Brother-in-law Vs. Sister-in-law

by Erica

(Cape Coral, FL, US)

So My husbands brother and sister-in-law are both addicts. Supposedly they are in a treatment program and going to church and doing really well.

I haven’t seen this for myself neither has my mother-in-law (which is where I got my information from). I haven’t seen either of them since February of this year because when they moved out of my house they got evicted from the place they were staying and didn’t tell anyone just vanished leaving all their animals behind for me to deal with.

I have been thinking about my sister-in-law a lot lately. We used to be really great friends and I think about when she wasn’t doing drugs how great of a person she was. I’m not ready to talk to my brother-in-law yet and my husband flat out refuses to hear either of their names.

I’m not sure if its the pregnancy that’s confusing my feelings but I miss the friend that I had. And if she really is in a program then would be OK to start talking to her again? And can I talk to her with out talking to my brother-in-law for now? Or should I wait and see if she tries to reach out to me first?

Timing is Everything

by: Ned Wicker

Dear Erica,

Your sister in-law probably has no idea the friend she has in you. If she is still using, she would prefer to live in the shadows and not be seen by anyone she knows, especially someone like you, who represents the kind of life she used to live.

If she is in treatment, hopefully she is doing well, but she may be experiencing shame and feels like you would judge her, or in some other way not be accepting of her.

Once you find out where she is living, you maybe can send a note and tell her how much you love the friend you used to have. Be sure to tell her the animals are fine. I wouldn’t force anything on her, just wait for the right time and be a friend. The folks at Al-Anon are great for helping people just like you. Give them a call.

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