This is very difficult for me to write and share but if it helps just one young person out there who is considering taking meth not too, then it is worth the tears I shed writing this article.
Never in my worst nightmares would I ever have imagined the heartbreaking destruction and horror the eight months my daughter Keren and my family endured from June 2005 to March 2006, when the
mind and life of my beautiful, strong willed talented, and kind daughter, was destroyed by methamphetamine.
Keren lived life to the fullest and shared her life with me her mom, her dad, Steven, two brothers, James and Eric, and numerous family and friends.
Everyone, who came in contact with my special young daughter, remembers her as strong, kind, loving, headstrong caring, and fun to be around.
Keren was working and attending the University of Houston, majoring in psychology. She always received straight A’s in all of her subjects. She won awards for her artwork and was a talented singer. Keren’s future plans included joining the Peace Corps, traveling and living abroad.
My caring beautiful daughter loved being alive and enjoyed life with her family friends and cats. All of this changed, when she became involved with Meth.
Keren was very health conscious, and when she gained more weight than usual, she started attending a gymnasium to work out and lose the extra 10 pounds.
Her personal trainer, who later became her boyfriend, introduced her to Meth.
Although my daughter was against any type of drugs, her personal trainer/boyfriend persuaded her that Meth would accelerate her weight loss and
give her energy for college.
But still I have to remember Keren was 22 at the time and it was her decision to take the meth she could have said no.
In no time, Keren was hooked. She broke up with her boyfriend, but at this stage, it was already too late for her. Meth had started to destroy her mind.
I once read where a Dr said every time you sniff meth it is like taking a spoon and scoping out some of your brain matter.
In October 2005, Keren was hospitalized for a week at which time the doctors informed me and her dad that Keren’s mind was probably already permanently
damaged by the drug.
Keren began hallucinating and imagined that demons were after her to kill her.
At one point, she thought that she was the Virgin Mary and had to sacrifice herself to save the world.
My family and I lived in constant fear for Keren. My daughter was also terrified of what was happening to her. She was frightened of everything and was running from one place to another. At that time she moved to Austin for three months. I presume she thought by moving she would return to her normal state of mind.
She was in such a state of paranoia and couldn’t make it through this horror alone.Keren’s close friends tried to help Keren but were powerless
to do so. I will always love her close girlfriends for trying to get through to Keren.
My daughter and I were always very close. On Friday night, March 17, 2006, we were in the kitchen, when Keren suddenly asked me, “Mom, will you love me forever?”
For the first time since this nightmare began I was afraid my daughter would try to hurt herself. “You wouldn’t do anything to yourself Keren right? You know it would kill all of us, including your eighty year old grandmother.” I said to her.
Keren answered me calmly, “Don’t worry, Mom. I won’t die.”Even though at this point the drugs were altering her mind beyond repair. I still never really thought she would commit suicide.
I guess I was in Denial
I now feel when Keren said she wouldn’t die she really meant that her soul would live on, after her physical body was gone.
The night of March 17 2006 Keren came into my bedroom and sat with me on my bed. She put her hand in mine and told me she loved me. I thought to myself maybe she is getting better, just maybe she will be herself again. I went to bed that night hoping with all my heart.
The next day Saturday March 18 I went to work for my 12-hour shift at 7 a.m. My Husband Steven came home from Night work at 8 am and went right to bed.
Shortly after 5 p.m., while I was still at
work my husband called me sobbing uncontrollably. I knew right away Keren had died and told him I will be right home. Dazed and in severe shock, I drove home.
As the news of Keren’s death spread through my circle of family and friends, my cell phone rang continuously. It was then that I realized I couldn’t understand what anyone was saying to me. I actually could not understand the English language. Everyone’s words sounded garbled and
unintelligible. Later I was told this was because I was in such severe shock.
I remember praying the entire way home, begging God to not let it be true. Although in my heart I knew it was so.
My last image of my beautiful daughter at home was the coroner putting my daughter already in a body bag in the hearse. With that reality, it finally hit me and I remember just falling on my knees and screaming and screaming.
Methamphetamine has long term effects, such as functional and molecular changes in the brain. It causes anxiety, confusion, insomnia, mood disturbances, and violent behavior.
Meth addicts also display a number of psychotic features, including paranoia, visual and auditory hallucinations, and delusions. Meth dealers cut the drug with various dangerous household chemicals like Drano and brick cleaner these chemicals also alter the brain.
After Keren’s death, I found her journal with this line written in very shaky handwriting:
“God if you are so powerful, why do you want me to do this? Why do I have to sacrifice myself to prove my love to you and save the world?”
It was dated March 18 2006 the day she died; this is the extent to which Meth destroyed a talented, rational young woman with a wonderful future. It turned her from a healthy young woman into a delusional and paranoid psychotic. A promising future came to a tragic end with suicide.
Everyone in Keren’s life was completely devastated by her death. No one knew the person Keren became as a result of taking Meth. Her loss is felt by
everyone who ever met her and shared her life. I will miss my daughter every minute of my life as her dad, brothers, family and friends will and I will always wonder how her life would have turned out had she not been introduced to meth.
Although my daughter’s cause of death is listed as suicide, Meth killed Keren as surely as a murderer with a gun in his hand.