18 yr old-let return home?
Adderall addiction-(and a lot use of Alcohol and MJ)went through 45 days rehab 6 months ago and 2 weeks which she signed herself out of because she was 18 and all about being 18.
I told her she could not return home is she did not complete rehab. She signed herself out and was going to hitch hike home. My ex-husband who has been totally not involved in her life picked her up.
She has lived w/ him for 2 weeks. I think she is safer w/ him as he lives in middle of no where and she can not be by her user friends very easily and has a suspended driver’s license.
My struggle is whether to let her return home as she wants to. What is love or loving behavior. She says she is very hurt that I won’t let her come home and her brother lives here.
She does not want to be w/ me. No 18 yr old wants to be w/ her Mom. She wants a social life. Which I feel bad for her not having. Her dad is also a very poor example of anything to her but she is an adult and will have to figure that out on her own.
I like seeing her and feel mean not letting her come home. I don’t want her to never talk to me again. I continue to talk to her and am willing to drive her some places- last drive she refused to talk to me as I wouldn’t let her come home.
She can be very rude to me and is frequently angry at me. Is it wrong of me to not let her come home and do whatever she wants as that is what she has done in the pastas she is 18 yrs old.
Is it more loving to try to control her and let her be safe at her Dad’s or bring her home so she can be w/ her user friends?
Explain logic.
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You Must Have Rules
If she were to come home it would have to be under your rules, with no exceptions. Treatment is one of the prerequisites. Just because she’s 18 and CAN sign herself out doesn’t mean that is a good decision and in her best interest. Her disease is in control. Also she needs to be working or in school. She must respect the rules of your house. It doesn’t surprise me that she goes to her father, because he probably is very distant, has no demands on her and may not understand and/or care that she has a disease. You should call the treatment center where she was and ask their advice of next steps. They may be able help you get her back into treatment if you work together. Ask them about letting her come back home, do they think she is likely to use? Also, be sure to give Al-Anon a call and let them help you. They have moms just like you who have been through this and they understand your frustrations and all of the family dynamics. Your daughter can come home, but under your terms, not hers. |
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