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I can't anymore!

by jennifer barker
(Miramar FL)

My name is Jennifer I'm 25 now. I was born while my mother was using, my parents got divorced when I was a baby. My father got re-married and she was so evil !!!!

I had a screwed up life growing up. No childhood locked in my room . Time limit for eating. No kids in kitchen. I was kicked out at 13 b/c of her. Moved in with my mother I really didn't know.

She was in and out of jail and never around and if she was I watch everything she did. I started smoking weed at 13 with her. Then a year later started oxys & roxys. Tripping. Speeding. My father asked me to moved back in 2 yrs later. He left evil step mother and I needed to within those 2 years I been jail sold drugs.

Yet moving in with my father didn't stop my addiction. As each year went by I was doing more and more and partying with my mom. I graduated from high school and went to beauty school.

During 2012 I was almost out of beauty school but took me from 2009 to graduate because of my using. Dec 11 2012 I was at my mothers house and we were partying and I did everything but heroin. At the time bringing over the drugs I didn't know my mom was doing heroin. She overdosed Dec 12 2012. That's when I went down hill.

With my bf at the time we had a apt. I was getting checks from school and it went from doing 10-15 roxy to 30 a day. I started dancing I had no job no more money and no more drugs. That's when heroin entered my life.

I was snorting it for a few years. I lost a lot... my place, my car, my life. My first rehab I went to in March 2013. As I met a few new addicts who showed me how to shoot up. My world went to another level. Rehab boyfriend and I used for for while.

I have been to 7 rehabs within one year 2013-2014. I have sold my body for my fix. I have stolen from family and loved ones... I have done things that are not Jennifer.

I have overdosed 3 times. Needle in my arm while I passed out. Living in my car or on beach or hotel to hotel. My life was apart. From moving from KY to FL to KY to Ohio and now I'm back in FL.

My last use was at the airport before coming back to FL. I ran from my halfway house a lot feelings and mixed things happened. So I called my boyfriend I been with March 2014, and he bought me a plane ticket to live with him in FL.

The day at airport I did my last fix I was in the bathroom with half a g left..... I just threw it away along with needle and got on plane. I fight memories and wanting the high everyday but that day I was just done... I didn't want it anymore.

I pray and I have my understanding of my God and meetings and working steps and going in and out of recovery, I have learned so much in life. I have loved ones in my life now who care who try to understand.

My dad is my hero he has been by my side and never left again since I moved back in with him. I would get into more detail of my story but the main part is knowing that there's life out in the world and you can be helped and saved but you have to want it.

Just today I am clean :)

Comments for I can't anymore!

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Very inspirational!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Jennifer,

Your story is so sad and yet so inspirational. Working the 12 steps and connecting with God as you understand Him is the key to your continued recovery from the horrors of addiction and child abuse.

Addiction attacks our brain and causes us to do things that would never have seemed possible. The beauty of working the steps is that we can understand what we did in the past and then move beyond our prior actions to a new life based on who we truly are.

Thank you so very much for your candid story of addiction and your hopeful story of recovery.

May God Bless you, your father and your boy friend,

Debbie

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- Matthew 7:7-8






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