My Dad Drinks and hurts me?

by Ryan

I’m 39 and my whole life my dad has had a temper, he’s irritable towards me, cranky basically verbally abuses me in different ways. I do not have think skin, I hate this!

Since I can remember he drinks beer, every day 1 or 2 at night. Do not know if he drinks at work. On the weekends he drinks beer while watching tv, doing house work, etc. sometimes 3 beers up to 8, I don’t know I don’t count.

It has been like this for ever and I cant handle his sarcasm, he is a bully basically a verbal bully. He doesnt really drink any thing but beer.

Please help me is he a functional alcoholic and him being so cranky to be my whole life is that withdrawals?

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by: Ned Wicker

Dear Ryan,

Your father might drink every day, a few beers, but that doesn’t automatically make him an alcoholic. It is, however, an indicator. It doesn’t sound like to two of you have an open and honest relationship, even though you’re 39 you’re still treated as a child.

Are you living with him? If you are, that might explain some of the sarcasm.

You mentioned that he drinks every day.

Does that mean more than 12 to 15 per week?

How has his drinking impacted his life, his family, his job?

Has his health deteriorated over the years?

Does he drink with his friends or is it always alone?

When he is sober, is he a bully then as well?

Is he ever a nice guy?

I would recommend a call to Al-anon. They know what you’re living with and believe me, they’ll understand. That’s what they do.

To effect any possibility of change, you’re going to have to have a plan and get the rest of the family on board with it.

If he is an alcoholic and in need of treatment, you’re not going to want to fight this fight alone.

A couple of books may help you. One is “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” by Joe Herzanek, which is an excellent guide for understanding the alcoholic person.

Another book is “Getting Them Sober,” by Toby Rice-Drew. Excellent materials for you to study and ponder.

Your father’s drinking is his issue, so it cannot become your issue. That sounds trite, but it’s a very important statement. Alcoholism is a family disease, and everybody suffers.

He’ll deny that. He’ll argue with you and probably call you every name he can think of. But the disease clouds his judgment, his thinking and his humanity.

If he is in fact an alcoholic, you’ll have to band with the rest of your family his friends, to show him that he has a problem and he needs treatment. You’ve got some work to do.

Save Yourself

by: Anonymous

If you are 39 years old and your family has not shown up to help you yet, they probably are not going to show up anytime soon.

My suggestion is to get to some professional counseling and see what role you want this man/parent to play in your life.

You have choices and so does he, he chooses to drink and bully. You can chose a different way, there are better ways. I wish you all the best.

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