My finance is addicted to crack?

My finance is addicted to crack, and its driving me nuts…

He swears he can do it all alone, but for 5 years…

I’ve been going through the same thing..

I am 29 years of age, and he’s soon to be 43…

Would it be smart to endure or just leave…

I mean, c’mon, how much DO I HAVE TO TAKE in order to show that I love & care for him…

Unfortunately, when drugs is involved.. nothing matters…. please help me.. I don’t know what
to do..

I need a LOW COST Program to put him into…

Do you have any suggestions?

Don’t be an enabler

by: Anonymous

When someone you love is suffering from addiction, your fiance for instance, we tend to think that loving them means making excuses for them.

When we do nothing but tolerate the addiction we are in fact enabling them to continue with that lifestyle. The only change that will happen is going to be a change for the worse.

The greatest act of love is to step in and get them help. They will surely be angry at first, but will thank you later.

Not taking action is the same as watching someone commit suicide and doing nothing to stop it.

My little brother came to live with me after he was evicted from his home while waiting for approval for disability benefits. There is nothing physically wrong with him, but he is a hypochondriac and complains all the time. He has a chip on his shoulder and thinks the world owes him a living.

He has threatened suicide and abuses his meds. I have recently had to take a stand and give him no choice but to enter rehab or I would no longer help him.

I told him that I would not help someone that would not help himself, I would no longer give him money, pay his bills or support him so he could lay back and stay pilled up.

I would no longer make it easy for him to not help himself.

Sometimes the only way for someone to look up is for them to fall flat of their back.

I love my brother enough to let him fall so that he will see.

Nowhere Man

by: Ned Wicker

I admire your loyalty and devotion to your fiancé, but you seem to be ignoring the huge red flag that has been hoisted on the pole and is waving in a brisk wind.

Your fiancé is engaged to crack, not to you. He can do it alone? Has he? His relationship with the drug is much stronger than his relationship to you, and so for you to have any kind of a future together, he has to get treatment.

He cannot do it alone, and neither can you. Therefore, you must get some professional help. I would suggest calling local treatment centers, or your doctor, or Al-Anon to get a starting point. You need a plan.

Obviously his using is in the way, and left unchecked, there will soon be no room for you at all. I know the ?stand by your man? approach may sound like a noble gesture, but you are just allowing him to continue in his ways, doing what he wants to do, regardless of the destructive force it has on your relationship.

The addiction will not allow anything else. Think of it this way, if a thug came over to your house every day and beat up a member of your family, would not you as a family do something to stop that from happening?

So it is with drug addiction. You need to get a plan together to help your fiancé get into treatment and off the drug that is killing your relationship. The thug has to be dealt with.

I know this sounds cold, but you need to protect yourself. As long as he is on the crack, there is no room for you. You need to set boundaries. In your case ?stand by your man? means making him stand for himself.

What does he want in life?

Is it to be married to you, maybe have kids and a good life together, or does he think he can keep using the drug and have everything he wants, regardless of what it does to you?

The old Beatles tune, ?Nowhere Man,? comes to mind and the sadness of it speaks to the futility of trying to live with unchecked drug addiction. You are the person being left out, but you can probably be the person who effects the most positive change in your fiancé?s life.

Get some help and talk to a professional.

Nowhere Man (Lennon and McCartney)

He’s a real nowhere man, Sitting in his Nowhere Land, Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.

Doesn’t have a point of view, Knows not where he’s going to, Isn’t he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere Man please listen, You don’t know what you’re missing, Nowhere Man, the world is at your command!

He’s as blind as he can be, Just sees what he wants to see, Nowhere Man can you see me at all?

Nowhere Man, don’t worry, Take your time, don’t hurry, Leave it all till somebody else lends you a hand!

Doesn’t have a point of view,

Knows not where he’s going to, Isn’t he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere Man please listen,

you don’t know what you’re missing Nowhere Man, the world is at your command!

He’s a real Nowhere Man, Sitting in his Nowhere Land, Making all his nowhere plans for nobody.

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