Comments for Drinking in front of me

by: Ned Wicker

Your husband has a very important question to ask himself. “What is more important, wanting to drink, or my wife’s health and my health” I think the answer might surprise you.

If one partner smokes and the other is trying to quit, that likewise very difficult. This might sound cruel, but if you have a drinking problem, it’s your problem, regardless of what your husband does. But I am empathetic.

For starters, you may want to have a conversation with your doctor and tell him/her what is going on. In the 12 Steps, the very first one starts, “We admitted” and that means a very personal declaration. “We’re alcoholics” and it’s our problem. The second step starts “We came to believe” and that implies process.

I admit my problem and I also have come to believe that I can not solve this on my own, that my “higher power” has to intervene and walk with me. And the third step starts, “We made a decision” which is a free will option.

I have decided to turn my will and life over to the care of God, as I understand Him and that is my determination.

The first three steps are important foundational launching points for the rest of the program and vital to the process.

Your situation is tough because when both people are drinkers, it’s hard to be supportive. You are going to have to take care of yourself first, and then maybe help your husband, but don’t expect him to help.

He might be in complete denial if he isn’t sensitive to your situation. If you have adult children, they may be your support network. In either case, I would check out Alcoholics Anonymous and a local “Friends of Bill W” meeting.

These are people just like you.

You will be greeted with warmth, understanding, and you will soon realize that these are people you can confide in and look to for support. AA will have all kinds of ideas for you.

Your situation is not uncommon and there are strategies and answers waiting for you.

You might also consider seeing your doctor for advice and a medical exam. Before you go into any treatment program, be sure there are no other issues.

Your doctor is also a good one to ask about treatment options.

One other thing, because you are both drinking, and I understand you are trying to stop, there is no sense in arguing about it.

If he wants to drink and doesn’t care that his drinking has a negative impact on you, remember that his drinking is his problem and your drinking is your problem.

Again, I defer to the experts, AA.

God bless you. You are asking a good question and that, in itself, is very hopeful. You can do this.