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Do I still have some hope?

by Ging
(Forest Hill, New York)

My question is should I continue to trust my boyfriend or have some hope or believe that he really sober forever because for almost 3 yrs until now I've been helping him from head to toe and still no job, he's a liar, he's cheating, no money, smoking and lazy.

So many health issues and I'm scared to bring him to our own country in the Philippines because most of my family they all drink. Then they get drunk then fall asleep and the next day everybody goes back to work. That's why I'm not worried about them.

But my boy friend if he's drunk he is nasty and he hits me and I feel like he doesn't care about me and is trying to kill me. That's why he is in jail now and I'm still paying his fine.

I'm not sure if we have AA meetings in our area. I don't know what to do or is there any help? If there are no meetings is he OK to only read the big book?

Comments for Do I still have some hope?

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by: Gigi


YOU cannot fix this man. You are actually helping this man to stay on his downward spiral.

YOU deserve better. No man should ever lay a hand on you or berate you; yell at you, or disrespect you. You are a child of God as we all are. God weeps for you. Would you let your child be treated the way you are??

Take care of yourself first so you can one day help care for other "worthy" people.

Go to a church and ask about AA. If you cannot find an AA, or even if you do, you should look into a woman's center for abused and battered women.

If you feel guilty or think you "love" this man ask yourself why. Write it down. Write down the good and the bad. Ask other people for help. Most people are willing to help. But, you should not continue to "help" him because you are not helping him. You are enabling (allowing him) to continue on his destructive journey.

Your family has NOT set a good example for you, but you sound like you want a better life for yourself, and you deserve one. Go out and find it. Leave these lazy,unkind, unloving people.

Get involved in a church if you can. Associate (hang out) with positive people. People that can lift you up rather than bring you down.

Read everything you can get your hands on even if you have to go to the library which happens to be a great place to concentrate and have silence/peace in your life.

Go to school. Did you graduate? If not, get your degree at an Adult education school. They are free. You can also try on-line.

I will say a prayer for your strength and faith. Please ask God everyday to help you and always remember to thank Him for the good you have.

Blessings to you. God loves you!

Get the support you need to help yourself first!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Ging,

I sounds like, based on your description, that you're living in a VERY unsafe situation. Alcoholism often causes violence and you MUST protect yourself from your boyfriend before you will be able to help him.

Please start going to Al-anon meetings at least three times a week. There are 100's a meeting every week were you live. Visit this website to find meetings in your area:

You need to find Al-anon meetings you feel comfortable in and also find meeting where they are working the 12 steps. Once you find meetings you like then also find a female sponsor to support you as you try to help your boyfriend with his alcohol addiction.

Reading the "Big Book" is a start but you and your boyfriend MUST attend meetings REGULARLY to get any benefit at all from AA and the "Big Book".

Good luck and PLEASE stay safe:)


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