Heroin Saved Me!

by Brianna
(Westfield, NY)

Here's my story to share:

Eight years ago i was a smart, spoiled high-schooler going through a typical breakup. While trying to feel better, i met a guy addicted to opiates. We began seeing each other and i began doing opiates regularly. I continued to use after school and thought i became in love, but our relationship was me relying on his drugs.

I spent that year trying to get through school, losing friends and excusing my withdrawal as colds and missing school. The relationship became abusive, but i stayed. I skipped my 11th grade year and graduated early while still using.

I began partying heavily but relying on opiates for anything. I got pregnant with my daughter the summer of 13 and started college just to drop out. I worked at a gas station and quit all drug use.

After i had my daughter, i began going out a lot and used opiates again. Within a month i was using everyday. I became a CNA and started making better money that went no where.

After a year my bf brought home heroin and said it was crushed pills, i knew something was wrong but continued using. I lost almost 80 lbs, and could barely make it to work. I began shooting heroin after a few months and engaged in illegal activities to support my habit.

I lived in a car that was unregistered and unlicensed.. After getting deep into the lifestyle, I quit my job and went to Florida after stealing a lot of money. I was in and out of 14 rehabs in Florida with my bf, i was drugged by a stranger, watched someone get shot, ended up watching people overdose and more things i can't talk about. I spent weeks sleeping under the tri-rail in Miami and fighting with my s/o over constantly getting robbed.

I came home after six months and relapsed again with my younger sister who was 17 and also addicted to shooting heroin and other drugs. I think one of the worst days I had was sitting in my car, crying, blood all over my grandma's new Camry seats, because I spent my last thirty dollars on heroin, but all my veins had been ruined and no matter what I did I couldn't do it. I was so sick I was shaking, and tears dripped back into the spoon as I tried to remix it because it gets thick after you get blood in it. At that point, it was like I was watching myself in a movie, and I realized how pathetic I felt.

When i got home i had a slew of charges to face. I stole $50,000 through bad checks, I got a possession charge, multiple driving without a license, fraudulence, conspiracy and stolen property charges I took for my daughter's father. 3 days before i picked up on my warrant I prayed to God to either let me die, or intervene so heavily that I couldn't screw it up because I felt I had no choice.

I went to jail on six warrants after speeding to the jail to meet a bail bondsmen for my boyfriend. I was put in jail on a $60,000 bail for 3 months and detoxed off a 2 gram a day habit with 32 charges over my head in two states. Although I was sick, I was free. My addiction couldn't reach me and nor could my boyfriend. My prayers were answered. I was put on papers and sent to rehab, first short term, in long term i pled to more charges in another state and was only given 1 based on being six months clean and the judge had seen many kids die before they changed their life...

I went to a halfway house where i got into my steps, had a home group, and helped run the house, here I met a lot of beautiful people that taught me to sit down and shut up in meetings. My final month I took a bus an hour away and applied to take the entrance exam for the nursing program.

After a year I came home to my beautiful daughter, got a job as a waitress and got accepted into the nursing program. My nursing assistant certificate was given back to me after proving myself to the state, but I lost 2 jobs in the process. I was dating a guy that relapsed and in the process was sent to jail after doing nothing, but trying to save his life.

I found myself wondering why God's plan led me back to where I started? When considering it, I now am glad because he got clean, it could've saved his life by realizing how severe consequences can extend to others. He went to rehab.

I missed some school, but was let back in and made all my time up after I told my teachers the overlapping of my old life and my new life. I got my license back and never missed any appointments or meetings. In May i graduated the court system and had all of my charges dropped because so many people wrote letters to the court for me. I stood there in tears while a judge decided my record would no longer expose the monster hiding inside me, he gave me a new chance at life.

I am now working as a nurse at the place that fired me based on my background check, everyone at work knows my story and holds me accountable, I have real friends, and more importantly a relationship with my daughter. I lost 2 very close friends to addiction and they both helped me get where i am. Sometimes I wonder why it was them and not me, but here I am.

In September i will have 2 years clean and go back to school to further my nursing career. You can do it, even if you did heroin with dirty needles in Tim Hortans bathroom and overdosed, you can do it.

You don't have to die, you might gain weight, lose friends, feel insecure, get in another bad relationship, lose a job and maybe even relapse but you can do it. It gets better, just keep coming back.

Comments for Heroin Saved Me!

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Your past doesn't define who you are.
by: Anonymous

Excellent show of strength, perseverance and resiliency. YOU GO YOUNG LADY !!!

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