Strong 16 year old!

by Alicia
(Ontario)

My name is Alicia, I am 16 years old. I have a long story, and I hope you stick around, and read the whole thing.

It started when i was 4 years old, My mom started shaking on the couch beside me, I felt her leg kicking, next thing i knew, shes on the floor, with foam coming out of her mouth, my aunt told me was shivvering, she was just "cold".

I was 8 I remember we we're outside, My mom was showing my grandpa the new pool liner, the pool was empty, and just concrete, thank god she moved... she moved a couple feet, started shaking, fell over, smashed her face off the trailer hitch, blood was everywhere, i jumped over her shaking body to grad the phone to call 911.

One day, my mom didn't wake up, But she was breathing, she just wouldn't wake up.

One day, I was in the car with my mom, and my brothers 3 friends, they all didn't have seat belts on, mom was talking funny. I remember smashing into another car.

She was shaking because she overdosed on perscription pills.

I don't remember any good times with my mom. I remember being little, and her not even knowing who i am. What 5 year old wants to hear that from their mom.

My parents divorced when i was 11, things got worse, she abused me mentally, & verbally. She went to rehab, it did not work. She is mentally not there anymore, because drugs got her in too deep to pull herself out... she doesnt know me.

I havn't seen or talked to her in 1 year. I miss her more than anything. What 16 year old doesn't want to have a mom. I go through so much in my life without her, and i'd chop off my own legs just to have her in my life sober, but that will never happen.

If your reading this, and you are a addict, and you have kids, do the right thing, and get clean. That's not fair for kids to go through this, I am a strong girl, and now a daddies girl, even though i want my mom.

I have a dream everynight of her shaking. It's such a scary thing. I want to help change people, and make a difference in people's lives.

I hate sitting around thinking about how much my life sucks, when i want to be out helping someone who felt like i did, yeah i still miss my mom so much, but i feel like she's dead, theres no going back if i wanted to, shes just laying in a bed wasting away.

I've seen her try and get help, but she did not suceed, shes a weak person, But i believe you can change anything. especially if you have kids.

Don't let your life be like my moms.

In 2 years, I am going to school to be a drug and alcoholic addictions councullor, i am going to be the best out there, and im going to save many lives, and fix so many familes broken hearts.

I hope you take all my story and put it in your heart, and remember no matter what you do in life, it should be for you, and for you family. I am a strong girl, and i will never follow in my moms footsteps. I love life.

Alicia