by: Ned Wicker

Dear Eddie,

If you suspect your son is using drugs, or even if you know that for sure, do not panic. If you try to confront him and tell him not to do drugs, he will likely rebel immediately and turn you off. If he is a teenager you can count on that happening.

If he is an adult, he will probably tell you that he has no problem at all and that you are the one with a problem. In either case, you aren’t going to be effective by picking a fight. You are in a battleground and you need to approach this situation like a military commander. You need to map out a strategy.

If your son is living with you there needs to be an understanding. It is your house, not his. If your son is not an adult, you have a great deal of leverage if you play your cards correctly. There are still a few rights that parents can use.

If your son is a grown-up and living outside of your home, it’s more difficult because you don’t really have any rights at all. However, the big card that you have in your hand is your father-son relationship.

That can be a very powerful element in an addicted person realizing that his behavior is improper and he is making bad choices that will cost him everything in life. Addiction robs us of our humanity, as only feeding the addiction is important to the addict.

Your relationship and his relationship with other members of the family, are so vitally important to pull him back into reality.

Make some calls. To a treatment center to begin a plan, to Al-anon to get support for yourself and other members of your family, and call the family and get everybody on the same page. You all have a part to play in getting help for your son. Lastly, my friend Joe Herzanek has a great web site and book.

Go to http://changinglivesfoundation.org . His book “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” is a great resource.