8 Years sober and still rock bottom.
(Bedfordview, Johannesburg, South Africa)
Well my addiction started when I was 15 years old I started with tobacco, alcohol and dagga within a few years it escalated to acid and Ecstasy. I was kicked out of primary school and high schools even running away from home.
My first of six rehabilitation places, before I managed to kick the habit when I was 17 years old Noupoort In the Dessert. I was kicked out and ran away from there too.
When I came home, I ran away to Cape Town... I was in my 20s. I smoked dagga and was introduced to crack cocaine which very quickly took me to living on the streets, doing crime, breaking houses for a living and being involved in gangster activities.
I'm not going to give much detail, but with my active addiction I was incarcerated in 6 rehabilitation centers, 3 prisons and 4 mental institutions then I met my wife that worked at my father's company.
When I was 30 years old and knew I was going to be a daddy, I was ecstatic, I quite the drugs and chose to be a good father and man (provider). I was still drinking alcohol and had a active sex addiction throughout our relationship and marriage. We had a beautiful white wedding I got a house for us, I made partner at my fathers company and life was perfect I was so happy.
Then with the drinking alcohol and active sex addiction and the pressure of being a partner, I became toxic for my wife in 2017. I was admitted to rehabilitation for alcohol and sex addiction.
My wife said she wanted a divorce unforgiving... I'm due to be divorced August 27th, its been 2 years we have been separated. I'm single, and I despise the woman. I have no compassion and have no good in me because the divorce.
I lost my house, I don't even own a car. I lost that to with losing my wife. I'm still 8 years off drugs and 2 years off alcohol sober and clean. I live and work with my father and earn a very bad salary. I can never afford to do anything so most days I'm depressed and miserable.
It's just the last 3 years have been so very difficult on me not to mention traumatizing. I have contemplated suicide several times, only thing stopping me is my daughter. I love so much and live for her.
I just don't see much hope in the future it's even gotten to the point I miss then fun of drug addiction, but I know deep down is a lie to make things worst. I do have a sponsor but do not have the means of going to NA and AA no lift or transport. I just wish life could get better.