Suicide is not the answer...

by Jerry
(Tulsa, OK)

I have shared a few story's about my life. I'm 42 years old and have been thru a lot of ups and even more downs in my life. I started using at the age of ten, huffing gas, which is a very stupid thing to do.

I saw a good friend of mine get severely burned over 70% of his body cause we were huffing gas. I huffed butane off and on till I was 30. I stopped breathing and went into full cardiac arrest and was flat-lined for 3-5 minutes I was told. I am suffering from major depression and have a hard time dealing with the every day hustle and bustle that life brings.

I was about 32 or somewhere around there and was going thru a very dark time in my life to the point I felt useless and that I was no good to anyone or to myself. I had a sks rifle at the time, I was very confused at the time and felt that suicide was my only way out. I felt that nobody would miss me or even care that I was gone. I truly felt that that would be the best thing for everyone that knew me and had to deal with the lies and deceitful things I did.

I was home alone and could not think of any reason why I should stay around, I wasn't thinking about what it would do to my children or my family, I was only thinking of myself and how miserable I was a the time. I had loaded the gun and I stuck it in my mouth and pulled the trigger. To this day I can't explain why the bullet miss fired, but I'm thankful today that it did. That was a very extreme experience for me and a real reality check!

From that day forward I lived day by day but I still have a hard time kicking my addiction but I am having better luck dealing with my depression. I truly do not take life for granted and try to live it to the fullest but until I can totally kick the addiction I am in a whirlwind of misery.

It happens everyday,someone taking their own life in one way or another, I'm here to tell everyone that is not the answer. We can beat this monster we know as addiction and we can over come every obstacle life puts in front of us, we just have to keep fighting and never give up. I myself have made the decision to fight for my life back and have every intention to win no matter what it takes!!!


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