1 year since my last post w my ex heroin addict bf
I posted a little over a year ago. I had been w my on again off again heroin addict bf for 5 years. Took him to rehab. He got cocky n arrogant. Left me while he was in rehab. Got a bogus op on me - slept w other people - got kicked out of rehab - went full back into heroin n then reached out to me.
During the process of having no contact w him I decided to move out of state and get far away from him. About a month before my move I let myself get sucked back into helping him. He got kicked out place he was staying n still working at a gas station for drug money and I told him I was moving.
I made the worst mistake ever by taking him w me. I believed all his lies and manipulation that he loved me n was so sorry etc.
Fast forward to about 3 months ago the cocky arrogant attitude in him showed back up. He started smoking weed. Then went to dabs and taking pills he was buying from a smoke shop. He got caught in numerous lies. I believe now he was also cheating. He works w a heroin addict n pot smokers etc. And now he has been gone again for 6 weeks.
He has turned my life upside down just like he did a year and a half ago. It has been 7 years of mostly hell. He's w me when he "needs" me and then when he got new place to stay n new friends n new girl he's gone.
He left his dog behind again with me. Which is fine as his dog will be safe w me. I cosigned for a car for him during our happy time and now he is trashing it of course and nothing I can do. He's all over social media again telling everyone including his family I'm crazy and he just smokes weed so he's clean. Everything he's doing is everything he did last time n the time before etc.
All promises he made broken. He told me it's my fault because I wanted him. He tells me I'm a possessive n crazy n he have a great life without me. His dad sent me text saying it's my fault he relapses because I want him to need me because I can't get another man. This is the same dad who won't ever help his son when he relapses n told me to leave him in street.
I'm reliving the past w him again. And that is my fault. It doesn't make it hurt any less. I have doubts he will stay away from his drug of choice heroin. He hasn't been able to do that in 13 years. Before he left this time he showed signs of using again .. like runny nose n dropping cigarettes n burning holes in things n at times having energy to clean which he never did unless he was on dope.
He would mean out in his sleep after staying up all night and itch. I took videos of this. But I have no proof. He bought a dab pen so he could smoke all time even at work. He unblocked the people women who laughed at me n my pain the previous year n told me I was a dumbass when I cried about it. He blamed me for everything.
So here I sit again w my head spinning asking myself wtf. Is he headed for a relapse again? Is he just a narcissist? I know now without a doubt he used me. Hes always used me. N if he does relapse again I know I'll be the person he calls as that's his pattern.
Will he ever change? He has now brought all bad I was hoping to leave behind to a new state. It's like different state n different year but same shit.
Please help me understand. Please help so I won't go back as he always comes back. The sick part of me is like waiting for him to fck up n call. I don't want to put myself in that position again. I know he's w someone new. I know he's smoking weed n dabs n the pills from smoke shop. That high has never been enough for him.