Since I could remember I never felt that I never fit it. I had low self esteem and there was never peace in my life.
I was raised middle class with morals, respect, and was Catholic. I attended church. When I was 14 I found a group of people that I finally felt I fit it with as long as I smoked cigarettes and rebelled against the law and school policy.
The drugs started off light just marijuana and some drinks here and there. I'm not going to lie, it was fun I thought this was the life - skipping school and getting high was a happiness I thought I found.
By the time I was 16 I didn't even want to bother with school anymore I just wanted to party and get high still on light drugs, but am now using Xanax once in a while. So at the age of 17 I dropped out of school and this is where my disease begin to show itself as a negative asset in my life.
I became antisocial and the only way I could socialize was if I had drugs, I got into powder cocaine and thought this was my cure to being antisocial. I raved and had some of the best times of my life.
Then I discovered crack by the age of 18 years old, and at first it was fun, I could still keep a job and get high. By the age of 19 I was completely addicted to crack cocaine and Xanax.
I started selling my body for as little as ten dollars just to get that next hit. I started stealing from my mother and have sold everything of value for crack cocaine. I got arrested but the case was dropped.
Can you believe I still didn't think I had a problem?
I'm going to shorten this story up I went from crack cocaine and Xanax to pretty much anything. Anything that could get me high I was down. By the age of 21 I was down with the straw, the pipe and the needle. You have hep c? That's cool man I'm still down to share the needle.
Now I'm 21, and it got to a point in my life where drugs no longer become fun. It was so painful to use and I didn't know any other way of life. I was shooting bath salts and popping pills like they were candy.
There was almost nothing I would do to get my next fix, I would sell my body for as little as 5 bucks. I stole, lied, cheated, sold myself, and had nothing. The last time I used I snorted bath salts and took 20+ Xanax pills. I ended up beaten up bleeding left next to a dumpster to die. Completely robed of everything even my shoes.
Please if your reading this find recovery because this drug life you'll always lose and it gets worse. By the Grace of God I am Alive and I am a living miracle. You'll either chose to follow satan or God it's that simple. I've spent time in county jail, I suffered and in the end I have nothing to show for it, drugs no longer were fun. I am done.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8