It is finally over!

by Tony

(Los Angeles, CA)

It happened. It ended. I was addicted to speed and used everything else. But no more.

I was like a chef. I would cook up the feelings and the high I wanted each day by using alcohol, MDA, weed and whatever.

But under it all would be a layer of amphetamines. If I got too drunk, no problem. Just wait a few and the speed would bring me back around. If the weed made me too paranoid, no problem, the speed would pull me out of it in a little while.

I thought I had the world by the tail. Then one night I had a nasty bad trip on mescaline.

It all changed overnight. I couldn’t think, I was suspicious of everyone, even my best friends and girlfriends.

The only thing that “saved me” was speed. It would put me right again and mask all the effects of that bad trip.

Of course,the solution became the problem and I was dwindling away, unable to control the addiction and things were always worse when I crashed.

I almost died of an overdose in San Francisco on a Christmas Eve and when I got out of the hospital, my friends and family were waiting. They took me to a rehab center in St. Louis where I grew up and I quit using.

The weirdness from the bad trip still had to be dealt with, but the center helped me do that too.

Now I have been drug free for 34 years! It is great. I raised a family and they are all drug free too.

I speak in schools in Los Angeles about the dangers of drugs now and I have spoken to more than 300,000 young people over the years.


Don’t ever let them tell you that you will always be a drug addict. The truth is, you CAN beat it. It isn’t easy, it took me a long time to get back, BUT IT DID HAPPEN!

I feel great.

I don’t believe drug addiction is a disease.

I just have a comment about drug addiction.

I believe it is a choice to use drugs I don’t believe every drug addict has a disease.

When you start using drugs, I believe the drugs destroy your brain.

If you keep telling addicts they have a disease I feel they don’t take actions for what they did to them selves, and I also believe that once your are an addict you do need God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help you.

But in NA God is not allowed to be spoken. You should always be allowed to speak about God and Jesus anywhere you chose.

Cancer is a disease not drug addiction.

Sometimes we can’t help getting cancer or other diseases, but doing drugs you can walk away from.

Thank you very much.

Addict in recovery three years part 1

by Abbie

(North Carolina)

The first time I knew that I loved Hydrocodone was as a child. I had my tonsils removed and I took the syrup, it made me feel safe.

The next experience was in college on a blind date. My date gave me two pills and I fell in love. I found my true love.

I went to a well known pill giving doctor in town and I was set.

You see I come from a highly educated family, and I myself was an A student. The Lortab did not effect my social, or school life at first.

Eventually I began popping them daily around 5 a day. The prescription was not enough and I found a dealer.

This worked for awhile until he could not get the pills anymore. I came up with the idea to fake a tooth pain and then I was given more pills.

I pretended the pain did not go away until the point that I was given surgery for removal of the “ghost pain” tooth.

My mother decided that the surgery had been long enough ago that I no longer needed the pills. I freaked out and punched a hole in the wall.

It was then my parents recognized that I had a problem. I was sent to a doctor the same who prescribed the pills. He put me on a taper down method to prevent withdrawal.

It did not work, I found my parents hiding place and took all of the pills in a week, around 100.

So I was sent to in-patient rehab.

After a week, I thought I can do this. Then I left feeling great fresh eyes on life.

I had about 2 months of out patient.

Yes I relapsed.

And so I was sent to outpatient again. The relapse cycle lasted about a year, and reached its peak when I totaled my car when I was wasted and hit a tree.

I was sent to a halfway house. The house was okay for about a month until I was kicked out for gossiping.

I was so upset and had unprotected sex with a man I met at a meeting.

Then i found out I was pregnant.

I had an abortion.

All the while I had one class left to earn my undergrad degree.

The AA/NA meetings did not work for me and I found that they made me want to use (this is not the case for everyone, many find recovery in these meetings).

I wanted pills so badly that I made a deal with a man that I would sleep with him for pills.

This is not the worst I have done, I got involved with a married couple under the influence of numerous substances.

UK Counselling Directory

by Catriona

(United Kingdom)

All addicts, from any walk of life, in any situation, face one universal problem to take the first step on the road to recovery – accepting they are suffering from an addiction.
There is no doubt that this is the hardest part of the recovery process.

However, there are still many questions that need to be asked and answered in order to start healing. Counselling offers a non-judgmental, safe and relaxing environment to discuss problems and feelings out loud, with the help of a trained professional.

Underlying issues can be exposed and dealt with, and grief and all its associated feelings can be released.

The counsellor works with what their client tells them, dealing with the issues central to their addiction, and offering practical solutions to working through the most difficult days and coming out the other side. They can also help the person adjust to their life without the source of their addiction.

Dealing with addiction is one of the hardest experiences a person will have to go through. But there are people on hand to help, and though many people have reservations, counselling can be a hugely helping healing and cathartic process.

Counselling Directory ( provides an easy, worry-free way of connecting those that need help with those that provide it.

Simply type in a location and a list of counsellors in the area are displayed, showing the distance from the original location.

Each counsellor has their own profile, detailing at bit about themselves, their qualifications, and what areas they deal with.

Many counsellors also list their fees. There is then the option to contact the counsellor directly.

To find a counsellor in your area, (UK) as well as information about grief and other types of distress, go to:

15 year addiction to pills, and I think I finally may be tired of it.

by Katie


I’ve been looking for a place to blog, a place to tell my story. Somehow it seems like if you write it down, someone is going through it with you… as if you are not alone………

It all started back when I was a young mother of four small babies. I wanted to always prove I could handle it all, and I did, without drugs for a long time.

Slowly things in my life began to fall apart. I had post parteum (sp?) depression after two of the four of my babies. Drug use started quickly after.

I became a mom at 17, and I became married the same year. Up until that point, I had never even smoked pot.

Long story short, while trying to prove I was perfect…I ran across some imperfect people.

No, they didn’t make me take pills.

They offered, and I took them.

It was at that point, pills became the love of my life. It was still early in my drug use, I found it easy to quit during my last two pregnancy’s. I didn’t even smoke a cigarette, but soon I was faced with taking care of my small children alone.

While one father was off doing drugs, and my current husband was offshore working to support us. My mom had picked up a crack addiction at the time, so I had no help.

Soon, pills became my help again. They helped me get up in the morning and face the world. Nothing was impossible with Hydrocodone by my side.

After a while, I began partying and drinking with my friends. Hell, I was only 21. I was overwhelmed. I was a child taking care of children.

My marriage was soon over, and it was at that time I realized I lost the love of my life. I spiraled down hill after that. I got to the point to where I had to let my children move in with their fathers.

They weren’t taken away, but I knew it was better for them at the time. (Baby daddy number one’s mother was helping out. He was worse off on drugs than I was.)

They didn’t want to give my kids back after. And the guilt just made things worse. After about a year of really bad shit, I tried to pull it together. I moved back home and went to college.

My pain pill addiction slowed at that time, and I quit the use of all other drugs.

It is now five years later, and it has crept up on me again. I know that I need to stop, and I am so tired of living this way.

People say go to rehab, but if my kids father’s found out I went…they would make seeing my children impossible.

I love my kids too much for that to happen. As it is right now, I only see my older two kids maybe six or seven times a year.

They are teenagers now, and I will not try to move them back with me. They are in a stable, loving home, and they are doing wonderful in school.

I can not be that selfish.

My younger two kids I see every other weekend.

So, I’m going to try to taper off, so I won’t be sick. Which is easier said than done.

I can get pills so easily…so I will have to make a effort to stick to it. It’s going to be so hard, and I worry I won’t be able to do it.

My entire family takes pain pills, so it’s around me no matter what.

Still, I have to try.

My story is much longer, but I’m guessing no one would want all the details. I’m wondering if anyone else has tried to successfully taper off.

Please send all the comments you can. I’m very interested in what other people think, and if I could I would like to help at least one person.

Young mother one step away from death.

by kelly mcandrews


I have a 24yr old daughter who is addicted to heroin and other drugs for years now, with no desire to get help because she feels she doesn’t need it.

She has a two year old son who was born addicted but is now a healthy and happy little boy but is not with his mother because she lost custody of him to his father due to drugs.

I thought that would make her realize that her addiction was a problem, but I was wrong.

She has hepatitis and herpes and is not being treated for it. She has o.d several times, she has stolen from family members, robbed houses and cars and done other things I’m to ashamed to mention to feed her habit.

My family and I want to find a way for her to get help, to get clean. As a mother I should not have to bury my daughter before me.

I need an intervention, I need HELP to save her life. Any suggestions or anything would greatly be appreciated. It is so difficult to make them realize there is more to life than drugs.

Thank you

15-Year-Old Author Writes to Help Other Kids Cope

by Chase Block

(Jacksonville, Florida)

Excerpted from Chasing Happiness: One Boy’s Guide to Helping Other Kids Cope with Divorce, Parental Addictions and Death

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Excerpted from Chasing Happiness: One Boy’s Guide to Helping Other Kids Cope with Divorce, Parental Addictions and Death

It was New Year’s Eve 2009, and I was hanging out with friends at the beach. Even the coldest days in Jacksonville get up to 65. With some iPODS, some sodas, a few burgers and some of the guys, it was a perfect day to kick back by the water. We were comparing horror stories about midterms, arguing whether or not “Benjamin Button” was any good, and debating who had better skills on the court — Kobe Bryant or Lebron James.

The day went from sunny to dark, though, when I got a call from my mom.

“Hi, Honey,” she said in a slightly slurred voice. “I had a little bit to drink because it’s New Year’s Eve, and I’m at Andy’s house. He’s going to come pick you up.”

I was so disappointed. Mom had actually stopped using pills and drinking for two years after her “divorce” with alcohol, but started back up. Now she was drinking heavily around Andy, a new guy she was dating.

She didn’t really want to get back with her husband Scott because of the way her feelings for him had changed. Several times she had moved her things back into his house and tried to make a go of it. She gave up after a couple of attempts – she told me “there was no love there” anymore, and the house had bad memories for her.

The Choice

It was obvious Mom’s physical and mental health were in danger from her pill and alcohol addictions, and a few weeks after New Year’s, my brother and I knew we had to do something. We realized we were the most important thing in Mom’s life, so we gave her a choice – she could continue drinking and abusing prescription medications, or she could spend time with us. She couldn’t have both. On one hand we didn’t want to be that harsh, but we also knew that her sons were the only thing she had worth living for.

My dad warned me going into it, “This could get rough, and she might not make it.”

“Yeah,” I said, “but it’s the right thing to do.” If she was going to get and stay sober, she needed tough love. She was killing herself with alcohol.

When my brother and I went to see her, it was an emotional meeting. Mom was well known for being able to switch moods quickly, and this time she got angry –- she screamed, and she cried. She pleaded with us. But we didn’t back down.

After that difficult conversation we just kind of waited to see the direction Mom decided to take with her life. We were upset to hear she spent the week drinking and partying. At the same time, Dad’s divorce from my stepmom was finalized. It was a very tough week.

The night of Friday, February 27, 2009, was clear, with just a sliver of moon in the sky. Mom had been staying at a hotel near Jacksonville, Florida for a few nights, and got in a minor car accident while she was high on pills and driving. She lost control of her Mercedes and hit a palm tree, but wasn’t hurt in the crash. The police arrested her, and took her to jail.

Since he’d been through a similar battle with his addictions decades ago, Dad’s idea was to just let Mom sit in jail for a bit, and with a little luck, she’ll hit rock bottom and climb back up. We hoped the promise of being able to see my brother and me again would be the push she needed to take back control of her life.

Scott bailed Mom out of jail, and he begged her to come home with him. She refused. Looking back on what happened next, we all realize that while she was in jail, she had already made the decision to take her life. She went back to her room at the hotel.

When Mom didn’t answer her hotel phone Sunday or Monday, Scott became concerned. He drove to the hotel, and got the staff to unlock the door to her room. They made him wait outside while they went in to see if my mom was there. What they found was horrible – Mom was dead. She had shot herself either late Sunday night, or early Monday morning.

As we pieced the story together later, we realized she had stolen one of Andy’s guns, and hidden it in her hotel room. When she got back to the hotel after spending time in jail, she was alone, exhausted and depressed, and the gun was right there. She just gave up on her life.

Dad’s Confession

Probably the single biggest thing that helped me realize I wasn’t responsible for her final act was what my dad shared with both my brother and me. Because he always wanted us to have a positive image of Mom and her family, he never told us the truth about her life until after her death. Her mother was a bad drunk, and Mom had a terrible childhood. Her mother would tell her, “I’m going to the store, and I’ll be back in an hour.” Then her mom would show up three days later, drunk, often with some strange man. Sometimes the man would violently attack my grandmother. My mom, who was terrified, would crawl out her bedroom window and run to the neighbor’s house to call 911 for help.

Mom had pretty much been fighting to stay sane and alive since she was a kid, and her depression and suicidal thoughts had started long before my brother and I gave her our conditions, and even long before we were born. The stories about her terrible time growing up were tough to hear, but Dad knew it was the only thing that could prove to us her suicide honestly had nothing to do with what we said to her the last time we were together.

There were lots of places my mom could have gotten help – a therapist, AA, rehab – but until you realize you have a problem, and you’re ready to ask for help, it just won’t do any good. She’d tried counseling, and rehab – but only because my dad or Scott insisted. She just tried to ignore her horrible childhood, and she wasn’t ready to admit something was wrong, and that she needed help to try to get back to a normal, happier, healthier life.

No one can “fix” anyone else unless that person is ready to be fixed. And if they just refuse, you have to accept that it’s their choice, and it’s not your fault.

Chase Block is the 15-year-old author of the new book, Chasing Happiness: One Boy’s Guide to Helping Other Kids Cope with Divorce, Parental Addictions and Death. Chase’s parents divorced when he was 5. He wanted to help other kids understand what to expect when parents split, so he started outlining the information he wanted to share. The day before he began writing his book, Chase’s popular mom committed suicide, shocking and devastating the community. Instead of shelving the book project, Chase felt renewed urgency to share his personal journey from devastation to hope in order to help others dealing with similar tragic situations. Chase is considering a career in politics, and lives in Jacksonville with his dad and brother. To learn more, visit: or

The end of my ropes…..

by Ben

(BKK, Th)

Hi everybody!

I gladly admit that I am having a huge problem, a problem that seems uncontrollable.

I started using Morphine when I was 9 years old! And some years later I started using every drug known to man I think. Hashish, pot, meth, L.S.D., P.C.P., ketamine, ecstasy, and of course mainlining heroin on top of that.

Now it’s been more than 20 years continuously with all of these crazy drugs combined and alcohol (if it counts??) most of the drugs have actually stopped working, at least the ecstasy, and the heroin, to the point where I started injecting not only heroin for a quick fix, a bit of all of them, and since most veins have stopped working, I will let it be up to your fantasy where that insane mix of so many crazy drugs are going mainlined…..

A little crazy point in my story is that my family never suspected this insane drug abuse, since I was pretty much a straight A student, and I am now actually finishing off my B.B.A, at a university.

My parents are doctors as well, weird right? They found out because I told them I did not wanna lie to them any more and I wanted to actually let them know where the pocket-money for my studies was going!

I have been to several detoxes in my home-country, which is situated in North-West Europe, but the most important part I believe, the after treatment, I chose to run away from, and I went back to the country I am taking my Bachelor’s! To hide I guess.

But I seriously wanted to get off all those drugs, the main problem was of course heroin, which was solved with Methadone!

That is decision I regret with more than all my heart, because it is 10000000. Times more difficult to stop than heroin itself, and one of the “definitions” for being addicted is that the drug is controlling your life, Methadone controls mt life now MORE than heroin ever did, it is impossible to quit, the ” cold turkey” just last and last for weeks and weeks!

If you cannot stop heroin alone, NEVER use Mehadone as a solution, use Subutex, it’s as easy as heroin to go off, it gives you that little “extra” you for sure long for after quitting heroin, and it’s just perfect!

Only reason I am on Methadone is because the country I am in doesn’t have Subutex as an alternative!

I am getting really tired of my life situation, without being suicidal, but I long deeply for a real program, like group therapy, or the 12 step program, I just wanna talk with somebody!

By the way, Methadone made me stop heroin for one reason, and one reason alone, because it blocks the opioid receptors to the brain, so when I’m off, of course I relapsed, I did not get high.

So I thought I would cut down, and started using only cocaine, and so on and off I have been not using heroin for about three years, but I have used 2 grams of coke a day instead, and I’m getting to old for age, frustrated, nowhere to turn, and I just don’t wanna involve my family anymore, I don’t wanna hurt them anymore than I have already done.

So what do I do?????

I am sorry if this is outside your “story-points”, but believe me, I have been searching all over the Net, and this Site is the closest one I ever found to be the most serious, and most understanding of the addiction problem that is raving every single corner of the earth!!!!

Finally escaped!!!!

by Deanha

(Burnley, uk)

Hi, well where do you begin when you’re sharing your story of your addiction?

There’s that much to say, and so many tales to tell. I became involved in heroin at the age of 17 and was an addict for nearly 8 years the life. My life was hell at first I thought “I’ll be fine, I’m only dabbling, I won’t get addicted”.

But before I knew it I was totally dependant on the little wrap of brown powder I used to chase every day, slowly I lost my family and friends and became a full time junkie.

The things I did to support my habit like stealing off my own mother, yes it’s disgusting I know and I’d never do that now I’m clean but back then all I knew and wanted was heroin.

I found it’s such a downgrading drug, it eventually takes everything from you, your looks, your mates and even the people you love most.

When I look back I can’t think of anything fun or good about being a heroin addict the only good thing I got out of it is the strength to say no in the future and the person its made me today, see I’m clean now and have been for almost 3 years, the life I lead now is amazing compared to the life I used to lead.

I wouldn’t change a thing in my life now, I’ve got my friends and family back and most importantly I’ve got my one and only nephew back and I’m a very active auntie now and do my best at being a auntie.

I try to do my best at everything I do now and plan on carrying on going the right way and chasing my dreams.

People don’t believe addicts can get clean well my answer to that is “well look at me I did it I’m living proof it can happen” and if I can do it so can you, I had a big heroin addiction and I FINALY ESCAPED, and so can you, you just have to be both physically ready and mentally ready and most importantly you have to keep the faith,

Thank you for reading,
keep smiling 😉
Deanha, Burnley (uk)

Meeting the devil face 2 face…

by Deanha Burnley


Hello there, well I’m guessing if your reading this you may have had addiction in your life some how maybe it was you who has the addiction?

Well I had an addiction to heroin for nearly 8 years it swallowed me up so quick I didn’t have the chance to not get addicted.

Finally, I can say I’m clean and mean it!

I remember the thing I always missed most was not being able to get up in morning and worry about finding my next fix… it was a nightmare.

I used to dread going to sleep as I knew I had to wake up and go threw it all again.

I can now wake up in the morning and concentrate on myself and the things I’ve always wanted to do.

For example I’ve been clean nearly 3 years and I’m doing one on one talks with other addicts at my local drug service.

I’ve been on holiday 3 times (Amsterdam, Ibiza n Turkey) and back then things like that were just wishes.

But I guess what I’m trying to say is getting clean is so worth doing, so you can go and chase your wishes and dreams like I did.

Mine aren’t wishes anymore I went after mine and mine all came true. I’ve got the holiday photo albums and memories to prove it.

See it is possible I did it and I was a bad heroin addict and didn’t ever see a way out but there is you just have to find it.

Please be strong and achieve your goals, dreams and wishes they can happen, I’m living proof!!

* Became an addict at 17
* Got clean at 24
* Age now 25, 26 on 2nd August 2nd happy birthday me…

take care guys n keep smiling and most importantly keep the faith….. 🙂

thanks 4 reading Deanha xxxx

Athlete Abused Overdosed- Died 11 Minutes–God Raised Dead

by Brian Irons

(St. Louis)

I was a well-known athlete in the city of St. Louis, decided to smoke marijuana with the high school basketball teammates.

The addiction from this drug (marijuana) empowered me to try one drug after another.
Never in a million years did I believe I would use Cocaine, Heroin, Dippers, Pre-mo, Valiums, Tylenol 3’s & 4’s, PCP, Codeine Pills, Syrup, Hard Liquor, Beer, or any other substance that works against my sports career and living. After using and abusing street drugs for so long, my brain’s system could not have been so normal.

I earned 2 M.V.P. trophies as a pitcher; 2 M.V.P. trophies as a quarterback; was asked by four high school students to sign my name on their books and papers, after watching me play basketball. First 8 street fights were knockdowns. First place trophy in a dancing contest.

One day, as I was using drugs and getting high, my heart stopped beating for 11 minutes. I then went into a coma and stayed in it for ten days. Due to the heart stop and coma experience, my brain suffered an injury. Not only that, but the nerves

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