by: Ned Wicker

Dear Denai,

Yes, it is very common for an addict to blame everybody else for his or her problems. Often they are last person in the room to know that they have a problem, which can be frustrating for those who love them.

They need to see the problem for what it is – their problem, not yours. He will need to get into treatment and into a good recovery program to fight off the cravings and the addiction. As long as he is in denial, however, it’s your problem and not his.

You need to find a way to talk to his family, his friends and collectively try to encourage him and help him see the need to get help. Be steadfast. Don’t let him turn the tables on you. You need to insist. If he continues using the cocaine and doesn’t get treatment, your relationship will suffer and you will be left with nothing.

So you see you have a fight on your hands. If you want the relationship, try to gather family and friends together and form a plan on how to move forward. Talk to a local treatment center or hospital and find out the options available for you and for him.

You should also find some Al-anon meetings and attend them. They have lots of information and support for you. The more you know about addiction the more you’ll be able to actually help him.

Good luck!

by: Denai

Thanks for your response. My cocaine addict boyfriend moved out 3 months ago, he lives with his mom now. I do not think that his family is aware of his addiction, but i do think they are aware that he was using cocaine in the past.

I do not have any communication with them on a level to where i can talk to them. I am just tired of putting myself through this every three days. i have not heard from him in 3 days nothing, and i have not tried to contact him, because i have not done anything. he had been out of work for about a year.

He started back last week, got paid. i really have spent no time with him since. he accused me of lying and not being where i say i been, he bought me some perfume, and said i did not seem appreciative enough, it was crazy and then he left like i did something. i am so tired of this situation. i don’t know what to do help me.

Every time he stop talking to me for 3 or 4 days. I start talking right back with him, like nothing never happen. its very hurtful. i know i deserve better. i guess he can support his habit now, and he see no reason to be with me. The job never lasts long. I do not want to be with him anymore. It’s too hard. I keep going back though.