Don’t know what to do anymore iam lost
by Lucy
(Canada)
What should I do with this mess that is haunting me after 15 months of separation. I kicked my husband out of the house 15 months ago and since then so much has happened? I found out that all of the things that I asked him to leave the house for are true as I have known this for awhile now but he would not admit it.
Finally, now it is out in the open. As soon as I start getting stronger and on with my life he comes back in the picture. I guess I keep letting him because I love him and i don’t want him to think that I have given up on him. He comes around makes me feel good for a couple of days and then BAM does it all over again. I am use to his routines and i have accepted the fact that I am his Tuesday, Wednesday girlfriend.
This is not what love is suppose to be. He was never like this and always treasured his family and the fact that we have been together since the age of 15, now we are 42.
We got married at a young age and i have been through many obstacles with him through lifes journey, but nothing compares to this. I do love him, but the love for him grows weaker with every time, I get let down.
I don’t call him for a couple of days, he calls me and for a bit it makes my feel good with only the little bit of attention he throws my way, its because he gives me hope that he is gonna change as, he is a meth addict.
He started using this drug a couple years i would say before i asked him to leave. My daughter is now living with a oxy dealer and she is an addict of oxycodone. She has lost her son and I am raising him now all alone.
I don’t have a husband to lean on anymore. I know he cares for us but he has lost the person he once was, and it is driving me so crazy. He still has a job and I can’t see how he is keeping it.
I am taking him to court for support as I need it for the baby, I got laid off of my job and from where I am from, there are no jobs to get so I have has to turn to assistance.
Shoot, 42 raising my grandson and just lost our home because my addictive husband forgot to pay the mortgage for the last 4 months, but somehow afforded to buy a truck.
I ask myself what am i even doing talking to him and the answer is…he makes me feel guilty for asking him to leave that night and kicking him out of our home.
I don’t know what to do about this anymore. I know there has too be a lot of people out there who is going through this as well or similar. That drug is awful and so devastating for the family who has to sit back and watch it happen.
The reason that I hang on and allow this is because I don’t want him to feel like I have given up on him, our life and all we stand for as a family. We are from a small town and it kills me inside whenever I hear the latest gossip about him.
My one son does not even want to come to this town because he is so embarrassed of his dad, as he was an addict also of crack and has straightened up his life. He is 24 and his dad is 42 like I am so sickened by this.
How could he do this to us. These users are quick to blame everyone else for there addiction but we have not gave them the drugs. It sucks how all the brunt gets put on the spouse, I was the blame of everything for years. When I gave him a beautiful home and kids and life and he has thrown it all away for the needle and his drug buddies.
I can’t compete with that, and I am so sick of trying to help him as it is taken everything I am away.If anyone has any suggestions as to this please advise me. Should I get rid of him in hope he will change. Or should i fight a lot harder for him to change…HELP ME PLEASE I am so stuck…..
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Respect Yourself
You are not alone! Your story is like those of millions of others, who have suffered the loss of a marriage, a loving family and the dreams of youth. Your husband is a loser, who has lost control of his life, other than to satisfy his own wants and desires. Of course he manipulates you. He has destroyed your marriage, his daughter is an addict, his son is a recovering addict. Let me ask you one question. Have there ever been any consequences for his actions? Think about that. Does he suffer? Does he lament the fact that he hurt is daughter? Does he care about his son’s feelings? Other than getting what he wants from you, does he give a damn? It’s good that you take him to court. That’s a consequence. As the old saying goes, hit him where it hurts. The court may order that he pay support, but he probably will show the judge his middle finger and not pay a dime. Deadbeat dads are all over North America. Money aside, you need to respect yourself and stand up for your values. If you want to be his sometime girl, that’s your loss. There’s an ugly term for that. Where is your self respect? I guess I don’t understand this “stand by your man” lament, because it only winds up in you taking the hit. You’re only 42, there’s a lot of living to be done. There is really nothing to lose, so get rid of him and tell him to go away. The relationship is toxic. Find somebody nice. They are out there. Decent guys who will love you and respect you. Set some standards and treat yourself well. There’s an e-book on our site, “Getting Them Sober” by Toby Rice-Drew. Excellent book. Buy it and read it. |