God Given Gift, To Be My Own God!
I'm a 39 year-old, and have two beautiful daughters, ages 11 and 16. I've been using daily, since the age of 12 years old. I've used meth, cocaine, ecstasy, marijuana, Xanax, Subutex, and I've tried everything, at least once. My drug use has kept me from doing so many things, that I should of been doing.
I have been through court ordered rehabs, and in prison rehabs 3 times. It never helped, because I had no idea, that I was a God!! Everyone had always told me that I could do anything that I put my mind to, but I never believed them.
I started using as a way to become closer to my Dad. He is a drug dealer, and a lot of my family, dealt drugs. So it only felt right that I continue this legacy.
Although, it never did bring me closer to my Dad. He treated me as if I was just another transaction, in his dealings. My mother on the other hand, has always been a religious person, and has always been there for me, regardless of what I was doing.
I'm the parent now, and I am ashamed of my own parenting skills. My daughters know that I've dealt and used drugs, for as long as they've been alive. Most recently, I've been using Meth, Xanax, and Subutex on a daily basis for the last 3-4 years.
Until 2 weeks ago, I had an unexpected life changing event, in my basement. I was in the basement getting high, and hating the fact, my life had ended up here. So I said a short prayer, only a couple sentences long. God, why am I here, and what can I do to change it? That was it!! My life changed, that night.
I've always been told that people can't just quit. Well I now know, that was a lie!! Anyone, can do anything, that they want to do. After hearing God's words, I immediately went for a walk, excited about my newfound knowledge.
As I was walking, I actually felt as if, I had been in a dream, and I had just woken up. I actually said out loud, "Welcome Back!", where have you been!! I truly felt as if I had woken up.
I shared this story, with a few people, that didn't seem to believe me. That's not important, because I am positive that this was my turning point. I had a couple of pills left, and a small amount of meth still on hand. So I decided that I would finish them. Was this a good idea? Probably not, but that's what I did.
Over the next 2 days, I finished what drugs that I had, and I also sabotaged myself from getting more. I cussed my pill dealer out, and vowed not to speak with him anymore. There were a few more people that I let have it, just to get them out of my life. I broke my bowl, and finished every drug that I owned!!
So what happened in the basement, when I spoke to God? I don't know how it works for anyone else, but anytime that I've spoken to God, and gotten a reply, it's always been my voice that replied!! Then it dawned on me, God's gift was for us to be God of our own lives!! Why did it take almost 40 years to realize this??
I am proud to say that I haven't used, since I decided to finish what I had left. Has it been hard? No, it actually hasn't!! I am free of want or desire to use drugs!! Never let anyone tell you that you can't. It's bull.
How many times have you heard, You control, your own destiny? It's so true. You can edit your own life!!! If you don't want it there, take it out. If it's bad for you, unplug it, and plug in something else!!
Has it been hard? Not really, other than a few sleepless nights, thinking of where I want to be in my life, the life I am in control of!!! No withdrawal, no cravings, no more. If this helps anyone, please share with someone else!!!