I’ll start out by telling everyone a little bit about myself. I am 25 years old, I come from a good family, my father is an engineer and mother a principle. I have never wanted for anything in my entire life.
I started experimenting with drugs and alcohol around age 13. I remember the first time I smoked, I was at a golf tournament watching my brother. I loved it… I smoked ever chance I could get. I always enjoyed drinking but would only do it on the weekends, before long I noticed I was hiding my drinking from my friends because I was drinking a lot more and more often then them.
My cousin is an alcoholic and I knew how this disease will kill you and ruin your life but I loved the feeling I would get. At age 16 coming home from golf practice my friend offered me some dilaudid that his dad didn’t take. I thought to myself well yeah I’ll take them. I took those pills and I absolutely feel in love with the feeling.
I remember the next day I called him and said I want some more. He stopped over with a freezer bag full of dilaudid 5mgs, 20mgs oxycontin, and 40 oxycontin. When he showed me that bag I knew I was in trouble. I didn’t tell anyone that I was taking pills because I was the good kid in the community, successful parents, good grades, and a girl friend that was a straight A student and most of all I didn’t want anyone else buying the pills from him.
I emptied my bank account around 8,000 dollars and two years later I was a full blown pill addict. I hid it very well, no one knew I was this bad off because I had money to support my habit and I could always get money from my parents that had no idea. By the time I entered college I could no longer function without drinking or pills. I ended up dropping out of college.
When I got back home they started changing the way they made my favorite pills oxycontin, It was like someone took my favorite thing in the world away from me. I didn’t know what to do I couldn’t just eat the pills they didn’t work that way for me. A friend of mine introduced me to fentanyl patches and showed me how to inject those and everything was better than before.
The girl I dated since my freshman year in high school (4 1/2yrs) found out how bad I was and she left me. I loved this girl, it really hurt me when she left, but I deserved it. I found heroin shortly after she left me.
Heroin was the only thing that really replaced her. I was already using everyday but heroin is a different demon. I needed heroin to survive not just emotionally but physically. Heroin caused me to steal and lie. After awhile I didn’t even know who I was.
I told my parents that I had a problem during a moment of clarity. I was off too rehab for the first time but I didn’t really want to put forth the effort it takes to stay clean. I used the day I got out of rehab. I was back to using everyday but acting like I was clean. I was using harder than ever before.
I ended up overdosing and the only way I am still alive is because the ambulance had narcan. After that my parents knew I was using again and how bad I really was when the test results came back. I never got to leave the hospital I spent several days in the hospital detox.
After 7 days in the detox I was prescribed 4 8mgs suboxone a day to help me function. The medication worked for a little while it got me back to feeling normal, at least what I thought normal was.
Then the demon came back into my head telling me I could use one more time. So of course I did and I was back to the races. This went on for a few more months of using and I just said I can’t do this anymore stealing, lying. sick all the time. The drugs didn’t even make me feel better anymore.
It was like I couldn’t take enough drugs. So back off to rehab again which I took more seriously this time, I didn’t want to die. I put myself in one of those hard rehabs where you scrub the toilets and clean because I have been cuddled my whole life and I got whatever I wanted. I needed something hard.
I spent my time there with no medication and got out feeling great. I stayed clean for awhile but used again. I felt sick to my stomach that I used again, I was so mad at myself. I ended up getting the vivitrol shot because I never wanted drugs again.
I can finally say today that I am clean and living life the way it was meant to be lived. It was the hardest thing I have ever done but also the most rewarding thing. I attend meetings and counseling.
If I can get better so can you don’t ever give up on yourself if you relapse don’t give up. It is worth it and I pray everyday that I don’t not pick up drugs.
Life does get better!!