My son is killing himself and I have to standby and watch

by A mother
(Chandler AZ)

When my son was five he got very sick, which left him with kidney disease, the doctors have said it is a matter of time before he needs a kidney transplant.

With that said, he is now a heroin addict. He doesn't steal from me, his choice to fund his habit is to sit with a sign "Good kid down on my luck please help." Also, he has been arrested for shoplifting a number of times.

Everyone tells me to kick him out, tough love, At any given time because of my sons kidney problems his blood pressure is up in the 160 range. The kidney problems have stunted his growth both physically and emotionally so he's not very tall and very immature, and this has affected his self-esteem.

I have been a single mom since he was seven, his Dad couldn't deal with his illness, or used that an excuse I'm not sure which, guess it doesn't matter he's not in the picture any more. My son would take advantage of me expecting me to support all his friends this has gone on since he was 12, and he would kick himself out for bouts. Taking off to California because he liked being on the streets in San Francisco.

But he'd always end up coming home, and I'd always end up letting him back. I had dated a man since my my son was eleven who was a widower with 3 sons. We held off on getting married long story short for various reasons, and my sons behavior was one of them.

Finally the last time my son took off. I moved out of my house rented it out and married this man. Then my son got arrested again this time for burglary tools, breaking into cars. It took some doing but I talked my husband into letting my son into living with us. But I didn't know at this time he was using Heroin. I kept thinking it will be different this time, it's not just me and Chris, my husband is a strong man I thought he could make a difference in Chris's life.

We tried to put structure into my sons life he was now on probation, his PO was telling him get a job, he had a mandatory drug testing, he was in court ordered classes. He was talking about going back to school. My Husband let him know that he was the boss in a firm kind way. My son would leave the house every morning with a lunch I packed, he was told his job was to find a job.

When he wasn't looking for a job he was to be at the library or the YMCA. He had to be home for dinner at seven or he would miss it, and be in bed at eleven. He seemed to be responding to this, my Husband put him on our insurance he was getting medical help he needed to address his kidney problems, and he was scheduled to have a mental health evaluation.

Then today he got arrested again for shoplifting, the officer said he didn't find actual Heroin but all the fixings were there, and He knows Chris is using, and I know he's using. I am sure as the officer was that is what is fueling the stealing. The officer looked truly sadden by this, and said to me "I know he's young this is so sad I can tell he's a good kid." Now because he has a couple of warrants (we didn't know about), and he is on probation he's going to jail for awhile.

Now here's my problem do I let him back into the house when he gets out? Do I put my new husband and my marriage on the line for this, do I put my kind loving husband though this?

Tough love and kicking a drug addict out seems to be the only answer for most people. But for my son that truly could be a death sentence. My husband will keep him on our insurance because that is the kind of man he is.

But I can't ask him to pay for rehab and I can't afford expensive programs. Do I tell his PO that I know he's using? Were can we turn for help?