Worth the fight!!!

by Rod

(Georgia,USA)

I am a 45 yr old man and I got addicted to narcotics at the age of 22. Now I hear from some recovering addicts that now that they are clean and have been clean for a year or longer that they are no longer an addict well in my opinion once an addict always an addict.

My addiction started off simply enough when while at work I asked my then wife if she could bring me something for a headache and she decided to crush up some hydrocodone and put them in 2 goody wrappers. She served them to me and I can remember after about 15 mins thinking WOW this stuff is amazing I was totally clueless of what hydrocodone was and what it did.

My wife was in an accident a few months prior and the Dr.s prescribed her some hydrocodone and she thought she was doing me a favor by tricking me into thinking I was taking a Goody powder. It got where I was only taking 2 hydrocodone 5mg at night cause it made me feel good and sleep better and would never take them during the day.

Well that lasted about a year and then I had to have them during the day everyday!! I was up to 20 10mg hydrocodone a day and some days more. I have been in and out of rehab 3 times and each time started back within a month.

I eventually lost everything divorced my wife and got remarried. But the pills took that marriage over and got a divorce and lost everything again all I had was some clothes and my truck. Checked into rehab for the 3rd time and a few days after checking out started back again, so after a few months decided to move far away from all the people I knew. I took the advice of some counselors to change playgrounds.

I left with 1 hydrocodone and took it on my trip. I got clean and found a good job and met a wonderful women I started a new life and was CLEAN!!! Got married and we decided to buy a home I was rocking things were great.

After 3yrs clean I had done worked my way up to GM of a company, built me a lil shop out back of my new home and things going great when the monkey jumped on my back and I couldn’t shake it and started back using.

I thought I could control it since I’ve been clean for 3yrs but boy was I wrong!!! I started doing things that was insane. Stopped spending time with the family in all areas then turned to taking from my work to support my habit.

I knew I was going to get caught but that didn’t stop me I got worse. Dec. 2011 It finally caught up with me and I got fired and now charges are brought up against me for theft. I have been clean since the wake up but now can’t find work because of a felony charge on my record.

I still have my wife but it hasn’t been easy. I’ve just about pawned all my stuff from when I got hooked again and now loosing my home. I have turned to God for help and He has helped me so much. I still have trouble sleeping and I think about pill seems like everyday.

Every morning when I get out of bed I say out loud I will not use today. It really is one day, one hour,one minute at a time and I can’t say that I will never use again but I can say that I won’t use today.

I still have a long way to go with my recovery and along way to go with making things right with my wife and family but it is worth the fight. I pray everyday sometimes 4 or more times because I do believe in God and He will see me through. I know I can’t do it by myself or my way cause as you can see my way don’t work.

I haven’t attended a NA meeting but I am planning on it and I do believe attending a meeting a week will help during recovery. Addiction is something that you will take to the grave but it don’t have to be an active addiction, IT CAN BE BEAT!!!!

and Finally Remember:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
– Matthew 7:7-8

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