Worth the fight!!!
I am a 45 yr old man and I got addicted to narcotics at the age of 22. Now I hear from some recovering addicts that now that they are clean and have been clean for a year or longer that they are no longer an addict well in my opinion once an addict always an addict.
My addiction started off simply enough when while at work I asked my then wife if she could bring me something for a headache and she decided to crush up some hydrocodone and put them in 2 goody wrappers. She served them to me and I can remember after about 15 mins thinking WOW this stuff is amazing I was totally clueless of what hydrocodone was and what it did.
My wife was in an accident a few months prior and the Dr.s prescribed her some hydrocodone and she thought she was doing me a favor by tricking me into thinking I was taking a Goody powder. It got where I was only taking 2 hydrocodone 5mg at night cause it made me feel good and sleep better and would never take them during the day.
Well that lasted about a year and then I had to have them during the day everyday!! I was up to 20 10mg hydrocodone a day and some days more. I have been in and out of rehab 3 times and each time started back within a month.
I eventually lost everything divorced my wife and got remarried. But the pills took that marriage over and got a divorce and lost everything again all I had was some clothes and my truck. Checked into rehab for the 3rd time and a few days after checking out started back again, so after a few months decided to move far away from all the people I knew. I took the advice of some counselors to change playgrounds.
I left with 1 hydrocodone and took it on my trip. I got clean and found a good job and met a wonderful women I started a new life and was CLEAN!!! Got married and we decided to buy a home I was rocking things were great.
After 3yrs clean I had done worked my way up to GM of a company, built me a lil shop out back of my new home and things going great when the monkey jumped on my back and I couldn’t shake it and started back using.
I thought I could control it since I’ve been clean for 3yrs but boy was I wrong!!! I started doing things that was insane. Stopped spending time with the family in all areas then turned to taking from my work to support my habit.
I knew I was going to get caught but that didn’t stop me I got worse. Dec. 2011 It finally caught up with me and I got fired and now charges are brought up against me for theft. I have been clean since the wake up but now can’t find work because of a felony charge on my record.
I still have my wife but it hasn’t been easy. I’ve just about pawned all my stuff from when I got hooked again and now loosing my home. I have turned to God for help and He has helped me so much. I still have trouble sleeping and I think about pill seems like everyday.
Every morning when I get out of bed I say out loud I will not use today. It really is one day, one hour,one minute at a time and I can’t say that I will never use again but I can say that I won’t use today.
I still have a long way to go with my recovery and along way to go with making things right with my wife and family but it is worth the fight. I pray everyday sometimes 4 or more times because I do believe in God and He will see me through. I know I can’t do it by myself or my way cause as you can see my way don’t work.
I haven’t attended a NA meeting but I am planning on it and I do believe attending a meeting a week will help during recovery. Addiction is something that you will take to the grave but it don’t have to be an active addiction, IT CAN BE BEAT!!!!