How can i support my husbands recovery with a three small children?

by Marley

(CA)

My husband is recovering from alcohol and meth. He is currently taking Ativan, Zoloft and attending therapy. He starts meeting two days a week for four hours each with a class that helps emotionally dependent addicts. He’s also been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

I harbor a tremendous amount of resentment toward him. He decided to share with me the strength of his addiction about ten days before our son arrived. I find his choice brave and am proud of him for quitting so abruptly. He’s doing it for his health and for our family which is why I’m overwhelmingly conflicted.

The week following our sons birth, I spent a night with my sibling and their family, two nights in a hotel and three nights with my sister. I’ve been striving to help my older boys, 4 and 9, deal with the behavior of their dad. Behavior I don’t tolerate from my children. Now, I feel as though I have to lie to them, bribe them, and be super happy mom so their dads behavior is less noticeable. But I’m failing.

Tonight, my nine year old asked if we can stay with my sister for a while longer but won’t tell me exactly why. My husband sleeps all day and does nothing to participate in the daily family routines.

I gather from what I’ve read that I’m selfish in my expectations of him. Not having him take me to the hospital, or participating in the pregnancy (ie drs appts, amnio, ultrasounds, etc), not being in the delivery room, not wanting us home after because he had a cold, not visiting, not even WANTING to be at any of those and trying to act like none of that matters is hard enough to get over. How do I help and support him with a two week old and two other kids who aren’t blind to the fact that there’s something more going on then just daddy being sick?

and Finally Remember:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
– Matthew 7:7-8

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