Confused and trying to help?

by Mel

My former boyfriend who is 61 years old and was in a 2 year recovery from crack/cocaine addiction, but recently relapsed when he received a large sum of money, and was going through some difficult times.

His roommate informed me that he admitted to her that he used crack/cocaine 3 times; and that he was missing for about 4 days and when he came home it is at 5 or 6 am.

A few days later when I confronted him about it, I brought along his drug counselor who is also a member of his church. I asked her to come to along because I thought she could help him.

Last summer, I attended the two sobriety meetings with him at the church to give my boyfriend moral support, and to understand his struggle to stay sober. My former boyfriend said I ruined his reputation because I didn’t come to him first and talk to him privately about the matter; but I was trying to do an intervention since his roommate had told me so much information.

Since I already knew of his past drug history, I didn’t want to waste any time. Another friend of mine said that I betrayed him. That was not my intention, but only to help my former boyfriend. What do you think?

Over Reaction

by: Ned Wicker

Dear Mel,
I do not believe the reputation of your friend was ruined, and as for betrayal, drug addiction is serious business, so if betrayal means caring about their health and well being, then it’s betrayal.

The counselor was familiar with his case, so she understands confidentiality and the urgency of stepping in when someone is in jeopardy of slipping back into addiction. Some might say that you should have gone one-on-one first, but in this case, given the history and the people involved, I really don’t think you did anything wrong.

We often react poorly to the efforts of a person who is trying to do something positive. There might have been some prideful feelings going on, or something else other than the concern for reputation. Addiction likes to hide in the shadows, so if somebody shines the light on it, the reaction is negative.

Hopefully, he’ll get back into treatment.

Methamphetamine addicted girlfriend

by: Anonymous

No matter what I’ve tried to do she won’t stop using …. Neglects her kids . Sneaks out of the house when kids r sleeping … Having sex with multiple partners …more than 1 guy at a time ….. Sellin body for addiction …

The last 2 nites i was with her she couldn’t sleep an body was twitching all nite long ….. pupils are always dilated … Moody , verbally abusive 2 children ….

She’s a nurse scared 4 her patients also …… Her mom an friends are covering for her ….. She’s also a cocaine user and a chronic pothead !!!

Bills are never paid …. Goes to clubs sings an gets bidded on !!!!what do i do ? ;(

Be Objective

by: Ned Wicker

Your friend is in serious trouble and on a road destined for heartbreak and professional ruin. She needs treatment and you and her family can only try to facilitate that by helping her see her need and getting professional counsel on how just to do that.

Al-Anon is a great organization for helping friends and family cope with the self-destructive habits of those they care for, but understand that you can only do so much. It’s necessary to try to remain as objective as possible and not get on the emotional roller coaster.

Her job is in serious jeopardy. From what you describe, I can’t imagine her job performance is any good, and surely somebody has noticed. Meth addicts just don’t perform well long term and I am sure there are signs. She’s slowly killing herself and abusing her children, so maybe somebody has to blow the whistle.

I know that sounds terrible and people are often reluctant to be the one who steps up and says something, but she’s a train wreck. If I were a patient, I certainly don’t want a meth and cocaine addict caring for me, especially when she can’t even love her children.

If she gets treatment, she can maybe hold on to her career as a nurse. As it is now, she’s throwing it away. The temptation for raiding the medicine room is overwhelming for someone in need of a fix. Without treatment, she has no future at all. So, I think this is a situation that requires a family and close friends meeting to determine a plan of action.

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