral path to Hell and back too.

What do I do?

How can I help someone if they don't want help?

Do I stay and pray for the best or leave and let him die alone?

Comments for Do I believe my husband?

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Trust is EARNED by correct behavior
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Candie,

You're in a very challenging situation for many reasons. The first reason is that methamphetamine addiction attacks the brain and the psychological balance of a person more than other illegal drugs. Meth can cause a person to become psychotic and dangerous to themselves and others. Because of this the number one thing you must do is to protect your emotional and physical security. If your husband is using meth he could become a totally different person and also become emotionally abusive or physically violent.

It sounds like you have little to no support where you are currently living which is also a problem for you. I recommend that you find a few good Al-anon meetings and begin going to them at least three time a week for support. Try to find a good sponsor at these meetings and begin to work the 12 steps.

Working the step will give you more insight into the situation you're in and help you to decide your best course of action. No one can tell you what to do because no one is in your shoes. You must assess the situation, be as objective as possible and decide what is best for you and your husband.

Also, try to get your husband to begin to go to AA meetings. AA is not just for alcohol addiction and many find it to be more useful to help meth abuse than NA meetings.

Protecting yourself both physically and mentally has got to be the number one objective for you. You can only control what you do; you cannot control nor are you responsible for what anyone else does.

Good Luck and stay safe,

Debbie


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