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I was once in love with a heroin addict!!


Hi,

If anyone reading this is currently "in love" with an addict, I can honestly say, "I know how you feel." I too, at one point had a heroin addicted boyfriend. I'm 20 years old and just recently helped him come to the realization that he is an addict.

It took so much time and effort to get him to admit to me everything he had been lying and hiding from me over the past 6 months. Everyday was a constant struggle, from the day I realized he had a problem for myself, to the day I got HIM to admit to me he was abusing heroin.

Knowing the truth about his addiction and not being able to get HIM to admit is probably the most frustrating thing I have ever experienced. Every night I cried myself to sleep not knowing what to do. The question lingered in my head, "Should I break up with him because of his addiction and the constant lying, because I'm better than that?"

OR

"Should I stay with him and do everything in my power to help him get better, for fear if the addiction goes on any longer he will overdose and die?"

I'd been with this kid for over 2 years at this point and I was completely lost. My own personal well-being was suffering more than I realized at the time.

Once we talked and he agreed to check into a rehab program - a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and there was such a sense of relief in the air. I knew him being there would keep him completely clean and in the right direction to a clean future. Sadly, the trust I once had in him was completely shattered the moment I found everything out.

Thinking back on how awful he treated me while he was using - makes me sick. Everyday he lied and manipulated me. Borrowing money, for things such as "gas, bills, car repairs, cigarettes, etc" because he had lost a lot of hours at work and was low on money. And then finding out - all the money I gave him was used towards buying dope. It makes me sick.

Never actually being where he told me he was - was another problem. Never wanting to hangout or see me because he had "other" stuff he had to do (like going to the city to buy, and all other business associated with "dealing"). I was no longer his first priority, and I don't even think I was a priority at all. His whole life revolved around the process of getting high.

I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about, when you're in love with an addict your life changes in more ways than you will ever know. Our relationship has taken a 180 degree turn - for the worst. Like they say, there isn't a relationship without trust and communication, two things our relationship is clearly lacking.

Today, he has been out of rehab for a little over a month. Signs of him wanting to change at the beginning were wonderful. Going to meetings like AA and NA, attending intensive outpatient treatment and regularly talking to his sponsor were all evident. I finally felt like our lives were beginning to change for the better, I had yet again SUCH an immense feeling of relief.

Obviously, I continued to doubt his word but still in the back of my head I tried to believe everything he was saying. He began treating me better, paying more attention to me - and this made me so happy. Currently (a month and a half after treatment) things seem to be getting worse like we are going in a 1 step forward 2 step back kind of pattern.

My view of him has changed!

My gut feeling of him having the intention of living a sober lifestyle has changed. I have zero trust or faith in him, he rarely makes an effort to talk to me let alone see me, he doesn’t go to meetings, and I don’t remember the last time he talked to his sponsor. My worst nightmare is becoming a reality - a relapse.

I haven’t noticed any for-sure signs he is using again but just the way our relationship is slipping away - really saddens me. And sitting here now writing this - we are currently together but I'm seriously rethinking my relationship and future with him.

Once you deal with an addict for so long - and they don’t prove to you they want to change, their fate is no longer in yours or anybody else's hands - the only person that can help them is themselves. This is why it is so common to see addicts all alone, they put their addiction above all people and things in their lives - and after while it really takes a toll on the people who love them.

DRUGS AND ALCOHOL CHANGE PEOPLE.

My boyfriend is NOT the same guy he was when I met him - and just thinking about it makes me tear up. It hurts me both mentally AND physically. This experience has changed my life in more ways than I can tell you. Everything about me is different, my emotional state, my trust in people, and my physical well being has greatly declined.

Having to worry EVERY SECOND of your life about your loved ones addiction forces you to put their problems and needs before your own, and THIS has been the hardest part for me. I have lost myself, in my search for the guy I once fell so deeply in love with.

If I can give you any advice it is, to not lose sight of your own needs, while trying to help your addict. Give them a chance to change for you - and if they decide to change because of your efforts then that’s GREAT NEWS, you helped save someone's life.

If they continue to display the same choices and the same lifestyle, then it's time to let go. You did your part in trying to help - but at this point it is beyond your control- they must now live with their decision to not accept help from someone who truly cared about them.

Get Help Now!
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Comments for I was once in love with a heroin addict!!

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Great Advice!
by: Debbie Wicker

Hi,

Thanks for your thoughts about dating a heroin addict, you gave excellent advice to anyone caught in this terrible situation.

I writing to encourage you to take your own advice. It sounds like you've given a lot to your boyfriend's recovery and it may be time to move on and away from him.

Relapse is a part of the disease of addiction and if you think he is relapsing he probably is. I know you must care about him deeply, but it may take much longer than you realize for him to totally shake his addiction.

It's probably best for both of you that you go your separate ways. Him so he can continue to work on his recovery and realize that actions have consequences. You because you given so much to him and he is not likely to appreciate anything more that you do.

I would recommend that you begin attending Al-anon meetings so that you can receive support from people who have experienced what you're experiencing.

Good Luck!

Debbie


Amazing
by: Anonymous

Your post is amazing.

I met my fiance in October of 2011. I used to be a straight A student, everyone loved me, I had everything I ever wanted, I was living the good life. Long story short, my man got me on heroin.

As I am sitting here typing this I am crying after reading your article because I was dumb enough to get sucked in. I hate my life, and I hate him.

Change is possible
by: Debbie Wicker

Using heroin regardless of who introduced you to it is always a bad choice. We all make bad choices, some worse than others but change is possible. When the drug is in control we tend to feel like victims when really we can move past it.

Although our life will never be the same as it was before the addiction, we can have a wonderful life if we can learn to make the choice not to use.

Often guilt and shame keep us trapped in an addiction cycle but starting a 12 step program we can learn how to move past our shame and addiction and live the life we want without the drug controlling us.

Join AA, NA or Celebrate Recovery and rid yourself of the binds that hold you in addiction.

addicted girlfriend
by: Anonymous

When I first met my girlfriend a year so she was on a methadone program. I accepted that part who am I to judge. At the beginning we were best friends and lovers. We met at my job and me and her worked together for the most part every day. Her father is a huge alcoholic and before I knew it she was hitting the booze as well.

She relapsed about Christmas time and also got fired for stealing money a week after me moving into her father's house. Thinking back it sounds crazy I know. I'm a very laid back Aquarius so I just go with the flow of any situation.

She stopped using heroin again and went up on the program. This cycle I must say go's on and on. It's always my fault if she is gonna be sick. Mind you she is sick every day. Weather it's the methadone or the heroin or stomach issues it's always something. I was buying all the food cooking all the meals doing all the laundry taking care of her animals all while working full time. I bought her a car and nice cloths jewelry drugs when she was sick etc......

Nothing that I did was ever good enough. I loved her so much but she was a lazy person too. I thought we had a bright future and I am deeply hurt by all of her actions as I had put so much love out there and nothing returned.

I had to let her go to pursue my life goals and aspirations because I felt although we were in love the futuristic outlook dogs not look so good anymore. She hurt me so many times I can't count.

We had some great times when she was normal that I will never forget and seeing her crying and pleading looking into my eyes saying I love you over and over and please don't leave was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. But now I know what living with someone like that can be emotionally unhealthy.

But still after the break up its my fault I'm not helping her when she gets kicked out of her house and she loves me so much more than anyone else will and I'm coming down of the methadone. I said great tell me when you've been off of it for 6 months. That's your goal.

I'm just still so saddened by the whole situation and I feel so bad for her but I just can't do anything for her anymore.

Don't know what to do with Heroin Addicted boyfriend?
by: HeavyHearted

I have been with my boyfriend for 22 months. He’s been doing heroin the entire time and I did not find out until he confessed on 3 January.

He finally went thru withdrawal at my house on 6 July 2014 and he has relapsed again. He is back with the crack dealer woman who blackmailed him the last time he left her and came back to me. He is being mean again and won’t talk to me through phone calls; only texts every now and then.

I’ve finally told his family the hell I’ve been struggling with him for all of this time in hopes they can convince him to go into rehab. I’m not sure if it was the right thing to do or not but I had to tell somebody because I don’t want him to die on my watch. It’s only fair for his family to know that their 44 year old Brother has relapsed again and has never really been clean in the 3 to 4 years he’s been back in Ohio from Michigan. I’m not sure if they will confront him or convince him at all or even say anything to them.

I have cried since Sunday night when I dropped by his place and he would not open the apartment door. He was screaming at me to leave and saying he was not going to open the door. Then the next thing I know the crack whore dealer sticks her head out of the bedroom window and tells me that she’s still riding him and just needed him for a few more minutes and that I need to ‘get along’. I stood in silence and walked away. He just stayed frozen leaning out the window watching me walk away. He never said a word to me.


15 minutes later I receive a text from him apologizing for hurting me so many times and that she was gone and he was now available to talk even though he was a wreck. I never responded.

I know he’s back on Heroin/Crack Cocaine. He’s never quit the steroids or the weed. I thought everything would be ok if I acted like it was ok for him to do the weed because maybe he wouldn’t do the Heroin/Crack again. I was wrong.

I feel helpless and my heart is breaking. I cannot tell anyone about this because I don’t want them to know that I am in love with a heroin/crack/steroid/pot junkie.
The few times I’ve tried contacting him he is mean and tells me to leave him alone and stop texting. He tells me that he has never done narcotics and never will until the day he meets St. Pete but I know he is lying through his teeth.

I just bought a house and he was living here with me in a new city, he had every luxury a man could have yet I and none of these things or the good life was enough to keep him clean.

I am at a loss and feel like I am grieving a death of someone who has passed. He spent $88K on his heroin addiction last year. He told me he just took $20K out of a 401K a couple of weeks ago and now I now that will be injected into his and his crack dealer whore. That will probably only be a month or two.

I fear for his life and keep texting him inspirational/positive messages trying to convince him to get clean. He just ignores me. I don’t know what to do. This is killing me watching him slowly kill himself.


No easy choices!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear HeavyHearted,

Watching someone you love destroy themselves with heroin addiction is unimaginable. Knowing that the disease of addiction is taking over your boyfriend and may kill him can be unbearable. You need to start protecting yourself and no allow him to take you down with him.

You did exactly the right thing by telling his family and allowing them to try to help him. You've also tried to get him to see how awful his addiction is and that he must go into treatment.

Your boyfriend, likely because of the addiction, has turned into an animal who you must protect yourself from. I would recommend you start going to Al-anon meetings immediately and start working the 12 steps. Working the steps helps us to understand ourselves and recognize the damage that our loved one's addiction has caused in us.

You need to set a boundary with your boyfriend that says you will only see him when he goes in for treatment and then you have to try to sick to that boundary.

You should also consider getting some individual counseling support for yourself. I'm a Christian counselor and have worked with many women trying to extricate themselves from an abusive relationship. And make no mistake this relationship has become an abusive relationship which is only harming you.

Please get help and support for yourself and learn how to set appropriate boundaries with your boyfriend,

Debbie

Feel so lost.
by: Anonymous

I have been seeing someone for about half a year now, at first I had no clue apart from that I found out about his past. It was a bad past....but i believed he had moved on....he chased after me and it felt so nice to have his attention.

I was starting to get smitten by him, then he told me everything, he was an addict (crack & heroin) i couldn't believe it, he seemed so normal....but the whole time he was on that crap. I wanted to help him an i even researched where to start.

He was all for it...or made me think so and told me he was back on a methadone programme. I carried on seeing him, then he cheated on me with someone he met online just for sex, he said that it was the crack that made him do it!! I was totally broken into pieces.

I had 2 weeks of tears and being totally down an lost, then he got back in touch, told me he loved me but didn't want a relationship just to keep it casual.

It has been the toughest 6 months i have ever gone through, I feel like i can't walk away because i actually love him....now it just feels unrequited.

I know addicts are selfish and they think of nothing but where they can get their next fix or money from someone to get it. It kills me knowing this.

I kind of wish i hadn't met up with him in the first place.

To 'Feel So Lost'
by: HeavyHearted

I too was with a heroin addict for 22 months. A month ago I had to tell his family and walk away after I caught him with a crack whore. This was the 2nd time I caught him with her. They were doing crack/heroin together.

I loved that man very much and always will but his addiction was killing me. I was going to end up in the looney bin from his addiction.

For 8 months he promised he was going to get clean and do it on his own and he never could. Every time I threatened to walk he would promise to get clean but never go into treatment. It was lies to keep stringing me along.

When I could no longer take it anymore I told his family in hopes they would do an intervention. To this day, a month later I never heard if they believed me or believed his lies or wanted to deal with it at all. It breaks my heart to know he chose heroin/crack over me but I've learned that it's not about me - it's not personal.

Until he realizes that he has a problem and wants to change his life only he can do that. That was a hard lesson for me to learn.

I set boundaries with him per the Al-Anon counselors and told him he could not contact me unless he was in treatment program. As hard as it has been, I have stuck by that statement and not contacted him even though I would love to know how he's doing.

His burden is no longer mine. I can no longer try to fix him or save him. HOW I TRIED!

Now, my days are peaceful and I'm 'present' in my own life instead of forgetting about me and ALWAYS WORRIED where he is, if he's doing it again, if he's going to overdose this time...

His addiction stressed me out so much that it started to bring my health down and make me crazy. I was crying everyday.

Deep down the man who tried to escape Heroin loved me, but not enough to leave the Heroin behind.

Save yourself, and go to support groups like Al-Anon or talk on this website. It helped me greatly.

I pray that he'll get help, call me one day and come back and tell me how his life has changed for the better because he's clean but as each day passes I have to believe God is taking care of him and God would want me to take care of me.

My heart broke when I read your post because I can feel the pain you are going thru such as I did. You are strong and you deserve someone who puts your first, not a selfish addict who promises to get help but never will.

Take care of yourself.

To: My son's drug addictions
by: Debbie Wicker

Wow I'm so sorry to hear what a terrible ordeal you're going through with your son. You had no other choice but to ask him to lave but I'm sure it must be excruciating.

Please consider attending Al-anon meetings, working the steps and finding a sponsor. You need as much support and information as you can get to help your self and your son. Al-anon will hopefully provide you with this information.

I will pray for you and your son,

Debbie

Cocaine is his main chick
by: Anonymous

I recently began dating a man about 4 months ago. The first month of our relationship he was prince charming. He actually wanted to take things much quicker than most normal men do. First red flag because girls usually are the clingier one's but I just thought he was a good guy.

After a month into our relationship he began to reveal that he liked to do cocaine every now and then as "recreational." Me, being a functioning drinker thought well I guess on the weekends.

I later started realizing that it was more and more often. That he would drink, then do coke and stay up all night and then take a Xanax to sleep all day and not go through the hangover.

He began doing this on a daily basis for almost 2 weeks. I was stupid and enabling because I felt bad that a family member of his had just passed away plus he was in a huge custody battle w/ his ex-wife over his children. I felt bad for everything he was going through and allowed it. I figured it was just temporary.

About a week ago, he disappeared on me for almost 24 hours without calling. I was going crazy but his phone was off and I had no clue where he was at. I later found out he had been on a coke binge. I was so hurt that I packed all my stuff and left. I've been dealing w/ picking up the pieces. I've never dated a drug addict.

I'm devastated because the sober him is the best guy ever. He is a great father when he's spending time w/ his kids and he's a great guy to me. But I just can't fathom the fact that he disrespected me like that.

I've been reading so much online, stories like this that have been my support for letting me know that I did the right thing. I got out early. I'm in my mid thirties and have a career, I have an education and own my own home. Things that I worked so hard for on my own with no help. I don't want to seem materialistic but I won't throw my life away.

I'm also afraid that since I drink more than usual, I can fall victim to any other addiction that could be worse for me. I've talked to him recently because I wanted him to understand what he did and that I want him to get help.

He basically brushed it off as he wanted to remain friends and just worry about his custody outcome w/ his children which I would totally be okay with if I felt that was the truth.

I know you can't save someone, you can't just pray for them but I honestly feel bad for this man. I fear he will end up dead and those poor kids will be left fatherless.

I guess I'm not looking for any guidance here, just sharing my story to anyone who finds themselves in my same situation.

See the red flags
Get out while you can
Pray for the addict and their children


MY STORY
by: Anonymous

I AM 23 AND HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A HEROIN ADDICT FOR A YEAR. IN THE BEGINNING, EVERYTHING WAS WHAT SEEMED TO BE THE PERFECT LOVE STORY. HEROIN ADDICT FALLS IN LOVE SO HE DECIDES TO GET CLEAN AFTER HITTING ROCK BOTTOM SO MANY TIMES AND FINALLY FINDING THE WOMAN OF HIS DREAMS. EVERYTHING REALLY WAS PERFECT.

AFTER HE HAD USED FOR SO MANY YEARS HE ACTUALLY DECIDED TO TURN HIS LIFE AROUND AND CHECK INTO REHAB AFTER BEING IN AND OUT OF TREATMENT AND ALWAYS HAVING THE SAME OUTCOME; RELAPSE.

HE LEFT FOR A LITTLE OVER A MONTH. GOT BACK, STARTED GOING TO CHURCH, GATHERING WITH GROUPS AND ATTENDING WEEKLY MEETINGS. MY BOYFRIEND WAS SOBER FOR ABOUT 8 MONTHS AND I WAS TRULY PROUD AND MORE IN LOVE THAN EVER. THE FACT THAT HE HAD ACCOMPLISHED ALMOST A YEAR OF SOBRIETY WAS AMAZING.

KNOWING THAT I STOOD BY HIS SIDE THROUGH IT ALL MADE ME FEEL LIKE OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS UNBREAKABLE. I FELT LIKE THE CHEMISTRY WE HAD WAS THE MOST INTENSE I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. AFTER ALL, IT’S NOT EVERYDAY YOU MEET A COUPLE WHERE ONE OF THE PARTNERS IS AN ADDICT AND THE ADDICTION HAS BEEN OVERCOME.

SHORTLY AFTER 8 MONTHS, THINGS STARTED CHANGING. I AM SURE YOU ALL KNOW WHERE I AM GOING WITH THIS SINCE WE ARE ALL HERE FOR SIMILAR REASONS. MY ADDICT RELAPSED AND IT HAS BEEN THE WORST THING I COULD EVER IMAGINE. HE HAS ALWAYS ADMITTED TO HAVING A PROBLEM. HIS CHALLENGE THIS TIME WAS ADMITTING HE HAD ONCE AGAIN FALLEN.

HE WOULD LEAVE ME FOR DAYS WORRIED, NOT HAVING A CLUE WHERE HE MIGHT BE. ON THE DAYS/NIGHTS HE WOULD MAKE IT HOME HE'D DISAPPEAR FOR HOURS. TURN OFF HIS PHONE RIGHT AFTER WORK AND WOULD JUST APPEAR AT 1 OR 2AM. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE CRIED MY EYES OUT WITH HIM STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

I REMEMBER CALLING HIM A MILLION TIMES FOLLOWED BY A BILLION TEXT MESSAGES THAT WOULD GO UNANSWERED. THE TIMES HE WOULD ACTUALLY RESPOND, THE MESSAGES WERE SHORT AND WOULD STOP AFTER TWO OR THREE REPLIES.

I COULDN'T TAKE IT. I MOVED OUT OF OUR APARTMENT HOPPING HE WOULD STOP USING AND COME AFTER ME. HE DID A FEW TIMES BUT ONCE HE HAD ME THERE AGAIN HE'D JUST START DOING THE SAME OLD THING. HE STARTED THE METHADONE TREATMENT TO JUST LIE AND ABUSE THAT TOO.

WHEN I REACHED OUT TO HIS FAMILY FOR HELP THEY DIDN'T BELIEVE ME. THEY BELIEVED HIS MANIPULATING LIES. HE SOLD MY TV FOR DRUGS, HID MY JEWELRY AND SPENT ALL OF OUR BILL MONEY ON DOPE. HE BECAME CARELESS AND UNCARING. HE HAD NO SEX DRIVE AND MADE ME FEEL SO NEGLECTED. I WOULD OFTEN TIMES ASK MYSELF "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?", "WHY DOESN’T HE CARE OR LOVE ME?". NOT REALIZING THAT I WASN’T THE PROBLEM AND HE IN FACT WAS. HEROIN ALWAYS CAME FIRST. THAT’S JUST THE WAY IT IS.

THERE WERE TIMES WHERE I HADN'T HEARD FROM HIM IN DAYS AND HE WOULD TEXT ME THINGS LIKE "I CANT DO THIS WITHOUT YOU" OR "I NEED YOU AND ALL THE HELP I CAN GET". I WOULD ALWAYS FALL BACK IN BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I COULD HELP HIM. HE EVEN TOOK IT AS FAR AS THREATENING TO KILL HIMSELF IF I DIDN’T REPLY TO HIM OR ANSWER HIS CALLS.

I COULDN’T STOP; I COULDN’T JUST LET HIM GO BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID AND THE THOUGHT OF LOSING HIM KILLS ME (TO THIS DAY). MY ADDICT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE; THOSE OF YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ADDICT CAN POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND THIS. I FEEL LIKE I MYSELF AM AN ADDICT, I AM ADDICTED TO HIM. HE NOW IS ON SUBOXONE ONCE AGAIN TRYING TO GET CLEAN.

I TOLD HIM THIS WAS FINALLY HIS LAST CHANCE. THE LAST TIME I WOULD STAND BY HIM BECAUSE I HAVE PRETTY MUCH HIT ROCK BOTTOM WITH ALL THIS. MY HEART, BODY, MIND AND SOUL CANT HANDLE IT. I AM TRULY EXHAUSTED. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING IN MY POWER, I'VE SAID EVERYTHING I COULD TO MOTIVATE HIM AND HELP HIM THROUGH. GOD KNOWS I TRY EACH AND EVERY SINGLE DAY.

THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HELP HIM IS HIM. HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS THE POWER TO FIX WHAT'S BROKEN. EVERY TIME THINGS FEEL LIKE THEY ARE FINALLY GETTING BETTER, THEY GET WORSE.

JUST THOUGH I’D SHARE MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

Thank you
by: Anonymous

Reading this is like you were living my life only it's been 2 and a half years. He has been in and out of rehab and April 5th of this year was in jail for smashing my truck into a parked car with a lady inside. She was okay and he came out in Oct right before his birthday.

He was doing so great but then it happened last Friday I come home from work and there it was 2 empty bags sitting right on the dresser and the other evidence he tried to hide in the cabinet in the kitchen. He won't change and never will and I just found out I'm pregnant. He is at some point soon going back to jail and or kill himself.

You have no idea on how much of a toll it takes the lies, hurting you like you said emotionally and mentality. He won't change. He has been doing it for WAY too long. Been in and out of jail and rehab.

To anyone reading this if you know someone you meet who is an addict don't fall in love or try to be with them. Now a days it is a lost cause. They will change you and bring you down and use you. They probably never even cared to begin with, just look at you as an ATM and or a place to live or use.

Now here I am pregnant and i will not let him near the baby. That's sad if you can't feel safe for when the baby is born to have their own daddy near them. What if he is high and drops the baby. What if he falls asleep and neglects him or her. He can't even take care of himself how could he take care of a child.

He has 2 kids from his ex who are 14 and 13 he doesn't ever see them or talk to them. I'm a lot stronger today then I was back in April but it took a lot of pain to see the true him and stop pretending to myself he will stop and won't use. I'm only lying to myself.

Save yourself and your family. I'm sorry to say this but once you get addicted to heroin there are only two ways it will end... jail or death. Rehab does change but it's only a matter of time til they relapse and when they do it is a lost cause. you can't help anymore. I'm sorry to have to say it but it's true.

I hope this helps anyone out there before they loose everything like I almost did. He made me loose a job, a car, 2 babies... I had miscarriages because of the stress and him being high all the time. I won't let him hurt this baby.

Please look for the signs and save yourself. Please!!!

You do need to protect yourself and your baby.
by: Debbie Wicker

After reading you story I felt a little of the devastation that you're feeling because of your friend's addiction.

Please consider getting some help for yourself because his addiction seems to have really harmed you and I know you want to be well for your baby.

There are two types of support I would recommend for you. The first is a support group called Celebrate Recovery. I don't know where your from but many areas have these types of meetings and they can truly help your heal from the devastation of addiction.

Also, consider joining an Al-anon group and finding a sponsor who had to leave their significant other because of heroin addiction.

Working the steps should help you to move past this destructive relationship so that you are everything you can be for your baby.

Good Luck,

Debbie

Covering Alcoholic and Drug Addict
by: Anonymous

I too once loved a heroin addict and he stole almost everything out of my house for heroin. Thank goodness he left the stove and my bed but everything else was gone when I got home from work.

I am a member of A.A. and for 4 years I wanted to change him. He did A.A 3 times and relapsed. For those of you that have hope and faith that you can change him/her, STOP! You cannot change anyone if they are not willing to help themselves. The one that needs to change is YOU!
You need to learn to love yourself. If you don't this person will end up killing you for drugs.

I was emotionally torn up because I gave this person my life, love, dedication, faithfulness, etc. and all I got in return was crap. I wished him death at one time.

Thank goodness for A.A. I understood that I was responsible for what had happened because of being co-dependent.

Everyday is a new day for me because I don't live in that darkness of being with an addict. Life is good.

Look for a support group ASAP and get help.

I wish that what you have read will make you realize that you need to LOVE yourself.

I know and understand what you are going through that's why I am sharing my harsh experience with you.

Bless you all,
A New Born Woman

6 years together
by: Unreal

I just found out two days ago that my boyfriend of 6 years has a serious heroin addiction. He only told me because I was on my way to reporting money was stolen from my checking account to the cops while on the phone with him and he said, "wait---I took it. I was going to put it back. I have a heroin problem. Please don't press charges." Suddenly my whole life crumbled.

I love this boy more than anything. My father died when I was 16 and he is the only way I survived. I also battled bulemia and he was so patient and loving and helped me through it.

We went to elementary school together, grew up in the same neighborhood, and were best friends since junior high. People always told us we had a fairy tale relationship.

I broke up with him out of devastation and fear and now he is texting me saying he will die without me and to think of it as saving a life and threatening to kill himself if we can't eventually be together.

I don't know what to do. I can't even get out of bed. I love him so much and feel like I am abandoning him and leaving him to die when he was there for me. I don't know that I want to live without him either....I just don't know.

You must love him but HATE his addiction!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Unreal,

Wow, I can't imagine the shock, anger, fear and sadness you're feeling right now. It's only been two days since you've learned that the love of your life is addicted to heroin and stealing from you to support his habit.

Heroin addiction is a disease of the brain and will turn your friend into a person capable of ANYTHING to get the drug that they are convinced they MUST have. Heroin addiction, if left untreated, is often fatal.

Your friend, even though he may not know it, is in a life and death struggle. You can help him with this struggle but ONLY if you don't enable his drug use in ANY way.

You must get all of the support you can to help him through this illness. If he has any family, you need to both go to his family and tell them that he is addicted to heroin and needs to find addiction treatment.

He must agree to addiction treatment immediately and also pay you back the money he took from you immediately. If he refuses then you must not see him at all until you know he is in treatment.

You both also MUST!!! go to 12 step meetings together DAILY for 90 days. AA an Al-non have excellent programs which are free and readily available. If he refuses to go, then go by yourself so that you learn as much as possible.

Don't allow him to continue to keep this a secret from everyone. The more open you both are about his problem the more likely it is that he will get the treatment he so desperately needs.

Good Luck and try to stay as strong as you can in this awful circumstance,

Debbie

Being with an addict
by: Gab

This is really helpful, the sad part is that we have a baby and he also tries his best to change but he can't seem to overcome his addiction.

He went to detox for the third time around and now he left again without telling anyone and showed up at my apartment. Few nights before that he was suicidal and was taken to the hospital.

His family doesn't know what to do and I don't know what to do to help him anymore. He has taken so much money from me and his family all energy and sanity. It's the new year but it doesn't feel like it.

When he admitted to detox 3 days ago I thought that now for the final time he actually will clean up himself realizing that he has people who love him but at this point I lost everything. My hope of him changing at all and being a good father to my daughter and partner to me is completely gone.

The only question left is how do I keep loving this person? If not how do I let go? What about our child, I was hoping that we could be a family that she grows up seeing us together being there for her together.

I don't know what to think and what to do at this point. :(

Questions
by: Unreal

Thank you for the support. What I can't wrap my head around is how he chose to do it for the first time? He knew it was risking our relationship and yet still did it.

Now I just found out he has apparently had this problem for two plus years...and I had no clue! Was everything a lie? I'm in love with him but I feel like I don't even know him. He has a whole separate hidden life that I was never shown.


Don't give up on him there is ALWAYS HOPE!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Gab,

Wow, what a very sad story. Please consider getting the support you need from Al-anon and trying to get him into a 12 step program. Opiate addiction is VERY VERY difficult to overcome and he will need all f the love and support he can get to survive.

Suicide may look like a very real option for him, because he can't live with the drug but he also feels like he can't live without it. What an awful circumstance for anyone to be in. Addiction is a disease of the brain, and the opiate tricks our brain into believing that we MUST have the drug to survive even though it is literally killing us.

Please try to begin going to Al-anon meetings three times a week, working the 12 steps, and finding a sponsor who has helped a loved one to overcome heroin addiction. Then, try to get him to go to meetings with you so that he will truly realize that there is hope and that he can move past this.

Good Luck,

Debbie

Heroin addiction can be stopped i

There is likely a lot you don't know
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Unreal,

Yes there is likely a lot you don't know. Heroin addiction attacks the brain and changes people causing them to do bad things they'd never consider doing before.

Hopefully, he will get the help he needs and turn back into the person you love and that he wants to be. No one wants to be addicted to heroin, that's why he hide it from you for so long.

Debbie

Been living with an addict for two years, is there still hope?
by: Aspiring school teacher

Hello! Like everyone else I've been with my fiance who is a heron addict. For the first 9 months I had no clue either. Probably because I'm only 24 and and he is 32. He is a hansom and very knowledgeable man, so looks alone couldn't give it away, and his actions were never tell tell signs either he always put me first.



We have a child together that loves him so deeply and although I have been through so much with him there also are so many beautiful times. He has only stolen from me once, I think this is because I threaten to press charges and he is a afraid to go jail. He has made me do things against my better judgment to help him not being sick. Things that are incriminating so I won't say.



He doesn't stay out all night and never has so I'm thankful for that looking at everyone story that is a terrible feeling. He contributes to our household so I guess what I'm trying to say is that although heroin does have its grip on him it hasn't completely taken over YET (I'm afraid it will though it's only a matter of time)!



What he has lost is a real social life and the ability to hold jobs, he has lost a lot of my trust. He does not physically or verbally abuse me but the changes I have been through because of him is definitely mental abuse.



I want to leave because I am ready to get my masters degree and feel like I have worked so hard to be a good mother, full time student, and part time worker, and to accomplish my dreams that I don't want to lose it all or myself or child because of him. I feel like some of the situations he put me in could easily do that.



I love this man so much and we have overcome so much that it's so hard to walk away every time I try I think about how I will lose the one man that I have ever loved to drugs. Also since I found out about his addiction he has admitted to having a problem, we have heart to hearts all the time most time ending in tears from both of us.



But he does lie about relapsing I guess it's shame. I find out because I know the signs well now. He is very street smart also. We both grew up poor and with dysfunctional family dynamics so I understand him and have patience with him because of that. I know he has endured a lot of pain as did I but I think I deal with my by facing it and he tries to cover his up and only expresses it when he can use it as an excuse. He also has started going to the local community college to become a drug abuse counselor which would be great if only he could stop using.



I have seen him take strides in the right direction but I just don't feel like it's enough. His family knows about his addiction and tells me to move on and worry about my daughter because they don't want me going through all these changes which is completely understandable. My mother hates me being with him and i understand that too because i would never want my daughter to go through this either.



I know things will only get worse and that he will one day either end up dead or jail and frankly I'm more worried about the death part even though sometimes I pray God take him away from his misery. I know it is wrong of me but I hate watching him kill himself. I wish I could just move on without looking back but it's so hard.



So many people don't even know this is my life and they look at me as if I'm so strong and well put together but I'm actually not. I feel so weak that I can't leave, but for some reason I still have hope. I pray constantly and even in my prayer I'm conflicted because sometimes I don't know what to pray for.



My addict has recently asked me not to leave because, his brother me and his daughter is all he has got. He says he can't make promises anymore that he has figured it all out and won't do it anymore because he has done that so many times before and it's all cliche. But that he is tired and doesn't want it anymore, he says the drug takes so much from him sex drive, ambition, pride, and more and that he just wants to be normal again he doesn't want to die and he can see himself dying if he doesn't stop.



He also referenced his grandmother, who passed when we met, she was his guardian growing up and his world. She died on my birthday which we always thought it was a sign from God that we were meant to be together. So I wonder is he seeing the light?



He recently went through withdrawal, cold turkey, in the past he has use methadone or Suboxone to get him through it. This time he only had over the counter medicine such as Theraflu ibuprofen, Petobismol (sp) and lots of fluids to him through it. I purchased those things to help his symptoms.



He said it's was the worse thing he ever had to go through and he didn't want to subject himself to that again... he thought was going to die. I felt so bad watching him go through it, but it had to be done. I had to watch him puke his guts up and even use the bathroom on himself, making me lose respect for him because he subjected himself to this, but my heart stayed by him.



He says that he knows it's nothing he can say that will ease my pain and suffering he's right but even after all the let downs I still have hope. I know exactly has taken a step toward recovery but I've been here so many times I'm just so scared that after a few months of blissful happiness we will be right back at scare one. Am I the crazy one?



I truly believe there is something wrong with me for feeling there is still hope for staying through all the pain. As someone stated earlier he is my addiction as well. How can I ever expect him to quit dope if I can't quit him? Will this be my life.... sustaining an addict.



I'm only 24 and have so much more to experience and I have our child to live for, why must I be plagued with this vicious cycle and will I ever have a peaceful way out? I just wish that he could remain clean for the remainder of his life and that we both could find the joy in living in reality (he lives in the fantasy of his drug and I live in the fantasy of hoping one day things will be better.)



I guess hope isn't becoming enough anymore for me. I haven't been to Al-anon or Na-anon but I want to go the only thing is I work and go to grad school and the meetings are at night and it's hard for to afford a trustworthy sitter. I need help because others who do know what's going on say the solution is to leave him and I'm not completely there yet so that solution is so hard.



Writing this I see now how hard it is for him overcome his demons. It will never be an overnight solution. My question to everyone is do they know people who have overcome heroin addiction? Are there any happy endings? Well thanks for reading also if you have any resources I live in VA and would like all the help I can get. Jan. 2014

Original author of "I was once in love with a heroin addict"
by: Kailey

My original story was then. So where am I now? Well, I am currently employed full time at a substance abuse treatment facility working towards earning my CADC (and for those of you who don't know what that is- it stands for Certified Alcohol and drug Counselor).

I plan to start grad school to eventually earn my Masters in Social Work. My personal experience over the years has, without a doubt shaped my future. I have found a true passion in life and finally know this is where I belong.

Today I work with people, offering living proof that recovery is a reality. What tore me down has become my passion; what depleted my spirit has become my aspiration. I find empowerment in helping others succeed. It would be both selfish and self defeating to keep what I have found.

Giving keeps me alive; working with the recovery community is by no means just a job for me— but a way of life. Throughout my journey, I have stayed in addictions treatment and recovery services because it provides me with the opportunity to see lives being transformed, behaviors being changed, areas of resentment being worked through, children reunited with families and families understanding addiction as a disease.

Working in the addictive treatment field also provides me the opportunity to grow professionally as I continue to work toward becoming a Certified Addiction Counselor.

Congratulations
by: Aspiring school teacher

I'm happy you found your niche and that your turned something so dark into something positive. I'm still wonder how much hope is there for my addict? I know you don't know him but what are the recovery rates for herein addicts? Did you walk away from your addict? I don't want to take away from you and your accomplishments because they are great and inspiring but those questions eat away at me.

There is NOTHING wrong with you.
by: Anonymous

The pain, suffering and other emotional hardship that accompanies drug and alcohol addiction is not limited to the addict themselves. The emotional fallout from addiction also has significant and deep-reaching impacts on the family as well. The toll of the worry felt towards the family member with the substance abuse problem can be insurmountable.

After working with families and close friends of opiate addicts in the most difficult stage of addiction, I’ve noticed one primary characteristic present: negative enabling. Consistent exposure to active addiction has the potential to make the most stable person somewhat neurotic.

Often, I see family and friends desperately trying to "sober up" the active opiate addict. These efforts almost always meet with failure because the most effective way to deal with an active opiate addict is often "counter-intuitive."

There are several things that families of recovering addicts can do in order to promote both constructive and proactive family engagement. To start, Family and friends of those with opiate addiction should seek outside support from qualified professionals, such as therapists, or support groups like Al-Anon. These individuals and organizations can offer guidance for people in emotionally volatile circumstances.

Undergoing family recovery or group counseling can be an essential step in helping not only the recovering family member, but to also heal the family as a unit. Counseling can be flexible in regards to both group involvement as well as one-on-one sessions. Families can learn about the unhealthy behaviors and other issues of co-dependency that developed during the period of addiction.

Support groups such as Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are essential in regards to finding support and gaining knowledge of their loved one’s addiction. It is important to realize that in order for the addict themselves to experience quality and authentic recovery, the family must also evolve, grow and learn in order to help accommodate that growth.

Overcoming a dependence on heroin is a complicated, challenging and emotionally draining journey. Unfortunately, the rocky road to recovery presents a challenge to hundreds of addicts who wish to break free from their heroin use. However, for heroin users, the journey to recovery is further hindered by the two main treatment methods available to them being in conflict with each other, these methods are methadone replacement and abstinence based treatment.

Many professionals point out that methadone treatment serves as little more than a 'quick fix', by replacing the former heroin use with another, legalized drug while doing absolutely nothing to tackle the root of the patient's addiction problem. As a result, long-term dependency on methadone is inevitable and the person remains an addict. And adding to the problem, methadone is dangerously addictive drug.

The main alternative treatment available is abstinence based recovery, initially carried out in rehabilitation facilities and counseling facilities. This method, in my opinion (and through everything I've seen through work) is proof that heroin addiction can truly be overcome, rather than merely subsided or replaced with another addiction.

Why people want to use drugs is not a mystery. They make you feel good. Many people don't take drugs because their parents abused them, but if you give them drugs, they will use them. The question is not why people use drugs but why they become compulsive about their drug use. Triggers associated with drug use play a huge role in addiction — the people you use with, the places where you use, the music you listen to while you're using drugs, the instruments you use to inject drugs.

With heroin addicts, just seeing a syringe activates their brain in the same way as the drug does. And through abstinence based treatment we work with addicts to eliminate them and help them to gain more adequate coping mechanisms.

Recovery is possible, I see it EVERYDAY. I did leave my addict, but we have been good friends ever since. I believe wholeheartedly that we beat his addiction TOGETHER, as friends. Whether or not you wish to pursue a future with him, well only you know that in your heart. If I can give you any advice it would be what others told me when I went through it. Don't try to understand a heroin addict, and DON'T accept early promises to change. Addicts are LIARS.

Don't get angry and don't feel sorry for him. Let there be consequences and make sure they are consistent. If he agrees to get help, don't financially support him. If he wants to be constructive-be there to help with positive energy and unconditional love. I wish you the best!

Wow you hit it on the head
by: Aspiring school teacher

I'm greatly appreciative for your wisdom and advice it really it home because this is a hard and confusing journey but I'm most definitely will try NA-anon meetings. I think it will help.

We recently separated but he stills want to be together. It tears me apart but I have been trying to be strong. I will continue r to pray and understand my role in this is a powerless but meaningful one and I pray for all addicts and family members or love ones.

This is one the hardest things I have dealt with but I know God will see me through and him if he wants it like he says everything does. Once again thank you so much!

Hided his lie
by: Anonymous

I will keep this short.

My ex boyfriend is a psychopath. Well i was wrong.
He keep asking me money, stuff for him to sell or me to sell. It was never good enough.. All the money in the world won't make him happy. But he keeps on lieing for what the money is used for. I he got very angry a couple times at me. I broke up with him.

Turns out 1 yr later he got arrested. I had to clear my name because i wasn't sure if he will drag my name thou the mud. So i went down to the police station to tell him what really happen on what he got arrested for.

The police told me my ex boyfriend is a addict of heroin. I was such in shock that my jaw hit the ground.

It made sense when he is lying, stealing and getting angry and throwing fits like a 2 yr old. He wants to be right all the time. Not me, i am never right.

God is good!
by: Aspiring school teacher

Well I'm sorry you had to go through that but I'm happy you got out of it and that he never introduced it to you. You are very lucky because you got out early and sounds like you've got your head on straight because I ended up falling in love and it has been hard to let go but I'm taking it one day at a time because I know I can do it! Thank God you made it out alive and unharmed for the most part!

I love a heroin addict... my son!
by: Anonymous

Thanks for your story. I know how you feel, I have been going through the same thing with my son... It's hard to stay strong.

The One I Love
by: Cass

The part in your story that I especially payed attention to was, "Having to worry EVERY SECOND of your life about your loved ones addiction forces you to put their problems and needs before your own, and THIS has been the hardest part for me. I have lost myself, in my search for the guy I once fell so deeply in love with."

In the two years I have known my boyfriend, he has told me he has wanted to commit suicide twice. I have taken the responsibility and accountability for this.

I have put myself aside for most, if not all, of my relationship because I embraced that this person needed help and I could give it to him, he deserved and needed all of my time, thought, and devotion.

I only now came to realize I had put my own body at risk, and our family's wants. I had not only been minimizing but also enabling his addiction.

I just hope another girlfriend, wife, loving friend see's this and knows they are not alone; if that's it at all, I have felt so alone and as if I couldn't tell anyone or that no one would understand.

Thank you.

Heartbroken and lost
by: Jessica M

My ex had a horrible childhood. He had an absent alcoholic, drug addicted, abusive father and a mother who was the worse alcoholic I have ever seen and her alcoholism eventually killed her. I grew up in the "perfect" middle class family. We were the most unlikely pair. He has spent over half his life in jail because of gangs and drugs (he's 32). We became friends when we were kids (16) and ways had this unexplainable connection/bond and closeness and loyalty that can't be explained.

After 10 years he finally admitted to me that he wanted to be with me and I felt the same. I told him that I'm order for that to happen he needed to give up drugs and alcohol 100% no exceptions. He started drinking and using when he was 10 years old so I was nervous but he did it! For 3 years we had the most fulfilling amazing relationship. My "perfect" family adored him and everything was perfect.

Then, he started hanging out with a co-worker that I knew was trouble. He spent 3 years getting his life in order (got his GED, his license, off probation, had a great job, etc) no one could believe the changes in him. I immediately recognized the warning signs of his new "friend" and expressed my concerns. It took a month before he started using again and I immediately ended the relationship.

Within a month he landed in the ER and almost died and was having sex with different girls left and right. Within a few months he was engaged to a drug addicted stripper. This all nearly killed me. It took me over a year to pull myself out of the deep depression this all put me in. Within a year of us splitting up he was in jail for 18 months.

Fast forward 3 years after we broke up and he's out of jail and he contacts me. I'm still in love with him and never got over him. He tells me he's addicted to heroin (the ONE drug he's never done) and needs me, still loves me, has been miserable since we split up which is why he started using heroin.

He admits he doesn't know of he can give it up but wants to and needs me to help him detox and get clean. I help him over the course of 2 1/2 months detox 3 times and start using again, put myself $5,000 in debt supporting him and pray we can have back what we once had. He swears he is still in love with me. Naturally he says all the right things but is also open and honest that he doesn't know if he can do it.

After all is said and done I find out that the last week he was staying with me he was contacting his ex/fiancé telling her he loves her, misses her, is just using me, etc. knife to the heart. He tells me that he doesn't want her but she gives him free heroin and that's why he did what he did. I have kicked him out and cut all contact with him which was hard but I know it's what I need to do.

I've been told how heroin addicts lie, steal, cheat and use anyone and everyone but I thought I was different because of out past and deep love for each other. I'm hurting every day but thankfully I'm not tempted to contact him and the few times he's texted me I haven't responded.

What kills me the most is wondering if he really meant it when he said he was still in love with me (I was the ONLY person he ever gave up drugs and alcohol for) but he can't kick the addiction or is he in love with his ex/fiancé and I was just a pawn in his game. Was I lied to and used or is she being lied to and used for heroin?

It sickens me that he can have sex with one girl one day and a different girl the next. I want to believe that he will always love me like I will always love him but he can't kick the drugs. I hate feeling like the man I am forever in love with (but will never be with) told me he feels the same but it was all lies and I was being used. His life with me would be 100% drug free, I have zero tolerance! His life with her is drug fueled and she does the drugs with him. He swears that all it is between them is drugs and that he tells her what he needs to to get heroin.

Even though I am done with him and will not allow him back into my life I have this need to know if he really loves me like he said. Numerous family members and friends tell me that they don't think he and I will ever be over each other but that I need to continue to stay away from him, which I intend to do.

It's hard to feel like I will always be settling for my second choice and always want him. Why do I have this need to know if he really does love me and want me but can't kick the heroin or if I was just a game?

Feeling alone
by: Aspiring school Teacher

I completely understand how you feel I have lost myself many of times from taking on his problems i still have yet to figure out a healthy balance in a unhealthy situation.

I really like how you said it's for others to read to know they are not alone because even now that i what know about addiction and his issues i always feel alone because it is hard to talk to others who don't know your situation. Their first response is to leave but as we know we can't leave until we are ready and sometimes we are never ready to give up on those we love.

I wish i had a support group in my area that i could talk to others on but the hours don't match my schedule so i use this site to cope. Your story helped me a lot because i don't feel alone or stupid for the things i deal with.

I have enabled my addict a lot in the past and once again that's a hard balance to find what is enabling and whats not being supportive. I'm praying for better days because i have still yet to give up on my addict.

He is has been lean for a month now and things aren't the same for us right far as feelings but i think if he can continue to stay on his path of being clean i can learn to forgive. Thanks for sharing i need all the hope and understanding i can receive.

Hey Jessica
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry that you have been going through, but we all are either in your shoes or have been there before. I am currently with an heroin addict that i have very deep bond with I have seen him deteriorate over the years from the chronic use not just physically but also spiritually.

Saying that i notice that you seem to think you could hold on if it is just the drug issue and not an cheating issue. Am i right i might have read you wrong? I want to share my story with you because things can get out hand when you are with a heroin addict that share needles or just loosely cheats with no disregard to the relationship.

Well, during my entire life i had not had any STDs before but about 2 years dealing with my addict I contracted herpes. i never cheated so it had to be him on the other hand i never felted cheated on because he did everything right by me no women called his phone all hours of the night everyone underneath the sun knew we were together. We went out a lot he never came home late he never gave me a feeling of infidelity but just because i wasn't aware didn't stop me from contracting something i have to deal with for the rest of my life.

It is hard now to date others because i feel guilty that i have that and don't want anyone to be introduce to it on my behalf. Now saying that I can't tell you whether he loves you or not because im not in his brain, but 9/10 if you have to question it than you are not getting the love you need from him. Like i said early i always felt loved by my addict (i know he loved me because he never tried to intentionally hurt me and he always treated me good, but his dog side of him got the best of our relationship which i think has nothing to do with heroin because heroin takes your sex drive away).

I thought our only issue was his addiction but it wasn't. I wish i could have seen signs of cheating because maybe i wouldn't have contracted this uncomfortable and painful at times disease. But i also thank God beause it could have been worse even if your addict isn't cheating there are far worse pains to experience such as contracting aids or hep C. We kind of play Russian roulette when we are wives or girlfriends of addicts.

I think you have made a powerful move by standing up for yourself and taking time to clear your head even though you still love him. As far as his ex, naturally they will still be involved with each because they have a common ground with drugs and probably with other things if he once was going to marry her. As far as your man can so insensitive because he very well could care for the both of you to the best of his abilities and will never stop dealing with either one of you until one of ya'll make him choose or walk away. But as long as both of ya'll are disliking each other and trying to compete he will be with both of you love or no love. Also, if a man talks about a woman he has messed to you, he will do the same thing when he is talking to the next woman.

I'm proud you have distanced yourself and i want to tell you that if he wants to change he can but it's a hard road and he has to want it not just you. If you do decide to go back because you guys are in love take the proper precautions to protect yourself because you do'nt want to have to learn how to cope with something that changes your health for the rest of your life and have to still deal with his addiction because you scared to meet new people because of it.

Dealing with love and drug addiction is always hard things that get me through is my faith and talking to others who won't make me feel bad for decisions but who will also tell it like it is.

Good luck with everything!

First love was a heroin addict
by: Anonymous

We met at a party where our identities were brief, and the only legitimate information exchanged was phone numbers. Being a few hours away we retreated towards skype often. After months of speaking we mutually agreed to meet.

Fast forward a few months, we're in a relationship. He now reveals he is a recovering heroin addict. Being ashamed of things in my past I wasn't enticed to make immediate conclusions. I accepted him as is, and for months we complimented one another beautifully; I'm an Aquarius, and he is a Gemini.

The bad days started with messages from a girl, saying he cheated. The first thing I learned about being in a relationship with a drug addict is manipulation. Though I had all the evidence to this scandal, and my intuition told me, I remained blissful. I bought the story, and suppressed the truth (side note: can suppression be synonymous to some extent with acceptance?)

After this the lies grew crazier, and it wasn't until he stole money from me that I had my actual realization. After this realization we got into an argument.. and despite being in a relationship with an addict, our arguments usually remained civil. However, this was the first argument he threw around harsh words, and was purposely being a douche.

The only immature response I could formulate was, "What are you using again?" My heart dropped because the look in his eyes said it all. Followed by that seldom silence, so dense in action. No words were exchanged until he admitted. All I said was he had until morning. If he didn't bring himself to the hospital, I was calling an intervention upon his family.

Even though we separated due to all the chaos, I remain in his life in small doses to always ensure his well being. Over the last three years of being separated he relapsed three times, calling me each time, waking me at four AM - what do I do? Each time I convince him to go to the hospital, twice saved his life again. Sometimes I like to dream about meeting him before the heroin did. I think maybe I could have saved him from himself.

My first love
by: Anonymous

Drugs have been around me my whole life. I had never considered trying them, I saw the consequences. My mother was/is an addict (meth was her choice of drug.)

I was 17 when I met him.. He was my mom's friend, so obviously he used. He was quite a few years older than I was.

Growing up in dope house after dope house, drug addicts weren't anything new to me. It was all normal. I had hated drugs, I still do. Finally I realized my mom didn't want to get clean, and decided to love her despite that.

However, being in a relationship and falling in love with an addict is so draining, I literally lost myself. I chose him because he was around when I didn't have anyone else really.

Before we got together he said he wanted to change- he brought this up on his own. We were best friends for a month or two, but eventually we ended up together. I didn't care about his heroin addiction, I didn't love him yet.

I would spend time with him even if he was nodding out. He would text me and text me even when I didn't text back for days. He chased me a little bit, and I loved it. But after about 6-7 months I realized we could not continue like this, he would lie and lie and lie.

He was so convincing, I could've watched him shoot up and he would be able to make me believe he hadn't. This obviously made me feel crazy... I told him we couldn't be together if he was using, I thought that he should get off heroin and then we continue from there (dope, cut down on the drinking, etc.)

He agreed, I told him I wanted us to have a normal life, I wanted to get to know the real him. Pretty soon we would be needing to get our own place and each off needed get a job as to he was living with my mother and I- not paying rent.

Eventually he did slow down on the heroin, after lies on top of lies that screwed up our trust and communication. The thing was if he was nodding out, drooling on himself- then he was spun out.

He would get high and of course I would end up passing out, and he would hangout with another girl who used. It became too much. Being in that kind of relationship and environment literally turned me into a zombie. I started using dope, tired of being the only one who wasn't high. Tired of drugs being such a huge part of everyone's lives that I loved, I wanted to be a part of it. Understand it. But all it is, is false happiness.

This man I am with is the most amazing guy I have ever met. We have been there for each other in ways no one else could, but I cannot handle him using after all the lies. It has broken me down, and tore me apart.

We met for a reason, and I'm not sure what it is. Thank God I didn't get too deep into dope. We have fought so many battles together, but I'm worn down. I can't give him up, either. I have so much hope for him.

Falling in love with him has been the worst and best thing to happen to me. Still trying to decide when enough is enough. Just recently he agreed to go to impatient rehab. Dating a drug addict is terrifying and awful, you feel you need to give them everything and then they will eventually get better. They lie to keep from losing you, and you just feel like no matter how you deal with it, you are dealing with it wrong. Because you are, it isn't your addiction- you cant cure them. They have to decide.

Every user is different, and every move you make is like playing Russian roulette. Not sure what's going to trigger them to get high, he will tell you others are lying "no I never got high last nighty who said that?! Babe they are only trying to break us up."

And oh my God you will want to believe him. You will make yourself believe him because why would he lie, you're only trying to help. I have come to realize, that I haven't been talking to the live of my life... This whole time heroin has been talking for him.

Your story is so amazing !
by: Anonymous

I met my boyfriend when I was 12 and we started dating when I was 14 and I moved in with him when I was 16 and I'm 18 now. He's been addicted to heroin and meth for a year now and everything you said I feel the same way and your story just made me cry.

He has no intention to quit he sells drugs and has guns he's a whole different person but I love him and I can't imagine my life without him. He's been around pretty much my whole life all I want is to help him.

He means so much to me, I know I have a drug problem myself but it's nothing like his. I want us both to be clean so bad but he won't even try. He's completely different then he used to be but it's like I still love him even when it gets ugly.

We're all each other has but now he's getting to a point where I'm scared and I don't know if I can be around it anymore. I know I love him but there's a time where I have to put my life first.

Pay attention to your fear
by: Debbie Wicker

If you're afraid of him and it is starting to get, as you call it "ugly", you need to protect yourself.

Heroin attacks the brain and removes everything from the brain accept NEEDING and WANTING the drug. A person on heroin is capable of ANYTHING to get their fix and you should protect yourself at all costs.

Based on your brief description of the situation I would recommend you seek help for domestic abuse immediately and figure out your best options to protect yourself before something bad happens.

The national domestic abuse hotline is:
1−800−799−7233

Please take care of yourself and pay attention to your instincts.

Great Advice!
by: Angel M

My boyfriend has been using heroin for almost a year... I'm 20years old. I'm tired and fed up with what he does.

He manipulates me to get money from anyone. I try and get it for him so i won't see him sick or being mean... I know I'm not being good a person or helping him out...

He was a loving person he cared about me a lot when we first me met i was 15 years old.. I'm a Christian girl. I have one child. I don't know what to do anymore i feel like i cant take this anymore... I want a better life for myself and my baby.

I didn't even finish high school i left when i was in 12th grade... I wanna go and finish but i feel like i can't because I'm always worried about my boyfriend. . I'm done with everything... I'm going to leave him and may God do what he wants to do... Everyone has tried to help him...

Take care of yourself and your baby
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Angel M,

Heroin addiction is a disease of the brain that destroys the addict from the inside out. It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do for yourself and your child.

As a Christian we are taught right from wrong and it's critical that you listen to that inner voice which is trying to guide toward the right path. God is good, and God is with you, so listen and allow yourself to be led away from the evil of addiction and toward a path that is good for both you and your baby.

God Bless you,

Debbie

Lies, lies and more lies!
by: Anonymous

I fell in love with a guy i met a few years back. He briefly told me he used to be on drugs (never mentioned which ones) and I never asked as he said it used to be a problem. I didn't know much about drugs anyway. I had assumed it was weed for some reason.

He had bad teeth and a lot of wrinkles which i thought was odd and he used to sweat a lot whenever he was under pressure doing anything in the house, he also used to ask for money and get really agitated and angry when i never gave it which i found odd.

He never had a house, a car and kept losing his job. He always kept insisting i go on and called me a waste-woman even though i was trying and studying at the time.

I told a friend and she said straight away he was a heroin addict. I asked him several times and omg he used to say thinks like oh yes I'm a crack head and make up stuff that made him look totally innocent and made me look silly for even asking. The way he used to paraphrase and use reverse psychology was like he was an expert in it.

One day i found a crack pipe and he said his mate put it in his bag!! i confronted his family who had also been hiding it from me. I'm sure a lot of the families of addicts know but they hide it from us.

Eventually i found out and he owned up and of course he said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose me. This was 2 yrs later and I've fallen for him - i guess you cant help who you fall in love with.

I just wish i went out more and found a better guy to fall in love with. He got caught after committing theft to feed his drug habit, and all the while convinced me it wasn't him. I thought he was set up and he went along with that idea.

The police had too much evidence and he pleaded guilty and is currently in prison now. I asked him why he let me believe he was set up and he said 'You brought up the idea and i just went along with it!'

Yes, this is the sort of person i am dealing with, and I'm sure a lot of you are dealing with similar manipulating compulsive liars. He also stole his mums tv and laptop and lied saying i was borrowing it!

His mates tried to warn me but he said they were jealous!! He's in prison now and i cry every night. I'm so depressed all the time, not because he is in prison as such but because if we do end up together my life will be hell on earth, the constant lies, crying to sleep not knowing if he's alive or dead, if he's met someone and is shooting up, if he's in custody or if he's overdosed and died.

He keeps saying he is clean or was clean before he went prison but i doubt it, i can't trust him anymore. I told my family and freinds about him and even wanted to marry him, i feel like such a fool now. It's too late for that now.

I'm not stupid enough to fall for his lies anymore. But the problem is i miss him so much, i hope i find someone else who can make me happy again but this time real happiness not the dream that turns into a nightmare. I wish it was easy and hope and pray that one day soon I and everyone else on here finds someone who really cares about us and we can live in peace once again.

If you are thinking of seeing a heroin / crack addict please don't waste your time, energy and health on someone like that. Save it for someone who is worth it. Don't make the same mistake as I did - you deserve someone much better.

ugh!
by: dumb

I fell in love with an addict. I just did pills before we met. He got me on heroin. He's in jail for 1 year now and that is from God!

I am physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted! I have no support, no car, no nuthin. I'm sober about 3 weeks. Althogh i loved him, i realized i must love myself more. I could end up dead. Od, a beating, whatever.

I will never, ever date an addict again. Jesus is the answer, but the person needs to want Jesus. Than Jesus has to completely take the compulsion away. Google "Jesus, deliverance, drugs." I've not found an easier route to be clean. I'm not healed yet, but hope to be.

Your spouse may die, but w the nightmare i went thru, i must save myself. Good luck all!!

Dating a heroin addict
by: Anonymous

I also went through it, we were together for 4 years after my divorce he is in jail for the the 6th time for domestic violence his family blames me really!!!!

This time I have not talked to him no letters I won't accept his calls. I do visit him.

How can I love someone like that? He stole from me, lied to me, would do drug deals. I hated it! He consumed and me I allowed it?

I have a very strong personality but I feel like he broke me down so bad I don't even know who I am anymore! The empty promises and when he would leave he would lie about where he was.

I can go on for days of what he's done to me but I will never take him back again it hurts everyday but it hurts worse staying with him. I would get excited to see him but every time I did I set myself up for failure because I'd think he was sober and now it was worth the wait but he always goes back.

I feel like I can't win!!! One thing I can say I force myself to keep doing what I need to everyday even though it takes everything in me. I just wish all the hurt and the pain would go away not just what he's done but missing him too.

I know I deserve better I'm mad that now I need to talk to someone I resent him for what his actions and addiction did to me but I'm mad at myself for allowing it. I just keep telling myself if I stay away I will laugh again and I will. I will finally get to focus on me and my children which I will say when it came to my kids (which are not his) he could not come around them when he was high... period!

I stayed at home with them for 13 years and when I got a divorce and dated him I should of been working by now I had a apartment in my ex husbands name my car wasn't up to date that's how badly I focused on getting him sober!!!! And since now I don't talk to him, my car is up to date, I got a job and a apartment in my name... kinda says it all about letting him go.

A relationship with a heroin addict will destroy you, but when you do leave take it one day at a time cause it hurts it may seam easy for me cause he's in jail but it's not. Yes, the stress of worrying isn't there, but he'll be out soon and I won't take him back!

I'm gonna stay strong cause if I don't it's gonna hurt worse to find him dead cause that is and was my biggest fear!!!!

I am a recovering heroin addict
by: Anonymous

I am a heroin addict currently on methadone for the last 3 years.

IT sounds like a lot of you have been out through the ringer but not all of us addicts are the same. A lot of people are certain that all us addicts steal anything we can get our hands on and will never change, that is not necessarily true.

One thing that is true is that you can not help somebody that does not want to be helped, it has to come from within. I also feel that addiction is not an excuse to take advantage of people and treat the people you care about like garbage.

I don't think that most addicts are purposely lying to you about being an addict, we are often in denial and it's a deep shame buried deep within. Before you know it you are dependent and you need it, you don't even get high, just to get out of bed and not spend the day puking, with shakes and sweats.

I just want you to know that we are all different, we need love and support but you have to take care of number 1 (yourself). At the end of the day respect is respect. Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom and become truly lost to find ourselves.

I know I did, and there is hope for some of us. It won't be a short journey and it definitely won't be easy. It's an extremely delicate topic and I wish you all the best, but make sure while YOU are supporting the addict that you don't also become another victim of heroin.

Happy to hear your perspective
by: Anonymous

I have posted on here before and I was on the verge of not only losing my addict but also myself. Reading everyone else's story has helped but I am really happy to read your words because it's from the addict's perspective.

I have not left my addict I just can't bring myself to do it. But everything you said is true all addicts are not the same. And most of our stories don't speak about the good we have shared with our s/o it's mostly the bad (in some cases the bad probably outweighed the good).

I just wanted to say thanks for sharing. My addict has never abused me but it is very heavy dealing with his problems at times and the lies are the biggest issues because it destroys the trust of our relationship. But I'm praying that one day he will save his self and shine brightly like the man I once knew :)

Good luck on your journey and I'm proud that you have been heroin free 3 years now.

to the addict...methadone not the answer
by: Anonymous

I wrote before...

To the addict, thanks for sharing. It's nice to know what you are going through because the men we love, well at least my ex, never liked to talk about it (which shows how much he trusts me!). I just wanted to say methadone is not the answer, it makes you much worse rots your teeth, please book into a rehab clinic and get some other help.

advice needed
by: dazedabdconfused

Hi,

Well, this past weekend I have discovered that my live in boyfriend is using heroin. I have known for a couple of months something is wrong just could not prove or put my finger on it.

Memorial day weekend I found out a lot. I found heroin, syringes, my spoons from my silverware drawer. I also found pawn tickets for stuff that does not belong to him.

He does not know that I have seen all of this. I've been through every emotion this week and today all I can do is cry. I truly do not know what to do. I don't think that anyone can help me and I should probably just erase this but I had to tell someone I feel like I'm dying inside and I'm not on any drugs!

Sorry you are going through this
by: Anonymous

Awwwl it will be okay just breath. Right now you have to allow yourself to feel. I can't tell you what to do but I can say you should think about what is best for you! Have you talked with him about it?

You should seek counseling through nar-anon! It helped me just to talk to others that were going through what I was going through. It will also be hard for people who are not going through what you are going to understand. I wish you the best of the luck.

Hi
by: Ali

Hi Gabby,
I went through a situation almost identical, however my bf never got help. we broke up after 2.5 years when I was 20 (22 now)

Last year, he reached out to me saying he was going to kill himself. After an abusive relationship and many threats to kill himself I didn't believe him, 14 days later he was found dead. I have so much guilt that eats me alive.

Even after all of this I can say that detaching myself from him was imperative and you did the right thing. I just hope God forgives me for ignoring him, I hope he does too where ever he is. I also hope that we all have compassion for this illness because it is terrible, doesn't mean you have to go down with him, be strong.

I hope you're receiving support to deal with your grief?
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Ali,

Words seem completely inadequate to describe how sorry I am that this tragedy happened to you and your former boy friend. I know you likely already know this, but his addiction was the cause of his suicide not you.

Addiction is a disease of the brain and likely changed him into someone he didn't know. The statistics on addiction causing suicide are very high because of the addict hating the person that the drug has turned them into.

There are many grief groups that are available for you to get support from and I strongly encourage you to find a group to support you in your grief. Please google "Grief Share" and you should find many excellent support groups in your area.

Dealing with your grief is so important as you try to begin to process this tragic event. Unresolved grief can be very destructive to you as you move forward to rebuild your life.

May God bless you as you travel through this most difficult time,

Debbie

Worry
by: Anonymous

I cried thinking of the guilt you must feel...but you absolutely were not responsible for his death. Never forget that.

Ever since breaking up with my boyfriend of 6 years who battles heroin addiction, I have dreaded the day I may get a call saying he was found dead because I know the guilt I would feel...but I still can't let him continue to hurt me. Though it is his addiction and not him causing me pain, I still need to look out for myself. You did the right thing, but I know it must hurt.

God bless.

Thank you
by: Anonymous

Hi,

Thank you so much for writing this. I am in the same exact situation and every word and sentence you wrote I felt like it was me. Nobody understands me and reading this really gave me hope in myself.

Laura emily dasen
by: Chris

This individual is a bad heroin addict her lies know no limit, she suckers guys in with sob stories while being a complete selfish junkie slave to dope, she has costed men time money and emotional damage, I
Sorry people when someone is on heroin all they're gonna do is chase dope all day until their veins collapse with hepatitis and hiv, I recommend staying away from junkies dont buy into their lies or fall for their tricks an addicts life leads to nowhere either death or prison awaits them,no amount of praying can save these miserable people who wanna die and bring everyone down with them, stay away from these kamikaze"s

Something for the addict to think about
by: Anonymous

The person who has and still has hope for you doesn't have a "drug" to comfort them. We non-users have to share your hell (that is now also ours) completely sober; with the horrible realization that this is real.

Unlike the addict, we can't shoot up and have that so called euphoric feeling; so in a way we are experiencing just as much pain as the addict does during withdrawal.

Some of our symptoms are: utter terror when we are in public and our addict significant other is in the bathroom for too long, insomnia caused by worry, the guilt of not trusting the person you love, the sick feeling we get when we catch the person we love "using" after they have sworn they weren't, and the absolute worst for me; the feeling that my intelligence is being questioned because I know the person I'm in love with is addicted but they think I haven't a clue.

I will continue to help the one I love because it is not within me to abandon someone who has also, ironically, showed me the most compassion and love of anyone in my entire life. I can only hope his pain goes away. Because when it does, mine will too.

Reply to something for the addict to think about
by: Anonymous

I love this so much I want to share it with my addict it was everything I feel put in such a sweet, kind but truthful way.

Today has been a hard day for me because of all my fears and anxiety but this helped a lot to know I'm not alone.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts because like you I can't stand to abandon my addict because he too has brought so much love and warmth to my life despite his short comings with his addiction. I have never met a person like him and I constantly pray that one he will love himself again and shed the shame and guilt and be the person I once knew!

Thanks again and I wish you and your significant other the best :)

My Ex Fiance
by: Anonymous

My ex fiancé was a heroin addict. He ended up back in prison in February and broke up with me in March. I was with this man for 4 years ride or die.

I sacrificed a lot and I make 1 mistake and he says he is never writing or calling me ever again. That hurts because everything I have been through with him the 4 years we have been together with him cheating on me and having a baby on me when he got out of prison after a year of us meeting and being together.

And for me losing everything and being homeless literally and ended up moving back with my dad after an incident with him and my brother that wasn't his fault it was my brother's.

He went back to prison for a year and when he got out I moved to the town he was from to escape the drama I was going through with my family and it was go this good at first he was going to school and this program he eventually graduated from and was valedictorian.

But things started getting bad after his cousins funeral and started hanging at his other cousins house he grew up with and started on bull, drinking, staying out late, us arguing all the time for him not listening to me smoking weed.

Then one day he met up with a guy he used to be in prison with and knew growing up. He would put others before me and my kids and take money from me to get high and wouldn't come home. He has anger issues.

Back to what I was saying in the beginning, he said he wasn't calling or writing me anymore because I told him I spent my money and fell for a scheme I mean I own up my stupid decisions. Yes, I fell for some dumb scheme, but I was in a depressed stage very bad and I wasn't doing good at all mentally. I was panicking because I had lost my job in February calling in 3 times because of an job injury I had 2 years ago that was still giving me problems and still is even after getting a second surgery in April.

But he never cared to ask why I did it or what I was thinking when I did it. I was trying to keep my apartment and keep from losing my car but it didn't work. I had to move back with my dad which I hate with a passion.

Bottom line is, it is about loyalty I stayed with him through the good, bad, and the ugly and this is how it ends for me. I swear no one knows what loyalty is these days. I am still very heartbroken and still so deeply in love with him. It is killing me not being able to talk to him, but I have God on my side he has given me the strength to get back in school and work.

I read my bible almost everyday and talk to God like he is in this room with me. so anyone in the same situation put God first give him all of you and he will see you through your storm. I did lose myself a little and I am getting it back everyday.

work of the devil
by: Anonymous

Spell casting is forbidden in christianity it is witchcraft and work of the devil. You will get more problems soon after.

my husband
by: mary.

I have known my husband since we were 13 years old. I love him more, and more everyday but its so hard because he's addicted to heroin and I'm struggling and we have 5 kids together He a good dad and all but he hurts me knowing he is on this and i can't help.

He says he wants to stop cuz he knows it's killing me, and he doesn't want to hurt me. He always been there for me no matter what so I am trying my best to be here for him, but it is really hard to do. When i feel he, loves it more then me, i know who he was before he got on it and now i know who he is on it and he not the same person i feel in love with years ago. He changed a lot but i still love him. Someone please tell me, more about this cuz he wants help but it's hard.

Start going to Al-anon and have him go to meetings too.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Mary,

Believe it or not there is a lot you can do for your husband. Heroin addiction is a progressive and fatal disease if left untreated. If your husband had cancer you would get him treatment? Well, this is a disease that can be treated too. You need to find the resources to help and Al-anon meetings should enable you to do that.

Your husband is a different person because heroin has attacked his brain and gained control of it. He must safely detox from it (with medical supervision)and then get treatment to LEARN how to end his addiction.

I highly recommend that you go to Al-anon meetings at least twice a week and learn about your husband's addiction and what you need to do to help him to quit. You need to work the 12 steps at Al-anon and find a good sponsor who has helped their husband to quit using heroin.

Once you begin regularly going to meetings, then invite your husband to start going too. In a safe environment, he can learn what steps he needs to take to end his addiction.

Good luck, and may God bless you and your entire family,

Debbie


my life is the same
by: john

All I can say is this person lives the life I have been living. My big problem is that I am so much in love with her that is impossible for me to leave her. She younger then me, and knows she has me. I do know or think that she does love me, but her love for the drug will always come first.

For the previous person thanks
Now I know I am not alone
God Bless

how do i walk away for good
by: Anonymous

I am in love with an addict and not only that i sit here alone pregnant by this man, but he doesn't care says its not his. He has put me through so much abuse i don't know why I'm still hanging on, when he is clean he's almost perfect but that guy is not around hardly ever. I spend so much time trying to keep that guy around but I'm starting realize i can't compete with black. It breaks my heart i do love him so much. How do I get the strength to walk away for good?

Join Al-anon
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear How do I walk away for good?,

Please consider attending Al-anon meetings twice a week and joining Al-anon. Al-anon will help you to create the support system you need to get the strength to not enable your boy friends addiction in any way.

He doesn't care about you or your baby probably because heroin is controlling him. Once heroin has control of someone they can't care for anything else but the drug.

The statistics aren't good, 70% of the time heroin is a fatal disease. He needs treatment and Al-anon can help you to figure out what you should do to protect yourself, your baby and to give him the opportunity to stop using.

Good luck,

Debbie

Response to How do I walk away for good?
by: Anonymous

Unfortunately, the answer is to just do it! It's just like a drug addiction. You just need to do it cold-turkey, and it will hurt and seem like the end of the world, but you need to turn to any support system you may have to keep you strong and dedicated to your decision. No matter how much it hurts- and it WILL hurt- you need to make a promise to yourself to stay committed to your decision and then follow through with that promise.

This is what I did and, honestly, it landed me in the hospital because, at times, I truly just wanted to die, but I stuck to my decision and got through it. I don't know how I got through it, but somehow I did. I guess it is just like a drug withdrawal, you just have to stick it through and stay strong. It still hurts to not have my best friend and love in my life, and at times the emotional pain is debilitating, but with therapy and support from loved ones, I am slowly but surely recovering. I don't know how to really explain this, but I feel free. I was caged by his addiction and I am now free. Set yourself free.

the addict
by: kellie

Hi,

My name is Kellie and I am 29 years old and I'm a heroin addict, I'd like to tell you about the love of my life.

My love of my life is there for me every day all day my love helps me when I'm sick or in a bad mood I put my love before anyone, myself, my family, job, friends, places, and things. I do everything for my love and then there's times my loves not there when i need it the most, when I'm sick or sad or hurt or alone because I put my love before myself or other loved ones.

The love of my life who I speak of today is heroin. I once was happy and loved myself more then the drug, but I would miss Christmas, if I couldn't get high I'd be late for my own birthday, I'd forget to help my dad when he needed me.

All I want in life is to get clean and make my family and not worry, so my mom can sleep at night and I want my dad to have his little girl back... Please put me in your prayers!

I will pray for you!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Kellie,

You just gave us, in very few short words, the exact definition of heron addiction. Heroin attacks the brain and makes us "LOVE IT" even though we know it's killing us.

Heroin figures out to make our own body, thoughts and emotions work against us, and even though intellectually we know what it's doing, we can't stop loving it. That's why heroin is such as insidious addiction, we know we can't live with it but it convinces us that we can't live without it.

But Kellie, I want you to know that there is hope for us, that we can live as we used to and be daddies little girl again. Many, many, of us have broken free from the grip of heroin and moved past the drug stopping it from controlling our lives.

Please consider going to an AA or NA meetings today, and start going everyday and working the steps. The 12 steps show us who we are and who we can be without heroin. Work the steps and find a sponsor who has been when you're at and can help you to learn how to end your love affair with heroin.

Just like breaking up with any lover, it will be hard and painful, but the rewards of ending such an abusive relationship are well worth it.

Thanks so much for sharing and I will pray that you go to meetings and reconnect with your higher power,

Debbie

To Kellie
by: Anonymous

God bless. You are in my prayers.

Take a look at MedHelp, an online community where recovering addicts and loved ones can go to offer each other advice and support.

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/show/77

Similar Story
by: Will

I fell in love with an addict earlier this year. Since then everything has gone downhill. I have lost everything that I own and was even homeless for a while until I decided to get help.

I got on the drug to by her influence. I know I made the choice, and I accept the consequences. I never really got addicted per se but she was always asking for money. Or asking me to pawn my things.

Every time she would ask to pawn my stuff we would get into a huge fight. I eventually would give in and we would both abuse the drug. I now know that I didn't help her situation in any way because I was an enabler. Then when I started using I just made things worse for her.

Eventually everything to her was heroin. Heroin came first before everything. I remember her leaving me at work after I was done working for four hours in order for them to chase the drug. In the meanwhile, I was stuck at work.

After a while we started fighting a lot. Screaming and yelling over each other being selfish. I felt like I gave my all for her. But it wasn't enough. I literally had given up everything because of her and this drug. I had gone knee deep into debt for her. She used me. I feel like a fool and now that I realize I was nothing more to her than a ride and a way to feed her habit, I feel even more like a fool.

I have since gotten help for this problem. I've gone to detox for myself and decided to get her out of my life. I couldn't live with the constant fighting everyday anymore. Heroin made her like Jekyl and Hyde. One minute she was this loving, caring person, but after using she was a totally different person the next she was mean... very mean on it.

Everyday I think back and wish heroin never came in the picture. It ruined everything. I felt like we had the perfect love. I thought I had found the one. But when she started using in April, everything is different by 180 Degrees. She no longer wanted to spend time with me.

The day before I left her, she ignored all my phone calls and texts. The next day I find out she was in the city buying the stuff with her friends. I couldn't handle it anymore. I decided to leave and along with the fighting and screaming I just couldn't handle it anymore.

Opiate addicted wife
by: AreDee

Wow, did this article hit home. Long story short, my wife has been on norco for 14 years, then buy oxy, and methadone. Her doc took her off the norco and put her on a 12.5mg Fentanyl. She says these do nothing and still is buying oxy. Her friends are more important than I.

Married 8 years, tried the last 4 to get her to wake up and smell the roses, get to re-hab before our marriage is destroyed. Well she chooses the pills, and I am growing so distant from her, she is driving me crazy, she lies, I have no trust, she just up and leaves for hours at night.

Because this drug abuse will never end for her.......and all it's doing to me is bring me down just as described above. It hurts me but for my own health and mind I need to get away from this devastating life!

My wonderful charming and compassionate son is a heroin zombie
by: Anonymous

Chris couldn't have been a more loving son. He was charming, bright, and absolutely adorable. Everyone was enchanted by his exuberance and insightfulness. There would be a line of his followers with him when I picked him up at school. Mothers would tell me what a wonderful friend Chris was to their son.

Unfortunately it all changed when he started using drugs. They probably made him feel like he had while his birth mother carried him inside her, my ex/husband encouraged use as long as you controlled it, but neither of them could.

Now my ex-husband cannot talk or walk and Chris is roaming the streets "drugging and running" as he says. Such a waste of such a beautiful person who has been given all the gifts of intelligence, good looks, and compassion for others.

He has stolen from everyone for the drug, lies to everyone for the drug and lives only for the drug. It is painful and hard to let go but I pray for his wellness with all the love in my heart.

Don't give up on Chris!
by: Debbie Wicker

Please don't give up on Chris. He probably NEEDS you and your support more than you can possibly understand.

When Chris finally hits bottom he will realize that he must quit. Please try to stay in his life so that when he comes to that realization, you can help him to get the treatment and support he needs.

I will pray for you and Chris, hoping that God will help you to deliver Chris from his addiction,

Debbie

My son is a heroin zombie
by: Anonymous

Thank you Debbie. Since I wrote this he asked to go to treatment and then was kicked out for using heroin in treatment. I let him stay with me while I helped him find a doctor for his scoliosis and fill the Suboxone prescription rehab had written.

He stole and forged a check from my checkbook and my computer notebook. I got a call from the police a week later to pick up the replacement checks he had stolen from my porch, which they had found in a stolen Lexus. Now the person who cashed the forged check is harassing me to pay her back. Praying is the only way I can help him from this point on.

So exhausted and helpless from my heroin addicted bf
by: Anonymous

Hello, I need help. My boyfriend of over 2 and a half years is in the worst state of his drug addiction that he has ever been.

When we met he was clean and sober (I knew he had a past with using drugs but I thought that was all behind him), and then when we reconnected he was sober for a year and our relationship was amazing.

He was the one. I knew he was. The way he made me laugh, smile, feel so special. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. He was so positive and he made me a better person. He brought out the best in me and was so appreciative for the second chance at life he was given...

Then in a snap of a finger everything just changed. Going missing, low on money, not wanting to see me as much, not happy, lack of sex drive, things went missing etc... To make a long story short- he went into 3 detoxes in rehabs, one detox he overdosed in and all of the others he either snuck drugs in and/or got kicked out of the rehabs or left the rehabs.

He's so gone it's so sad. This has been going on for 2 years. I'm so tired, so exhausted and I choose to leave him. I thought that would bring him back to me but he's still gone!

He doesn't care that I left and he is still using from what I hear. It's so upsetting that he doesn't care about what we once had and I'm still suffering hoping he will come back as the man I once fell in love with. I'd like to know what to do.

Please help!

Get support for yourself!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear exhausted and helpless,

Heroin addiction is a disease of the brain that ultimately destroys everything in its wake. Because of his addiction, your bf only care about one thing... heroin. His obsession with heroin is so strong that it blocks out everything else in his life.

Generally, when an addict relapses, it's like they never quit. The brain turns back into what it was when he was using before and takes over again. That's one reason heroin is such a dangerous and often a fatal addiction. Most addicts relapse many times before they are actually able to get sober.

You need to get support for yourself so that you make the best choices in the very difficult situation.

Please consider going to Al-anon meetings twice a week in your area. Al-anon teaches us about addiction and helps us to learn to love the addict but to hate their addiction. It helps us to avoid enabling the addiction in any way and set appropriate boundaries for our own well being.

Once you're attending meetings and working the 12 steps it will become clearer to you what your bf needs to do to end this horrible addiction.

Good Luck,

Debbie

Connection
by: Anonymous

I feel such a connection reading your story. I am to 20 years old and going through exactly the same process. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he has been using heroin for the last 6 months.

I always had my suspicions but when I confronted him about heroin he always denied it. I ended up finding him on our bathroom floor overdosed on the drug. He wasn't breathing and ended up going to hospital and being put in a coma.

When he came around he was so ashamed of himself and his actions and promised he would change. I told him I would support him and stay by him if he promised to be honest with me.... He has started seeing a drugs counselor and taking subutex.

The doctors are yet to supply him with subutex so he has to get it on the black market. I always try to go with him when he buys the subutex but I still have to work and can't be with him all the time. I constantly worry that he will relapse and recently he has become very secretive again.

I know the if you take heroin with subutex it makes you violently ill. But that's makes me think he is pretending to take it... I need some advise as I am now struggling mentally myself to cope wth it all...
Do I go?
Do I stay?

HELPPPP!!!!!!!

He should never buy anything on the street
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Connection,

Your bf's story doesn't make sense to me? Subutex is used to help lessen the symptoms of opiate withdrawal, why would a doctor delay giving it to him?

You and your BF need to go together to an honest doctor, preferably one that you know, and you need to get the truth about what's actually going on. If your BF is still buying drugs on the street, there is a very high likelihood that he has relapsed and is using again.

Go to Al-anon meetings and learn how to love the addict but HATE his addiction so that you stop being misled by his lies.


Debbie

The future
by: Shakti

Loving an H addict is like loving schizophrenic man. When in need for dope he change completely and no longer cares for anything.

There is many, too many worries, the problem is you get exhausted. I did no longer have any inspirations I was getting empty.

I decided one day and I told him, If I see you smoking again, I will be out of your life. en

When I saw him, he was smoked. He knew I have power and the will when it comes to self-love. He than asked me to help him as a human-being to human-being. I did. He now is in rehab center but I went away...because I can't lie to myself thinking this will never happen.


I want a healthy family for my future children and I know he would be wonderful father, but for how long? How many months or years will pass till next relapse?


And he let me go too. He said: I love you, too much to see you like this. Run from me love.

We decided to meet again in next life. :) Can't wait:) but this life we will need to be separated.


My advice: take time foryourself, go somewhere without him, for a week, two..Decide and than act.

I'm going through this too!
by: Sara

Your story really touched me and made me tear up. I'm going through this right now and i feel so alone. I have no one to talk to and i cry all the time. I miss the guy i fell in love with so much!

my story of being in love with an addict
by: Anonymous

Hi,

I live with an addict who I have spent 9 years of my life with. I've tried to be there for him and help him as well as having my own mental illness to deal with and a child.

It beaks my heart and hurts so much I've always accused him of cheating and still do really because I can't trust or believe in him in any kind of way. I do love him but don't ever know what to do? He isn't loving or anything I just don't know what to do?

amazing !
by: Anonymous

I am so in this situation right now, so lost and emotionally drained. Your advice is amazing and absolutely 100% right, you can't help someone who isn't ready.

Confused
by: Anonymous

I too am in same situation but she is the addict who promised me not to use after having a child ..my problem or confusion is her siblings, except for one, also use and one of them is the supplier ..anyway she lies about going to see her sister .. but i know different ...this causes anxiety on my part as i sometimes see these people and want to strangle them ..for what they are doing ..she cooks and cleans and looks after the child and that's what so screwed up..she loves me but she lies to me and uses money for her addiction which personally could be put to better use and that's what angers me the most ...
I got to the point where i started to look for someone else which was even more depressing than her addiction.....am i being unfair to controlling and untrusting ...too paranoid ...?

Take firm decision before it is too late.
by: ngs

I was married to a heroin addict for 17 years, I love him with all my being, I believe in God that he will be delivered from this and i gave all the support, we had two beautiful children.

After he was delivered miraculously, he left me and the children for another woman. We prayed to God for him to come back home, being so sick he came back. We forgave him and after 4 years again having relationship with another woman after I found out. I starter collecting all the facts, this this I decided it is enough.

So now we are separated/divorced, it is better for me to invest my time and money on my children. During our married life also he was not at all bothered to be with his family. He is only interested to have fun with his life.

So friends if you are in my situation decide before it is too late. For me, I am 53 years now, but everyday I am happy and becoming more and more confident. We all are individual and we can celebrate our individuality, healing is available, if you are true to yourself.

Thank you and God Bless.

Acceptanfe
by: Anonymous

Perhaps hanging in there is a problem in and of itself. Trying to help someone and expecting results and being angry despite the facts. He's an addict. Just let each other go. I think a self help book suggested this. Accept or don't. It's pretty simple.

Life is so much beautiful!!!
by: Experience

RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. Don't hasitate. You can't help him/her.

Save yourself, love yourself!

HELP
by: Anonymous

Hi everyone.

I'm so desperate for help right now. My boyfriend is a heroin addict and he's been in rehab for the past month. He comes home on Monday.

While he was away, I learned the entire time we were dating (4 months) he was still using. He told me that he wasn't and that he had stopped. He was couch surfing a lot, and ended up living with this girl that he told me was an old soccer friend's sister.

Well, that was also a lie because I found out he met her on Tinder and asked to move in with her when he got kicked out of his old house. Then, he proceeded to bring many girls there and have sex with them, all without my knowledge.

He's manipulated, lied, and convinced me to do heroin with him. I don't do that anymore, because I am in IOP myself, and it was only 1 or 2 times.

I don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend very much, and I know he loves me. I know his heart and I know he's a good person when he's not using.

What do I do? Stay or go? I've never had someone in my life like this before, and I'm just so stuck. I'm very close with his mom and his entire family, and I don't want to lose that closeness with them either. PLEASE give me the absolute honest truth, I'm tired of trying to do this by myself.

Currently in love with an attidt
by: Anonymous

I can't believe you're 20 years old and how smart you are. How You Just Changed My Life!

This Is To The Woman In The Pink Dress, Everything You Said Is True... Is True... So True That I Am Crying My Eyes Out To Know That This Drug Has Won And How It Stripped Me Of My Life And My Best Friend.

I Have Given Him Up Because He Keeps Rejecting Help And MY Love. I'm Mad Because I'm 38 And he's 58 And He's Suppose To Be Loving Me But For All Of These Years Of Being With Him... All It's Been is Him Getting High.

I am so hurt beyond belief I am ready to 4 get about him like he has me. He abuses me emotionally and mentally. These users are pathetic they know better they just don't care and protests why he's not in my home and is sleeping on his sister's couch.

Heroin and relationships
by: michael

I met my wife 15 years ago. She had a past, 8 years prior, of heroin use. She got pregnant and we married, lost our first son, then God blessed us with a girl then 2 boys.

I worked she took care of us. We had a great 12 years of marriage. I never got bored, my wife was the only women for me. Then she started taking pain, then speed, then heroin.

After a year of her stealing me and our kids money items ect. the police arrested her for assaulting me and breaking windows. I got a move out order and restraining order. Last 2 years she is homeless in at the park one street away doing bad things even robbed my house when we were out of town.

Courts keep letting her right out, me and kids are going downhill as we can never moved forward as she will not go away. I'm moving far away as soon as the kids school year finishes. Consider yourself lucky. Regards

Thank you
by: Anonymous

Wow, thank you so much for sharing. I am grief stricken from the addict I love and realize that him not contacting me and doing his thing (and honestly I don't even know what he's into now), but I know it was heroin but it's not alcohol and probably women now too. Because of all the dishonesty who knows what else he is doing.

All I know is that I am not his number one nor number two priority. I am zero priority. He and his addiction rank first and he's selfish and has taken advantage of my goodness and wow it hurts like anything to be rejected.

I see the hand of God rescuing me because of what I see from your posts and others. It's a lifelong issue of dysfunction and unless they truly surrender and give up all the things that cause them to stumble it will never work. I feel like a fool but it's only been a few months for me.

Thank you so much - God bless you and the people posting and God bless the addicts in our lives may they find true true freedom and those who love then find peace.

Me too
by: Anonymous

Reading this is so crazy because everything you have said i can relate to so deeply. I'm so passionate about this subject & this drug, after loving a man addicted myself. I am SO happy you have the mindset that you do because loving someone so deeply & watching them kill themselves everyday & turn into such a fearful person is nothing i wish for anyone to go though.

Anyone out there going through this you need to remember that it's not your fault & it's way beyond your control. Don't forget to take care of yourself too. I'm so sorry... my heart really goes out to everyone who can relate to this. Stay strong!!

It never works, You're not the exception to the rule
by: Heroin Addict Ex Wife

It will not work, it can get better, but it will always get worse. You cannot help an addict. You can only enable and prolong. I will reiterate, yes it can get better, but it "ALWAYS" gets worse.

It will be hard to leave, you will feel guilty, you will feel like your abandoning, but you will get over it and your life will be better for it. You will never be first in an addicts world, if they say you are, then you know they have no problem lying to you, you'll always be 4th in they world

1st, drugs
2nd, dealer to get drugs
3rd, money to get drugs
4th, you,... maybe

Rip off the band-aid and get away as fast as you can, you are worth more than being 4th place, a distant 4th at that...

-J

My man!
by: Anonymous

So, my boyfriend and I have been on and off for the past almost six years (and best friends for ten years). But anyways he is getting really bad.

He has overdosed more times than he can count. This man's intelligence is in the genius levels. He made a bad decision with the wrong people. His addiction is so bad that he has been in and out of jail for the past two years. He violated his probation and he has a three year cap. So he is going to have to do the three years.

He is the only man that I am ever going to love. I am very overwhelmed because he is going to be away for so long because I miss him. But at the same time I know it's good for him. He tries to stay clean. But his brother is an addict too and he gets caught up in it with his brother.

He is accepting everything now and he is not going to have any contact with his brother until he is clean. I didn't try to force him to stay clean but I told him that I couldn't live like that anymore. Not knowing if he was dead somewhere.

I have seen him dead three times. I will never get that sight out of my head. Seeing him blue and cold. It gave him a wake up call thinking about it. I love him so much but I know that he is okay and he is going to get better. Our plans may be on hold for a little while but he is worth waiting for. Every second. Minute. Hour. Day and year that I wait for him to come back to me he is worth it.

Sometimes it takes someone having to be locked up for a long period of time to see that a drug is not worth taking over your whole life and ruining your future. He will be 27 when he gets out but he will be clean and happy. Then we can start our family.

I know we are going to be fine but there is that fear that is probably always going to be there for a relapse. But I have confidence in my man and we can have the life that we have been talking about.

Its a love them hate them situation
by: Anonymous

I can completely relate and it is a tiring, heartbreaking process... we become stuck in a co-dependent relationship where we are focusing unnecessary energy on someone that has no respect or love for us, but just love for their selfish habit.

We can be as 'supportive' as possible, but in the end they will turn the blame on you and get sick of the nagging and hate you... when all along your intentions were pure... the clean person trying to help gets heartbroken in the end.

It's tragic really... but it makes us stronger & cautious... we go on to repair the damage the addict has caused us.

I needed to hear this
by: Karen

Thank you so much for this information. I feel the pain as I have just given up on my addict as well, after two hard long years with brief bits of love. As you said we need to look after ourselves.

The lies and hiding the addiction takes its toll on you. I am so fragile at the moment, I just continually shake. It is hard to talk to friends because he crashed my car this time last year and hit another because of his addiction.

They do not comprehend and wonder why I am still with him. He lost his license and I supported him on a methadone program for 9 months until he wanted to go cold turkey. Now, four months on he has been on a binge for the last four weeks. I kicked him out last weekend.

It is so so sad. I have to let him go now! I have supported him to no end! The world can be so harsh. I tried to help him with his past demons - but could not help.

I gave him all the love anyone would want but it was not enough and I told him I did not want to be a second option.

I cannot understand how they can be on the nod and still lie and deny they are on anything. It made me crazy, and I though I was delusional.

Thank you again. I hope we both find happiness!

Numb
by: Anonymous

You just get numb.

You love them. You hate them.
You hate yourself for staying, you hate yourself for leaving. You start acting like a crazy person. You care so much, they care so little.
You think about them every minute of the day, they act like you never existed.

The worst thing I ever did in my life was to fall in love with someone addicted to drugs. I'm still dealing with the pain, and I'm still dealing with the fact that he wants nothing to do with me after everything I did for him.

You just get numb.

And sometimes that is better than feeling anything. Eventually I will forget. Eventually I will move on. But I will never get into this situation ever again. I do not wish this life on anyone.


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