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Everything

by Patrick
(Connecticut)

Weed was probably my all time favorite drug, but just about anything I could get my hands on that I thought could get me high came in a close second. I replaced my desire for food with a desire to be sedated, energized by chemicals or feel like I'm in a completely different place.

In 9 months I smoked probably close to 12 ounces of weed, took half a dozen massive adhd pills from this spaz I could harass into giving me his extras. I took nearly 1000 double strength no doze caffeine pills.

I'm afraid I may have done permanent damage to my body because this is barely the start of the list, I've tried morning glory seeds about 12 times, I've eaten at least 10 nasal inhalers called benzdrex, a nasal decongestant that has tweaked level speed in it but is sold OTC at Walmart. I've also killed every bottle of whipped cream my family buys by using them for whippets.

I've taken a pill I found on the ground of a friend's friend after googling it and finding out it's like Xanax. I've stolen Xanax my girlfriend has a prescription for and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for it.

I can't handle my self around any drugs what so ever, even alcohol, once I start I never remember stopping...

Today is my first day in far too long that I have no interest in drugs, I had a panic attack and extreme paranoia from coming down from 120mg of vyvanse. I thought weed would calm me down but it made it hard to move and everything got scarier.

I tried to wake my brother, I was feeling scared and alone, all last night from 2:30 am until 6. I wrote down how I was feeling, the thing is I never even considered I had a drug problem, drugs of all kinds had become such a part of my life I saw no problem....

Wish me luck, my 18th birthday passed a month ago but I think going 100% drug free is the only adult decision I've made while being an adult.
When I first started using drugs I thought nothing can ever happen to me, plenty of people never get addicted when they use.

Now I'm wondering how the hell I thought I'd try my luck with drugs, risking my life..... To feel better about myself, the same person I was killing.

Comments for Everything

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Consider going to NA or AA meetings for help and support.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Patrick,

I know very little about your situation but it sounds like you don't like yourself for some reason? Issues of low self-worth and low self-esteem are often caused by depression and depression can lead us to drug and alcohol use.

Depression often occurs as we move from adolescence to adulthood because figuring who we are and what we believe is very challenging. Depression can make us feel very low and we use chemicals to make us feel better about ourselves.

Please consider going to Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous meetings daily. Going to NA or AA every day, will help you to better understand your addiction and yourself. Working the 12 steps will also help you to learn how to live your life without the use of any chemical alterations.

Good Luck,

Debbie

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