Driving while impaired by drugs
by Lynette
(Beach Lake, PA)
9/19/10
My 27 year old son has been using alcohol and drugs (most opiates and recently cocaine) since he was 14 years old. He was in jail from June, 2008 to Nov., 2009 for selling drugs. He got out and he was in recovery from Nov. 2009 until June, 2010, when he had a relapse. Then he seemed to return to recovery but was arrested on 9/6/10 for driving while impaired by drugs.
This is causing me great emotional pain. I see a Psychologist and I talk to my minister. I also attend Al Anon meetings. I believe that I now must FINALLY practice “tough love” and not do anything to help my son.
My husband agrees with me for the most part but did go visit him in jail and took some clothes and reading materials. However, we are not going to bail him out or get him a lawyer. I will not visit him, talk to him on the phone, or write to him – all of which I did in the past when he was in jail.
I had told him the last time that he got out of jail that I would give him one more chance and if it happened again that I would do the above.
I really don’t know what to do with myself. I am totally shocked, grieving, in pain and suffering. Please help me in any way that you can.
Thank you. – Lynette
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Stay the Course
You have probably been told that it is his problem and not yours, which is true, but it doesn?t make it any easier. You have to set your boundaries. You and your husband are doing what ultimately is in his best interest, because he needs to learn that he is responsible for his behavior and also learn that his bad decisions have consequences. Stay the course and don’t enable his bad behavior. His decisions have caused the turmoil, the emotional pain, and his own selfishness has put him behind bars. Hopefully, he will receive treatment and come through the addiction tunnel a new man, ready to face life and be a productive and happy person. If he wants to be your son, he needs to do what is right. It is good that you go to Al-Anon meetings to share your story and receive the support you need. Joe Herzanek is a corrections chaplain and heads the Changing Lives Foundation (http://changinglivesfoundation.org). His book, ?Why Don?t They Just Quit?? is an excellent resource. Good Luck and may God Bless you and your family. |