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My life without a childhood
I grew up seeing a lot of things no child should ever see.. I was in and out of foster care since I was young and I have lost a lot of friends to suicide... I've seen people close to me get killed and I started feeling hurt and confused why I was brought into my family and then to be left alone. Robbed from my childhood... no child should ever go through what I did.
All I did was beg for my family's approval and to be loved from them. Mostly i wanted my dad to love me... but no response or they have a weird way of showing it. But I don't blame that.
People only repeat what their taught.. so I started doing every drug except heroin. I was in and out of jail. I always think about what my uncle used to say to me. He said I deserve better and family is what you make it.
My family used to try and push me to quit. But the more I didn't... so they finally stopped asking me and when my uncle was murdered I felt empty and didn't want to go on, but he wouldn't of wanted that.
So I left town and cleaned up I had 3 beautiful children and went back to school... I thought I was in love by my kids dad but was obviously not. He was in and out of jail and I thought to myself why am I putting myself through this? I didn't change my life around to be with a jail bird.
I was raising my children on my own.. I toughed it out for 8 years but couldn't take it anymore so I left him. It's a good thing cause I wouldn't of went back to school. Every thing was going good and then my kids dad put a lock of my children and I'm not allowed to leave lower mainland. He used my past against me. I asked him for breaks but didn't get any... my son had behavioral issues.. I could handle him. It's babysitter, school and daycare couldn't.
I was getting frustrated so I asked the ministry if they could get him a support worker so I don't lose my job. They said only if I sign them to care. I wasn't going to do that. My son started biting his sister. The school saw the bite marks and called the ministry. I then lost my children.. and worker called my work and got me fired.. on top of it. It was my uncle's 9 year anniversary.
I then couldn't take it. Felt all alone I worked hard to change my life for it to be taken from me.. I am a good mother and don't deserve this.
So I started drinking and caught myself before it's too late.. I am busting my ass to get my children back. The reason I am writing this out is to show everyone that has had a rough life that you can change. Trust me. I was clean for 9 years... just move away from it and get positive friends... family doesn't have to be blood. You can do it.. I believe in you
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