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You have to go through the worst before you get to the best.

by Felicia
( Indiana)

me today, sober <3

me today, sober <3

me today, sober <3
me today, sober <3

I was 13 years old when I first started smoking pot. Of course I liked it, who wouldn't? I would smoke daily, it would make me feel happy, care free, I would laugh constantly and that was great I loved it.

When i was 15 years old I snorted my first pill because my friends told me "Just do it! It will hit you faster and it feels great, there is nothing wrong with doing it." So I did. I snorted my first pill.

When it hit me damn the feeling was amazing, nothing could compare to do. I snorted pills day after day after day. It was easy to hide because my father didn't care when I left to go to my friends house. She had easy access to drugs so we were always do whatever we could do to get weed, pills, or alcohol.

That isn't when it got to its worse. When summer started I was hanging out with a different friend, she woulld get Xanax bars, kpins. We'd take that shit and get straight fadded. I didn't know what I was doing? I didn't care what would happen, life wasn't the best so I said f it.

Everyday we were taking pills and hanging out with many people. All day everyday we would be taking pills, feelings numb was the greatest thing I have ever felt in my life. It was amazing. Not having any worries, not caring, not thinking, not wondering, not being sober enough to text people talk to talk to anyone but the people around me.

Not talking to anyone for days and it being okay because they didn't wonder where you were at or how you were doing because they had their own life to worry about, even though that is sad because that's my family not caring.

After the beginning of the summer I slowed down on the pills because they were harder to get and I wasn't hanging out with the same people anymore. Then I was usually just smoking pot. It is hard to exactly remember how things went so I will try my best to explain. I stopped doing pills as much and I just usually smoked weed.

Then things got harder so I was always asking people for pills. Any kind, and then by myself or with people I would crush it up and snort it down. It started again doing it all the time. I wouldn't just do a little at a time either, I did a lot, pill after pill after pill I took or snorted.

I was like a zombie, not showing feelings, not talking to anyone, not being happy, nothing. I was a zombie. I did not care what people thought either. Drugs are all i cared about. I was losing myself, guys used me all the time and I didn't see it. It happened a lot.

I was losing friends, the ones that meant the most to me. Like I said though I didn't care what happened or who I lost. There was a counselor at my school. She knew everything that I was going through and what I was doing. She knew all the drugs I did and who I liked and what was going on. She was telling me what needed to happen and how I was destroying myself.

I stopped doing pills, but then I started hanging out with the wrong crowd again and then started taking pills again, I got so fed up I didn't know what was going on.

People told my father I was saying "my dad don't care about me, he doesn't love me." I do not remember saying that.. I blacked out. What else could I of done? I don't know because I was too fed up to know what I was doing!

I stopped again after that, because my friends were going to leave me if I did drugs again. Not even a week later I did pills again.. I thought all the times I stopped doing pills I could do it by myself but I really couldn't, it was to hard for me. My mind craved the pills, that is all I thought about.

The last time that I took pills I realized that I could not do it by myself. So I told my counselor that I needed help because I could not do it by myself. Then I told my parents that I needed help because I am addicted to pills. They all said that they will do whatever they can to help me get sober.

My choices were I could get sent to rehab for few weeks to get treatment, or me and a few other people from my school can work through addiction together and fight the urge. If that doesn't work though I am going to go to rehab.

The people that I would do drugs with I stayed away from because I knew I could not say no to drugs if they had them. That made them mad because I would not hang out with them. So I almost lost one of my friends, and then I just lost another because I did not want to go to her house because I know there is always drugs there.

Now here i am, it is hard very very hard. I always get headaches and I always have the want of pills. Every time i start thinking about pills I text either my counselor or some of my friends that are helping me through my addiction and they get my mind off of it. It has been so worth it because I feel like such a better person, I am always laughing and I am always happy.

I have not been sober for very long don't get me wrong. But I plan on staying sober. I love the feeling of "being high on life" I get those random moments where I can't stop laughing or I get so damn hyper for no reason at all. It made me happy because I knew I am being like this totally sober and its just because life is so good.

I can be my complete self around everyone, not having to hide anything from my family or friends feels so good.

I don't have to lie anymore. I can be happy and totally content with my life. So I told you all of this because I want you to know, being off drugs is a blessing, it is the best thing that I could ever ask for. You do not need drugs, there are people who will always be there for you and help you through addiction. Stay Strong, you can make it through this bump in the road. <3

Comments for You have to go through the worst before you get to the best.

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Good start, keep it up!
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Felicia,

Thanks for telling your story, hopefully it will help some else avoid drug abuse. You seem to be a very strong and mature person and certainly are on the right track to get your life back.

I know it is VERY hard to stay sober right now but it will get easier. Having others walk through this with you is so critical so stay with that group as long as you can.

You may also want to look for a church in your area that has a teen addiction support program, often church youth groups a good place to find new friends and to connect with God.

Keep up the good work,

Debbie <3

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