Narcotic addict boyfriend, my first love
I met him when I wast 15 years old, and we lost touch for many years. Now i'm 23 and we met each other again. He was sweet, and nice, and picked up the pieces of my previous broken relationship. He made me trust again, and showed me what really love is, how a girl should really be treated.
I pushed him away so many times and he just kept trying and kept coming back. Finally we began a serious relationship. I was a few months in when he told me he was using narcotics. I didn't really understand what that meant- i had seen so many kids in college smoking weed and using molly and many other things so I was so naive. He asked to borrow money once or twice for random things and I sensed a problem but I still didn't do anything.
Eventually his parents found out and sent him away to a rehab program. We emailed each other as much as possible-he said he loved me and I loved him and he truly wanted to get his life on track.
Now he is out- but the thought of me fills his mind with terrible memories of him using and so he refuses to see or speak to me. It completely breaks my heart.
He said once he fully recovers and doesn't feel anxiety from the thought of seeing me he will. And he will make an amends with me for all the pain its caused me.
I'm scared he will get better and move on. I've sat here for weeks writing to him daily, attending NA meetings to educate myself (which he knows about) and doing everything I can do provide him support.
He's met with my best friend to just talk about what is going on, and I got him into contact with someone to help with his therapy. I would do anything for him but I'm scared he will never be able to see me again.