I am an alcoholic with 12 years sobriety, now I'm hooked on heroin?
(Hazel Park MI, USA)
I am a recovering alcoholic. I have not had a drink in over 12 years. I am also bipolar and for about a year now have been having mixed episodes where I am manic and depressed at the same time. I didn't even know until today that, this is even possible.
About 15-16 years ago I experimented briefly with heroin. About 6 months ago I ran into an old friend that does heroin so I asked him to get me some. The relief from the depression, the fatigue, and the chronic pain was immediate. I don't know if this makes a difference but I don't shoot it in a vein, I do it in my arm muscle, so I don't get the immediate rush, instead it's gradual. Now though I am confused because when I don't have it, I am not sure if I am going through withdrawals or just back to how I felt before I used it.
My husband stood by me through all the crap I put him through while I was drinking. Now I don't know how to tell him about the possible heroin problem.
After I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and properly medicated I did not have a depressive episode in over 10 years. Last year I fell apart. No trigger. The depression is so bad suicide crosses my mind, but I know that is not the type of solution I want, I think about the relief it would bring, but I know what I want is relief, not ending my life. I just feel that the doctors cannot help and the heroin does.