Partner’s daughter in trouble with heroin, meth and alcohol?

by Vanessa

How can I best support my partner of 5 years who has a daughter who is legally in trouble for heroin, meth and alcohol use.

He is a great guy but is always giving her the benefit of the doubt and she lies to him constantly and is always asking for money. She does not care about herself/ appearance or other peoples things and emotions.

He is now about 20,000+ dollars in debt due to her attorney bills and rehab treatment.

She is 24 years old, but daddy comes to the rescue each and every time.

She was just arrested for receiving heroin through the mail.

He is heart broken and feels like a fool- he says he feels numb.

What can I do to support him? I can’t help financially. Her bail is $10,000. She violated her probation so he has lost the initial 1,000 bail.

I just don’t know what to do or say, do you have any words of advice.

I love him and feel just as heart broken. His daughter is a beautiful, extremely intelligent girl.

I don’t want to do or say the wrong things to push him away or to have him clam
up on me and not share.

I want to help.

Thank you for your time.


The Limits of Parenting

by: Ned Wicker

Dear Vanessa,
Parents always want the best for their children, but children grow up and make bad choices in life, regardless of upbringing. She faces a serious legal battle, but her arrest and possible incarceration may just be what saves her. Dad has not drawn the line, so he enables her bad behavior.

Of course she lies to him, that’s the disease. He is in denial. He is not facing the facts. Bailing her out is just prolonging the problem. She has to deal with her problem, not him. Treatment, a healthy recovery lifestyle and perseverance are needed to turn a life around…not bail bondsmen.

Al-Anon has excellent resources for you and your partner. Joe Herzanek’s book “Why Don’t They Just Quit?” is a great guide for you ( and also features a video. Don’t deny the disease, understand the disease and learn how to do your part without emptying your pockets.

There is hope, but his daughter has to want to be helped and has to be willing to accept the help that is offered. Her legal entanglements just might be what helps her the most.

My lady heroin

by: andrew johns [poetical justice]

dear Vanessa,

I’d like you too read this poem that I have written about opiate and heroin abuse. I think it will give you a better understanding of how she can and will be feeling throughout the process of getting clean [but remember if she doesn’t want to do it for herself then there is nothing you can do until she is ready].

Here are some of the thoughts and emotions I went through while trying to overcome an addiction to class A drugs for over 10 years and I’m only 27.

I hope you find my poem insightful and it gives you a little bit more knowledge about how she will be feeling and how easy it is to go back. Please leave a reply to my poem and if you need anymore advice on addiction and how too beat it I’m sure i can help through experience….. the link to follow is….

Just type that into your browser and it will say it’s written by Andrew Johns from[Scarborough].

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