Mother of an addict

by Donna
(Oklahoma)

Where so start? My son is 21 and is an heroin addict. He is in another treatment center, hopefully his last.

Why will this one be different? Because I am now done. I love my son more than anything and have done more harm than good, by ignoring the fact that he was addicted.

What addicts don't know or care about is the effect it has on everyone around them. We walk on eggshells when they are high, we hide our stuff because they will steal it, they blame us for their life sucking, but yet they drag us into their addiction and their drama and the craziness of it all.

Why do we do it and allow it? Because we love them and we think we can fix them, because maybe we didn't parent the right way and made mistakes?

I only know that it will never end and I can't allow his choices to destroy my life, I sound kind of selfish by saying that, but yet I watch him die day by day, what kind of mother does that make me?

He has made bad choices and all I can do now is pray and support his recovery. He is in a great treatment center, not the typical hospital setting with Dr.'s and counselors that do it for a living, but a place where the doctor is a recovering heroin addict and is an all male group setting.

He lives there and has now committed to 6 months there. I am hopeful he stays but not holding my breath yet.

But I do drive 3 hours once a week to go to family support meetings, it helps him and me, and let's him know this is his last chance with me, I can open up there and say what I need to and leave knowing that he has people there that can relate and can help him through it, but he always knows I love him, I can go on forever but I am running out of room.

I will post more..