by: Ned Wicker

Dear Monica,

Your feelings are understandable. Your husband needs to be in treatment because he has a brain disease, which causes him to make poor choices, compromises his health and as you are painfully aware, destroys personal relationships. The diseased mind does not function properly and the resulting behavior is unfortunate.

Your parents are justifiably angry over being robbed, but perhaps they can pause a while and see if the treatment and subsequent recovery program takes. That’s an incentive for him. If he stays on the straight and narrow and does not use, and if he agrees to pay back the money in full, they will not press charges. How he will pay back the money is his issue and yours, but I see it as an opportunity for him to work towards rebuilding trust.

You are in a tough spot and you’ve obviously been through a lot. I would recommend a call to Al-anon and give yourself an opportunity to meet their members, talk to them about your situation to gain insight and guidance. Al-anon is all about people just like you, so while your husband undergoes treatment, they support you. If there is any future for your marriage, you will need to understand what his disease is and how to help him overcome the dreadful lifestyle he is living.

Two things are interesting here. Your husband came clean about the money and he chose to go into treatment. That tells me he is owning up to his responsibilities. This is a good first step. However, he needs to complete the program. He needs to be in recovery, which means going to meetings or some other means of establishing accountability and responsibility.

If you are interested in saving your marriage lay down the law. If he is interested in saving your marriage and being a good father, he will be clean and sober, pay the money back and demonstrate a complete turn-around in his life.

by: monica

thank you – Yes it’s so tough – we currently live with my parents and Chris is on probation. He’s not allowed to come back after rehab – our problem was his communication too and he couldn’t hold a job. His family really doesn’t want anything to do with him -I’m like his only support – i just want my son to have a decent life too.