My life without a childhood

by Dana
(Surrey, UK)

My life,

I grew up seeing a lot of things no child should ever see.. I was in and out of foster care since I was young and I have lost a lot of friends to suicide... I've seen people close to me get killed and I started feeling hurt and confused why I was brought into my family and then to be left alone.  Robbed from my childhood... no child should ever go through what I did. 

All I did was beg for my family's approval and to be loved from them.  Mostly i wanted my dad to love me... but no response or they have a weird way of showing it.  But I don't blame that. 

People only repeat what their taught.. so I started doing every drug except heroin.  I was in and out of jail.  I always think about what my uncle used to say to me.  He said I deserve better and family is what you make it. 

My family used to try and push me to quit.  But the more I didn't... so they finally stopped asking me and when my uncle was murdered I felt empty and didn't want to go on, but he wouldn't of wanted that. 

So I left town and cleaned up I had 3 beautiful children and went back to school... I thought I was in love by my kids dad but was obviously not.  He was in and out of jail and I thought to myself why am I putting myself through this?  I didn't change my life around to be with a jail bird. 

I was raising my children on my own.. I toughed it out for 8 years but couldn't take it anymore so I left him. It's a good thing cause I wouldn't of went back to school.  Every thing was going good and then my kids dad put a lock of my children and I'm not allowed to leave lower mainland.  He used my past against me.  I asked him for breaks but didn't get any... my son had behavioral issues.. I could handle him.  It's babysitter, school and daycare couldn't. 

I was getting frustrated so I asked the ministry if they could get him a support worker so I don't lose my job.  They said only if I sign them to care.  I wasn't going to do that.  My son started biting his sister.  The school saw the bite marks and called the ministry.  I then lost my children.. and worker called my work and got me fired.. on top of it. It was my uncle's 9 year anniversary. 

I then couldn't take it.  Felt all alone I worked hard to change my life for it to be taken from me.. I am a good mother and don't deserve this. 

So I started drinking and caught myself before it's too late.. I am busting my ass to get my children back.  The reason I am writing this out is to show everyone that has had a rough life that you can change.  Trust me.  I was clean for 9 years...  just move away from it and get positive friends... family doesn't have to  be blood.  You can do it.. I believe in you

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