I found out my fiance was addicted to Oxycontin and had been lying about it for the past 2 1/2 years.
We are supposed to get married in a year. He has completed a rehab program and is returning home this week with an after care program that includes a therapist, sponsor, A.A./N.A. meetings and is looking to go to a sober living facility.
I am dreading seeing him. I feel numb and alternate between feelings of anger and sorrow. It's like I'm grieving the future I have been working so hard towards.
I don't know what to think. Some family and friends have advised me to leave him and others have told me to wait and see if he gets better. I'm seeing a counselor and have gotten support at my church as well.
Part of me wants to leave because I'm so devastated by this and have so little hope for a positive outcome. Everything I read online indicates that most addicts relapse and some do even five or ten years into recovery.
I also don't want to get my hopes up at all because I don't think I can bear getting disappointed with this. I also think because I'm choosing not to have hopeful expectations, I may be too negative about the whole thing.
I love this man with my whole heart but I am not sure yet if I can bear a future where relapse is a possibility.
How can I make the decision to have children with someone who could be so selfish? How long does he have to remain sober before I can trust he's made the right changes? I am so conflicted about this...
Any insight you can offer would be truly helpful and appreciated.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8