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Friend admitted to crystal meth addiction. What next?

by Anonymous
(Illinois)

I have been casually dating a guy for 10 months. We live a few hours away from each other but try and meet up every other weekend. I feel it could and would be more often if it wasn't for his addiction.

He finally admitted to smoking meth 5 months ago. Said he only did it twice a month. He tried it a year ago and says he does it because he has a drinking problem and this makes him not drink and it's cheaper.

He never does around me but now when I think back, he's probably been high almost every time I've seen him. I never know at the time but he admits it afterwards.

The last time I was there he was sober but ended up doing cocaine both nights. I blew up on him. He finally admitted to having a problem and that's when he really opened up to me about all his issues. He has told me he is thinking about rehab.

He misses work. He goes missing for days won't reply to my texts or calls. Makes excuses why he can't see me. Then call out of the blue and make some crazy excuse like his phone stopped working. He is paranoid people are out to get him. Has very odd behaviors at times, almost like has an antisocial personality. Irregular heartbeat at times, has lost weight, goes 3-4 days without sleeping or eating.

He also deals with depression and anxiety.

I have threatened to leave several times if this behavior continued, and he begs me to stay with his charm. Since the cocaine incident, I refuse to go back to see him. I have recently made more stern boundaries with him. I have a feeling he's still using because he's went missing in action again.

I love this man but am ready to walk away. I can't watch him completely destroy his life anymore. But, I feel I am the only normal clean friend he has, so I want to be his support person. The problem is I live so far away from him and he's tempted everyday with his so called friends.

My question is.. Do I contact his mother whom I've never met before and let her know of his drug abuse? She is aware of his drinking but pretty sure she has no idea of the drugs. I feel this is my last resort before I can walk away in peace.

How would a mother react to a complete stranger saying her son is using meth, coke, pot, alcohol and whatever else he can get his hands on?

If someone has admitted to a problem, how do you encourage him to get treatment?

Do I continue to play tough love with him in hopes he'll come clean?

Or do I just walk away for now and tell him I'll be there for him when he decides to get help?

I am so confused.

Comments for Friend admitted to crystal meth addiction. What next?

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Addiction is very confusing.
by: Debbie Wicker

It's no wonder you're confused because addiction is very confusing. What is important to understand about addiction is that it ATTACKS the brain and convinces the attack that they must use. The addicts brain makes choices that we can't understand and that confuse us because we aren't an addict.

Your boyfriend sounds like he has a very serious long-term addiction problem with drugs and alcohol. Alcohol addiction is just as serious and deadly as other drug addictions so he must stop using everything if he wants to get better.

Deciding what you should do is a challenging issue. I would recommend you begin attending Al-anon meetings at least three times a week before you take any action related to his addiction.

Go to Al-anon, start working the steps, and find a sponsor who has helped their boyfriend to end an addiction. Then once you have better information formulate a game plan with your sponsor.

None of the choice you have in front of you are easy, but the more information and support you have for making the decisions the more likely you are to be able to help your boyfriend to end his addictions.

Good Luck,

Debbie

Reaching out to his mom?
by: Anonymous

What about reaching out to his mom?
I have just warned him I was going to if things didn't change. He said he was done with drugs. And drinking.. He says he could do on his own and if he relapsed one more time he would go to rehab. I don't think he can do on his own but I said prove me wrong.

What about reaching out to his mom?
by: Anonymous

I told him this morning to call me when he's ready to get help and I would stand by him 100 percent. Until then I have to walk away. He has now said he is ready to quit and he will do it this time. He says he will do on his own. I'm not so sure he can but I said ok prove me wrong. He said if he relapses he'll go to rehab.
So do you think it's wise to wait on contacting his mom and maybe if he uses again, to contact her? I warned him I was going to if he didn't get help.
I am in process of finding a support group and in the meantime I will take one day at a time, stand my ground with him, and pray for his full recovery.

They all say they can quit on their own but they CAN'T!
by: Debbie Wicker

Based on what you've told me, it sounds like he is just trying to buy time and continue to manipulate you. The chances of him quitting on his own is slim and none.

You BOTH need to start going to AA or NA meetings TODAY and start working the 12 steps. If he refuses to go to meetings and work the steps then he is not going to quit, period.

I can't advise you about whether or not to tell his mom, you need to discuss it with an Al-anon sponsor before you decide. You need to go to Al-anon and start working the steps and find a sponsor. Then work with the sponsor (who has been where you're at) and decide the best steps for you to take to help him but to also protect yourself from more pain.

If you knew how many people said they were going to quit on their own you realize that he is saying anything to avoid quitting. Working with Al-anon and getting help from others who have been where your at is the only that can save yourself from making many mistakes as you try to save your relationship.

Good luck,

Debbie

I contacted mom
by: Anonymous

Well I ended up contacting his mom and she is also worried about him. She had no idea about the meth. We are meeting in 2 weeks to do an intervention. Please pray for us....

I will pray for you, his mom and for the intervention.
by: Debbie Wicker

Doing an intervention can be a great step. I will pray for you and all involved in the situation.

I would recommend that you decide which treatment center you want him to go into and get it all set up with them prior to the intervention. If he agrees to go, then you can take him immediately to treatment. Also, often treatment centers will help you to figure out the best way to get him into treatment if you call and ask them.

Good luck, I certainly hope he agrees to get treatment, meth is an awful drug,

Debbie

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