Stay to help,or leave?

by Shelly
(Odessa, TX)

I'm cutting down to the chase. My bf and I have been together 4 years. We had 3 kids of our own(9 all together). I love him but stress, nag and complain to him about everything now.

He lies, does NOT cheat(which surprises me)but uses both marijuana and cocaine DAILY at the same sitting!(Cocaine speeds you up, marijuana slows you down) About a month ago, he ALSO started smoking cigarettes and drinking a six pack every night, while he's doing his drugs!

He does pay the bills, since I stay home. He does admit he has a problem, but doesn't do anything about it. It's interfering with our relationship in every way. Besides all that, he really can be a good guy. He's been hurt in the past,and has some self esteem issues, he's bipolar as well and gets depressed real easily. I've honestly brought him up a lot from what he was, with just supporting him.

In a nut shell that's it. What do I do?!

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No easy answers.
by: Debbie Wicker

Dear Shelly,

Addiction is a chronic and progressive disease of the brain that is often fatal. Your bf is killing his brain, one day at a time. If he continues, he is going to get worse and the drugs will totally control all of his actions.

Based on your description it sounds like he is self-medicating his bipolar depression. This is a common reason that we become addicted. He needs treatment not just for his addictions (cocaine, pot and alcohol), but he also needs mental health treatment at the same time to support his mental health while he learns to stop using, otherwise he will most certainly relapse.

It sounds like you are and want to be a good support system for him, but you don't want to watch him kill himself. I agree with you, you're trying to figure out how to help him but get him to stop his addiction so that you can have a good future together.

I would recommend that you do two things:

First, I would take him to a psychiatrist ASAP and tell the doctor EVERYTHING that's been happening. Allow the psychiatrist to prescribe meds for him and recommend treatment for his addictions. If he is willing listen to the doctor and do what he says, then the doctor should be able to get him on the correct meds to help him to deal with his issues without killing himself with the drugs.

Second, you should start attending Al-anon meetings right away. Al-anon meetings will give you the support and information you need to help your bf to end this terrible disease. The more you understand about what you and he are dealing with, the better you will be at helping him to gain his life back.

Here is a list of meetings in your area:

Basin AFG Basin Club, 3610 Golder Ave Odessa, TX 79764-6714 Monday 05:30 PM, E

Suburban AFG Suburban Club, 2433 E 11th St Odessa, TX 79761-4232 Wednesday 08:00 PM, E

Suburban AFG Suburban Club, 2433 E 11th St Odessa, TX 79761-4232 Saturday 10:30 AM, E

Suburban AFG Suburban Club, 2433 E 11th St Odessa, TX 79761-4232 Monday 08:00 PM, E

Suburban AFG Suburban Club, 2433 E 11th St Odessa, TX 79761-4232 Tuesday 12:00 PM, E

Valor Para Cambiar GFA 801 N. Lauderdale Odessa, TX 79763 Tuesday 06:00 PM, S

Valor Para Cambiar GFA 801 N. Lauderdale Odessa, TX 79763 Wednesday 06:00 PM, S

Choose a couple of these meeting and start going. These meetings are completely confidential and they know everything about addiction and will be a wonderful resource for you and your bf. Once you begin going a couple of times a week, invite your bf to go with you so that you can both learn what you need to do.

If you both start working the steps at the meeting, his chances of getting sober increase significantly!

Good luck,


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