8 Years sober and still rock bottom.

by Dino
(Bedfordview, Johannesburg, South Africa)

Well my addiction started when I was 15 years old I started with tobacco, alcohol and dagga within a few years it escalated to acid and Ecstasy. I was kicked out of primary school and high schools even running away from home.

My first of six rehabilitation places, before I managed to kick the habit when I was 17 years old Noupoort In the Dessert. I was kicked out and ran away from there too.

When I came home, I ran away to Cape Town... I was in my 20s. I smoked dagga and was introduced to crack cocaine which very quickly took me to living on the streets, doing crime, breaking houses for a living and being involved in gangster activities.

I'm not going to give much detail, but with my active addiction I was incarcerated in 6 rehabilitation centers, 3 prisons and 4 mental institutions then I met my wife that worked at my father's company.

When I was 30 years old and knew I was going to be a daddy, I was ecstatic, I quite the drugs and chose to be a good father and man (provider). I was still drinking alcohol and had a active sex addiction throughout our relationship and marriage. We had a beautiful white wedding I got a house for us, I made partner at my fathers company and life was perfect I was so happy.

Then with the drinking alcohol and active sex addiction and the pressure of being a partner, I became toxic for my wife in 2017. I was admitted to rehabilitation for alcohol and sex addiction.

My wife said she wanted a divorce unforgiving... I'm due to be divorced August 27th, its been 2 years we have been separated. I'm single, and I despise the woman. I have no compassion and have no good in me because the divorce.

I lost my house, I don't even own a car. I lost that to with losing my wife. I'm still 8 years off drugs and 2 years off alcohol sober and clean. I live and work with my father and earn a very bad salary. I can never afford to do anything so most days I'm depressed and miserable.

It's just the last 3 years have been so very difficult on me not to mention traumatizing. I have contemplated suicide several times, only thing stopping me is my daughter. I love so much and live for her.

I just don't see much hope in the future it's even gotten to the point I miss then fun of drug addiction, but I know deep down is a lie to make things worst. I do have a sponsor but do not have the means of going to NA and AA no lift or transport. I just wish life could get better.

Comments for 8 Years sober and still rock bottom.

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Divorce recovery often as challenging as addiction recovery.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Dino,

I'm so very sorry for the difficult circumstances you find yourself in. Thank you so much for candidly sharing your story with us, so others will know that they're not alone in their trauma from divorce.

As an addiction and mental health counselor, I often work with people who are in addiction recovery and also trying to recover from a difficult divorce. From the little bit that I know about your situation, it sounds like you're in the middle of trying to rebound after a very traumatic divorce.

From my experience, I see divorce as a grief trauma equal to or worse than a the death of a loved one. When we're married, we had a life-time plan of who we want to be and what we want for our family. Divorce shatters those plans.

We need time to accept the divorce and re-plan our lives. Grief is different for each of us and usually involves many difficult emotions. But grief can be valuable, because it allows us to reshape our lives based on the reality of being single again.

Please consider finding a divorce support group (online if not possible to attend in person). I've found a good article about choosing the best group that I recommend you read as you choose which group might be best for you:

https://divorceandyourmoney.com/blogs/divorce-support-groups/


Re-planning our lives takes time, so please be very patient with yourself and you work through this extremely difficult transition. There is no timeline for grief and transition, and you need to give yourself the emotional space necessary to re-orient your life. Loss is always so difficult but after a while it does get easier, even though it may not feel like it will right now.

Debbie

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