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My long battle with drug addiction

by Rachel
(Sydney, Australia )

I'm a 28 year old female from Sydney, Australia and only noticed I had a drug problem 3 years ago. I was 12 years old when I began smoking pot, I was already smoking cigarettes by then too. At that age I thought it was cool, so I was high everyday, I started dealing pot to support my habit. I already had a lot of good friends at school but since my life revolved around pot I would only hang out with potheads and they were mostly male.

I was 14 when I tried my first ecstasy pill with a man twice my age I barely even knew, I loved it so much so the next day I called that guy again to do ecstasy again but this time I had 2 pills and 5 lines of Coke.

I was driving around with a man I barely knew off my head at the age of 14, then he drove me somewhere, I had no idea where it was, and stopped the car and tried to kiss me. I stopped him and said I wasn't interested, and to this day I feel so lucky that he just dropped me home.

Anything could've happened to me that night but at such a young age I never thought about that I was just loving drugs and how it made me feel. I was uncontrollable, running away from home and getting into fights. My dad had enough so he signed me out of school when I was in year 9.

That's when I fell in love with my first boyfriend and moved in with him and he's mum. He was 3 years older than me and we both enjoyed taking drugs mainly pot which we were both smoking heavily everyday.

But over the years he became abusive physically and very controlling so from 15 to 18 I had no social life I became depressed and suicidal. I was about 17 when he started to sell the drug ice (methamphetamine) and that's when I started smoking ice.

I loved it because it numbed all my feelings I felt alive again but my weight dropped and every weekend I was getting arrested for my violent behaviour. Towards the end of that relationship is when I nearly went to jail for assaulting police and hitting a man with a weapon till there was an inch of his life.

That was the moment my behaviour completely changed, I stopped getting into trouble and haven't been arrested till this day. I became spiritual and found peace within myself. But my drug use continued just more quietly and I was using by myself.

But that wasn't good for my health and sanity as I was getting intense paranoia and anxiety to the point I would not leave the house. I couldn't keep a job and was afraid of being out in the public. Though I can be smart in many ways because I'm a thinker and very self-aware i was able to heal myself by altering my mind and thoughts. I wish I just had stronger will power against drugs.

It was not until I was about 25 years old, when I had a self realisation as to why I am the way I am. Because I was obviously unhappy and I was alone. So I wanted change, but I know the only way that can happen is to find the root cause to my problems. I'm convinced that I take after my dad as he had drug and alcohol issues all he's life and I know I have a problem because I can't go by one day without being off my head. And I began to feel guilty about how much drugs I use especially being a female and how its deteriorating my looks and the more guilty I feel the more I use.

It was a continuous cycle and I was lost. But it doesn't stop there because at 26 I did the most stupid thing I can ever do.. I started to use heroin and I am injecting it into my veins everyday now just so I don't feel sick and people can notice.

I am still using and currently going through detox. I have tried to detox many times but failed but I will keep trying because I have never wanted to quit all drugs and just be normal like I do now.

So everyday I am fighting my addictions and hoping one day I can beat it and leave all this behind me for good. It has been 14 years of heavy drug use and I am sick of it I'm sick of being alone and losing my vitality for life.

I hope my story can change the life of another and if you are thinking about using drugs or new to the drug scene all I can say is quit now because if I knew this is how it's gonna end up before I started using I would've never used at all. My whole life feels like it's always been involved with drugs and I need drugs to function and socialise, that's not normal and it's not fun anymore. I will do my best to stay clean. Thanks for reading xx

Comments for My long battle with drug addiction

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Response to: Battle with drug addiction
by: Anonymous

I have a similar story to yours Rachel, but I haven't tried heroin because I've seen beautiful people destroy their lives so I'm glad I was strong to not go that far. But not judging at all, at the end of the day drugs are drugs no matter what your using, it's a disease more like OCD a fear of reality and boredom. Before you know it your trapped.

You sound like you want to get clean which is a huge step and i want to say I'm very proud of you. :) Just keep fighting, you've been using for a very long time right? Ask yourself... Do you want to be in the same position 5 years ahead? Or if you begin your path to recovery now who knows what doors will open for you in 5 years time. Trust me quitting is hard but not quitting is harder.

Hope that helps
Stay strong
Xx

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