Son in jail, Dad lost!!

by Tony


Last summer I flew home to help my son because he did not have work or a place to live. A few weeks later, I discovered he was making meth in my house.

He refused any kind of help and I did not have the strength to contact the police. Well, a year later he has been arrested for manufacture of meth.

I refused to help him this time and he later accepted a deal that if he accepted treatment at a 1/2 way house he would be released. Within 2hrs. of his release he was caught shop lifting. He is now back in jail. Can you believe he wanted me to bond him out but I refused again. He has now denied me contact with his attorney.

Now, my question. I live in Mexico. Should I go back and visit him in jail. Could it help any or should I stay clear? I am struggling with trying not to rescue. I will not bail him out as I now know this is his chance.

His valued car, cat and computer are now gone. We have helped him out on 2 other situations and family member another one. It is so hard.


Comments for Son in jail, Dad lost!!

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Try to support but not enable
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Tony,

You're in such a difficult situation with your son that there are no easy answers. Whether your son knows it or not, you probably SAVED HIS LIFE by making him stay in jail where hopefully he isn't using drugs or alcohol. Hopefully, once he is clean from drugs he will realize it.

Right now all he may have for you is anger, which may take a very long time for him to work through. It's ALWAYS much easier to blame someone else than it is to look in the mirror.

You may want to start by writing a letter to your son outlining your concern for him and explaining why you have made the decisions you have made. Ask him to respond back to you with a letter or a phone call. If he doesn't respond you may wait a while to see him.

After he has sometime to think about the letter then you should go and visit him and encourage him to turn his life around.

You also may want to seek support for yourself through Al-anon or other addiction support groups so you can get advice from others who have been where you are right now.

Good Luck!


by: Anonymous


Your comments were thoughtful and very much appreciated. I just needed someone to tell me it is the right thing to do. Yes, it is hard.

I will write the letter and pray he reads it. I do love him and have always wanted the best for him.

Sincerely, Tony

Critique letter
by: Tony

Debbie, would it be possible for you to critique the letter I have composed to my son?

Send me a draft via email
by: Debbie Wicker

Yes Tony I can read your letter to your son and give you feedback to hopefully make it as constructive as possible for both of you. Please email it to me at:

I will read it and give you my thoughts.

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