Is it an addiction?

by Rachel
(Missouri)

I am 19 and have been doing drugs here and there since I was thirteen. Then when I turned 17, I was introduced to pain-killers and started to take them occasionally too. Then it became weekly.

I still don’t use everyday, but I do take painkillers at least three times a week if not more, sometimes less. When I am off for two days or so I cannot stop thinking about getting high again but then the day after I take them I feel so guilty that I won’t quit.

I have "tried" but I feel like I keep putting little effort into it. After all if no one knows and then it must not be a problem. If they can’t see a difference in me then its not affecting me. That’s how I see it sometimes.

I’m so conflicted with myself because I want to, want to quit but when it gets down to the niddy griddy of it I don’t think I’m addicted so I just keep using. Basically I think you have to use everyday to be an addict and I don’t use everyday just a couple times a week but I still feel like I can stop if I try but it’s like I can’t make myself try to stop even though after every time I use I say its my last time.

Basically my question is where is the line drawn between recreational use and addiction or dependence?